Been Married For 3 Months and Sexless For One Month

I'm totally confused.....we met online in October and married in December..the first month was great as far as sex was concerned......but after that it was nothing.  I know this is not normal.  I was married before for 28 years and we had a great first husband died five years ago.  I know I married the second time super fast..only meeting in October and marrying in Dec, but I'm not sorry I did.  I just don't get the fact that my husband has shut down sexually.  He does suffer from minor bi-polarism.  Since the beginning of our marriage he hasn't held my hand or hugged me but maybe 10 times.  We have had some major verbal battles, he getting totally angry with me because I had not kept the house the way he wanted.  I admit I'm not a Betty Crocker housekeeper, but the last time we argued about it...he said, "I'm beginning to feel like you just married me for what's between my legs, so I've decided that if you want sex, it will be given according to what you do in the house".  I was mortified...I've always been taught that sex is not a to be bargained is a precious thing to be enjoyed inside of marriage.  I'm totally depressed, DON'T WANT OUT OF MY MARRIAGE!!! I just want to know how to deal with this and how do I tell him what this is doing to me...I'm afraid he will blow a fuse again.  It feels good just to write about it.









meldoo meldoo
4 Responses Mar 28, 2009

He has dramatically changed the terms or your expectations of the marriage. Go for an anullment.<br />
And hopefully take your time finding a better match next time.

I don't know if I would write off someone just because they are wired slightly different than the norm. I would educate myself thoroughly on bi-polar including best methods for comunication. Perhaps some couples counselling with someone knowledgeable about bi-polar may be helpful. Maybe hire a cleaning lady to come in once in a while. All the best.

I share the concerns of the first two posters. Mentally ill people are often fine if they take their medications regularly, so it may or may not be down to his illness that he treats you badly. He may just be an unpleasant person.<br />
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Good gracious! You are newly weds! If he is already treating you like this, how will things stand between you when the first flush of romantic love subsides??<br />
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I cannot believe it is in your best interests to stay but if you do, please give yourself a time limit. If things have not vastly improved and his behaviour isn't consistently better, then please save yourself.

Lady , please don't stay. You have married into a marriage controlled by a mentally ill person which you aware of by your own admission .I would suggest to you that his outrages if not controlled may lead to a more than abusive situation. There cannot be any love exiting in this man for you if what you say is true.<br />
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In your rush to remarry as most formerly happily married widows are wont to do you have unfortunately found yourself a very dangerous individual.<br />
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I am sincerely worried about your situation. Please take care.