Ready to Have An Affair

I am a new member and looking for some insight. I married a very nice man 6 years ago. During our one year of dating, we had lots of sex! The relationship was quite torrid. As soon as his wedding band went on, the rejections started. He said he was stressed, tired,and just never thought about it. He also said he wanted all the same intimate things I did. Nothing ever changed; I even left him for a couple of months,went to counseling, and he started on testosterone. He promised it would be different. Here I sit, 6 years later, depressed, angry, lonely, and extremely unhappy. How can a person be one way while dating and then just completely turn the switch off? I feel lied to, cheated, and taken advantage of. I wonder if he is actually gay or had some type of abuse; he won't confess. How does someone just change overnight? Divorice is not an option due to finances and this economy. He also lost he job in October. I am ready to have an affair. I feel desperate for any touch. Its not something I thought I could ever do. I am only 48, work out 4-5 times per week, and have a great job. Everyone tells me how pretty I am, yet I feel very ugly, inside and outside. Why did he even want to marry? Why portray yourself as something else? His ex-wife also had an affair. Maybe now I know why.

bassethoundlover bassethoundlover
46-50
4 Responses Mar 28, 2009

there are many of us that if we had someone like you we would be ever so greatful,, loving and appreciative,, sheesh how i wish,, and im finincally able too,, life can deal us a **** hand !!

You said you had councelling while seperated. Did he join you?<br />
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Does he have any medical issues..Diabebetis...Heart problems ect?<br />
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From what i read here...Its time for you to leave. After six years...theirs no repairing the damage allready done.

Interesting story and I can tell from your comments that it may will wind up with you in an affair. It does seem clear that he is repeating the same pattern that may have caused his first divorce. His job loss, apparently has nothing to do with his present abhorrence of sex with you. So it is not induced by stress. however, it could be that his problems lie deeper.<br />
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There is always the possibility of a latent homosexual preference that could be at issue.. In any case by remaining closed mouth about what is a serious issue in your marriage he will ultimately destroy any trust or affection you now have for him. Truly the loss of intimacy and the trust that it generated , once gone can never be restored.<br />
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I wish you well and I can attest from experience the fact that affairs ,while providing a relief and a momentary escape seldom becomes the complete answer. Further they can become an emotional and financial drain as well. On the other hand, some affairs for me were great liaisons and kept me from having to serve a penitence as a celibate.<br />
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I wish you all the best and consider your husband a fool to refuse the love and sexual favors from an adoring woman. Simply mindbogglingly to me to read of this.

I know how you feel..and just know that it is not you..<br />
There is nothing wrong with you..<br />
Good luck, however you choose to go on..<br />
With understanding..:-)