My 21 Year Story

I really feel for you, but to be honest - If you want sex you need to find it elsewhere. Look for someone without any issues surrounding their own sexuality. Problems like this don't resolve themselves.

Dude WTF? that is almost exactley my storie. i got 1.5 years to go...

I have been married for twenty one years too. Have two kids. My husband is depressed and there is no way he would go to counseling with me. You have to give her an ultimatom. I am waiting till my kids go to college and decide what I will do then. But till then I will not hurt my kids. I feel for you.Be strong and pray.

jazzerooney I am a woman who loves sex and even though I believe it is something a man and women do. I believe nobody has a right to anything when it has anything to do with my body or anybody else's.

Do you love your wife? Do you want to be with her? Ok do what is right for you. obviously you want to stay with her. Are you afraid she will take the kids away? oh they are too old. Whats holding you back? Stop whining? leave her!

I feel sorry for you man. I think you need to pursue your happiness. Either find a lover or get divorced. Once a year sex is not natural.

I'm stuck in a marriage like this and even worse now after ten years together, my wife tells me she never wants sex again. She even told me I can find a ''friend'' - which is not going to be an option for me!!



I stay for my son who is only 8 and I do love my wife very much, but over the past year or so, she has become very very distant and cold towards me. She spends a lot of time on her mobile phone writing messages to friends, watching TV but if I even ask her for five minutes of her time, you'd think I'd asked her to loan me a million bucks!! She makes excuses, complains, moans etc.

Then today, to make it worse, she says she wants to buy a house!! Like yeah, I'm really going to spend $300,000 on a house just to be ignored more!!

I'm at the end of my rope with this marriage, but won't leave because of my son.

Dear Deleted,

It is sad for me to read through your posting and to also hear from the others that have simular issues. I am on the opposite side in most ways and I'm not here to gloat.

Talking and communacating is the biggest thing to put into play. I belive your right, there are issues with her past, Maybe she has some abuse issues and she needs to get proper cousouling for those issues and you should be part of it. Being married means bringing together both partyies and making one couple to go through life with.

Communacating and talking about painful things is going to be very hard and I am sorry If you want to make it work your going to have to visit those topics. She has to trust you with her soul.

The comments about your children are true Kids have a way of knowing if Mom and Dad are doing ok. I have been with women who have had ****** and been raped and there very torn up inside, but to let it fester all these years is compromising your relationship.

Keep bringing up cousouling, and make some calls. Tell her "We have to do this or there is no us!" She may freak out and start a fight, just tell her "look I understand you feel alone , but someone needs to help us get back on track!" If she still refuses, have a session by yourself with the cousouor then see about a devorse attorney. You can take your kids and live a much happyer life! Take care of you.

(Please excuse my spelling errors)

I know exactly what you mean. Ive bean married for almost 21 years my wife and I haven't had sex in over two years. She is the only woman I have ever had sex with. I'm almost 42. Feels like I'm living a through life.

hi deleted, i'm new to this site and i was just browsing through and your story caught my attention. i know how you are feeling but in my case its the other way around its my husband that is not the affectionate one. we've been together for 26 years, but for the past 5 to 6 we have drifted apart. our kids are grown now. but i feel so lonely we hardly talk and when we do i find he anoys me. but i have to realize one thing i am not in love with him no more, dont get me wrong i love him because he is the father of my kids but here is a big diference to being in love. i wish you the best of luck but put your self first.i am doing it went bact toschool and it feels good.

I GOT MARRIED FIVE YEARS AGO THIS NOVEMBER, AND THIS LAST YEAR MY HUSBAND DON'T WANT SEX WITH ME, SO YOU ARE NOT ALONE, HANG ON IN THERE.

For about 20 years, I never wanted to have sex with my husband. I blamed myself, for some of the same reasons your wife says. When I finally made the decision to divorce my husband, I realized that the sex problem was not about "sex," it was about communication. Trying to communicate with him had always been awkward and confusing and the lack of sex was a reflection of that. He probably felt much as you did, but we both blamed it on ME, when it was really a problem between US. I have since had other relationships, and sex has been mediocre to GREAT, depending on how we communicated in the rest of our lives. I once read that "The language of the bedroom does not tell a lie." Maybe there is not a problem with ONE of you, maybe BOTH of you need to reassess your lives.

I feel bad for you. I'm sorry, but it sounds like there's more than a weight issue here on your wife's part. I'm not really in favor of being separated from your kids, but it's also not healthy for them for their future relationships to think that the relationship you have with your spouse is normal. You don't have to be away from your kids to find salvation for yourself. Good luck to you :)

If you really love here, and apparently you do, more communication may be helpful. Not just about the sex but life in general, maybe you can become really good friends again with the common goal of raising your kids, maybe a new counselor would, one that SHE is comfortable with. I see this as a lot of work, but getting back to the friends stage, and then dating, taking her out to a nice dinner once a week or so and taking an interest in all her acftivities. If you haven't tried all this already, it may be worth a shot. If you have and it hasn't worked, I'm really sorry for you.

As a last resort you could as her "What's the matter with our marriage?" and listen very closely to what she says and from those responses very carefully ask more questions, you may find out more than you want to know, but it could be helpful. Good Luck, you certainly have my sympathies

Dear Deleted: I am sorry you have to go through the same kind of crap I have lived with for many years. I have been married 35 years and haven't had sex in over 18 years. I should have bailled out about 20 or 25 years ago and I now wish I had. I stayed in the marriage because we had young kids & I thought at the time that it was the "right" thing to do. But don't let yourself be fooled into thinking that your kids don't know something isn't wrong. They know. If you left your wife (divorced her), you could probably get custody of your children. If your wife refuses to see a marriage counselor with you or to see a counselor/therapist/phychologist/psychiatrist, she shouldn't be considered willing to attempt to solve the problems between the two of you and anyone that refuses to try to solve a marital problem shouldn't be considered the most qualified person to care for the children. You should not have to suffer for the rest of your life because of problems your wife is not willing to face and try to solve. I can tell you from experience, the longer you stay and suffer, the more you will become to hate yourself for doing so. You can't fix her and if she isn't willing to try to solve the problem, you should consider other options. There is nothing to be gained by going through life like you are. The children are much more "savie" to the situation than you think and also much more resilliant to change than adults are. Children know when problems exist between their pasrents, and you shouldn't try to pretent that they don't exist. That will not make the problems go away. Ignoring problems only makes them get worse over time. Sure, life will not be pleasant in the short run, but over the long haul, things will be better for you, your children and your wife. The only thing kids get from growing up in a screwed up marriage/family is screwed up themselves. Think about that. Better yet, seek professional attention on the subject. I hope your life gets better. Good luck from another guy in the same rut you are in.

I think that is what happened with my parents they slept in separate rooms and then when we went off to college they got a divorce, it is really sad when the person you love does not even want to work on fixing the problem

Don't you think your wife is the world's most selfish person ever? My husband left his ex with a 2 years old child. I never thought he is a bad person, because his ex used the child, for him not to leave her. Do you see what I mean? She made a baby only to make sure that her husband won't leave her, even if she doesn't have sex with him. The child was only an insurance for her, not a fruit of her love. You should start a new life; it's never too late! Do it for your good! All the men in here, please hear my voice! If your woman has a hard time to say "I love you", if she can not go to bed with you, making so many excuses for sex; forget it! Go start for a new life, and do not look behind you even one second. Sex and love is arm to arm in women's life. If they don't have sex with you, I can say "she doesn't love you at all!" Also, you might not like this but, do not burn your life for your child!

there so many of us in the same boat,, ahhh for love intimacy,, dam

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Check out Deleted's profile. There is something not right about this poster.



My concerns were raised when I noted that he had been married for 21 years and was 26-30 in age . . . ????



The profile indicates other irregularities - I think this poster is a fake.

i dont know what to say but feel compelled to say something. I became desperate, bewilded, totured, and finally furious!! I have found solace in another like minded soul. Now here's the sad part. i have stayed.

I don't understand why I don't get divorced and I don't understand why you don't either. I've been married 25 years and have not had sex in 13 years.

dude shes cheating on you. no woman goes an entire year without getting sex from somewhere. hire a p.i. and get the truth and leaver her *** before you forget who you are.

i feel for all you gentlement who are sex deprived as I am. I've been married to a controlling man who gets angry at me when i dont do things his way, who doesnt desire me for the past 22 years and we never ever have sex. Its been years. my kids are still young i have a 6 year old (last time ) and I'm so depressed i could just scream. I dont have to work and i have nothing to do. I feel like my only purpose is to breath air, I do take good care of my children regardless how worthless i feel. His constant rejections have affected me. I stopped caring about how i look, so i have gain some weight, but i am not ready to call this the end of my predictable life. I have a plan, i will loose weight and feel better about myself, i will start saving a little money so that someday in the future i can escape. I dont think Ill even feel bad about it, i already live in a county i loath, i cant wait to go back home and even if its to work 2 jobs and live in a crappy apt. it will be better than what my life is right now, even though i have everything materially, i have nothing emotional, anybody understand what im saying?' I hope you can get out of your situation as I plan on doing the same although i know it will take a few years. You are not alone!!!!

I am 63 years old and am married for almost 35 years. In that period, my wife has never, not once, initiated sex. We have no had sex in 18+ years, since early 1991. I don't think my wife ever really loved me. I think I just happened along at the right time for her to marry & have children for appearances sake. I should have got a divorce about 25 years ago, bot was just trying to make things work and we had two children. I wish I had never married her and would undo it if I could. I realize it is too late for me to meet anyone appropriate and have a second chance at life. I found out approximately five years ago that I could not ever trust her again about anything. She has always refused seeking marriage counseling. That should give you an idea about her. I sometimes wonder why God put me on this earth and why I have had to experience the things I have had to. I know I will never have an answer to that. Why do we have to endure the lives of misery and sadness that we do, without any hope of ever resolving the problems and mess we end up in. My wife has indelibly scarred my life and there is no way out. I feel sorry that anyone else would have to go through some of the B.S. I have had to go through. I guess some of us were destined to live in constant and unrelenting pain with no hope of relief. I guess I am just a really slow learner.

I am 63 years old and am married for almost 35 years. In that period, my wife has never, not once, initiated sex. We have no had sex in 18+ years, since early 1991. I don't think my wife ever really loved me. I think I just happened along at the right time for her to marry & have children for appearances sake. I should have got a divorce about 25 years ago, bot was just trying to make things work and we had two children. I wish I had never married her and would undo it if I could. I realize it is too late for me to meet anyone appropriate and have a second chance at life. I found out approximately five years ago that I could not ever trust her again about anything. She has always refused seeking marriage counseling. That should give you an idea about her. I sometimes wonder why God put me on this earth and why I have had to experience the things I have had to. I know I will never have an answer to that. Why do we have to endure the lives of misery and sadness that we do, without any hope of ever resolving the problems and mess we end up in. My wife has indelibly scarred my life and there is no way out. I feel sorry that anyone else would have to go through some of the B.S. I have had to go through. I guess some of us were destined to live in constant and unrelenting pain with no hope of relief. I guess I am just a really slow learner.

I hear you showing a lot of concern for her and her issues, but where she won't have sex with you more than once a year it doesn't sound like she shares the same concern for what goes on in your life.



Balance is a key in any relationship. If you aren't getting your personal needs met, but she is getting hers, you need to evaluate this and do the work that is necessary to get the relationship back on even footing.

Deleted,

Your situation sounds very much like mine.

My wife was sexually abused as a child as well. We had very little sex for the first 25 years of our marriage and virtually none for the last 20.

I do love her but I'm very frustrated. I don't feel right insisting on sex with someone who was traumatized by it as a child. Who wants cold-fish duty sex anyway?

I had a brief affair many years ago and all it accomplished was to show me what I'm missing. The sex was fantastic, but it wasn't worth all the lying and guilt.

I go through periods when not having sex doesn't bother me and periods when it's literally all I think about. I love my wife and we get along well except for sex.

So I have no answers for you, only empathy. And wishes that you find peace in your life.

Victor

really , i want to say maybe she doesnt need sex. some women do not get excited , they are not relaxed. maybe she is too much of a good girl , i dont know how to put this....

i need sex but my husband resembles somehow your wife. and is not funny to know your spouse does not desire you.

once a year ! thats scary!

and i thought i was neglected cause we do it like once a month. so , i rule !