Tired of Being Rejected

I've been married for 2 years, we have had sex maybe half a dozen times since the wedding, only once in the past 12 months.  Before we were married we had a very good sexual relationship, but once we moved in together it slowed down to basically nothing.  When we have it, it's not that great, he rushes through it so he can go to sleep.  My husband has gained about 50 pounds since we met, so I don't know if it's a lack of testosterone or self esteem, he says there's nothing wrong, he just doesn't feel like having sex.  I'm tired of asking and being rejected, but I miss it.  I find myself fantasizing about cheating on him, I never thought I would do such a thing but I can't keep living like this.  We're still affectionate, we kiss and cuddle and hold hands, but no sex, and it's driving me crazy!  We've talked about it but the situation hasn't improved.  I don't know what to do anymore.
somegirl somegirl
26-30, F
133 Responses Feb 2, 2007

If you don't have any children, BAIL THE **** OUT!

I am going through something similar with my wife. We have had sex only 3 times this year. I keep trying but keep getting rejected, I have talked with her about it a few times but nothing has changed. Maybe if you talk with him about it he will be open to solving the problem. Good luck, and try and be positive.

Talking doesn't work and then 10 years has got behind you.
You can not get the lost years back.

Mine did not start until year ten! He gained weight, and is always tired. So instead of cheat, cause believe me I wanted to, I "talked" him into get a bike. He lost 10 pounds, and his energy is going up. Maybe if you can find an activity you can both do together, it will motivate him and get his energy level back up. when the gut is gone,the d-@# seems to come back to life. Good Luck!

going through the same thing! :(

I feel your pain. I'm engaged to my beautiful fiancé to be I have been with this girl for 8 years. This yeah its already October and we have had sex twice. I'm sick of being constantly rejected its so demoralizing. We are both under 30 it shouldn't be this way. I try talking to her about it but nothing ever changes.
There is always an excuse. There will come a time when I stop trying when all the rejection is all too much. Very sad :(

28 and sexless sigh

The weight might be the case but you have to keep something else in the back of your mind. He is a man. A man is going to have sex. If you are not the one he is having sex with, there is someone else. Take it from me. I was in the same predicament and I went into his phone and saw conversations between him and other men who were satisfying what he said he was ok without

I have to agree he's a man, and I'm a man. If he's not always hitting u up for sex he's getting bit somewhere. Hell I'd screw a hole in a rotten stump just because I can so when a guy isn't interested in sex with his significant other I'm suspicious. As for what women want and feel there are probably better people to comment.

Is he mad about spending or cost of living?

My friends husband was angry and how he expressed his anger was with holding sex.

Not sure what his side of the story is, there's something on in his mind for sure. Maybe guilt, or maybe he doesn't feel like he's good enough for you. it's very likely that the weight gain could very well be the problem. or it could be all of the above. I wouldn't personally cheat on my wife, if i had one, but I totally understand where you're coming from. Just like in any other relationship outside of marriage, bring it up again, be more firm, let him know that this is NOT cool.
Tell him you CANNOT live like that, make it clear that you have needs, and that the sex is near the top of that list.

If that fails I suggest counceling.

Best of luck to you!

... and to think that I used to think that this sort of thing only happened to us guys :/

Ya isn't that the truth. I also always thought the guy was the one missing out.

I feel the same , we have sex and is good but apart from sex there is nothing . My husband will not show any affection towards me . He will never hold my hand in public , he will only cuddle when he wants to and he will only kiss me when it suits him ;( .
I only want affection and feel loved , something that it only happens for about 2 days after we had an argument and told him how I feel then he goes back to his old tricks .
I don't want to leave him ,we have 2 children and I love him but his behaviour makes me hate him if it makes sens ....

August 2013 posters: do you realise this post is over six years old??

Yeah... I wonder what has happened to somegirl since Feb 2007...

Oh my goodness... no I didnt... wonder how it turned out?!

OMG Are you crazy? Your willing to throw away 2 years of memories because of sex? I promise you that it will get better. As long as he doesn't judge you about it. There is many toys out there that can satisfy your needs. Don't cheat on your husband. I promise you, if he finds and gets hurt, you will regret it.

Oh by the way I love sex. My husband chose to separate and you know what? I\'m ok but I\'m not looking for affection anywhere other than just trying to kill time.

I have been going through this for 4 years, and it won't get better. Not if he isn't willing to at least acknowledge he has a problem and do something to fix it. Please don't waste your life being unhappy in this marriage.

Omg... Some girl you just described my life honestly.... My post is 8 mths married.. I know wat your going through an its pure shxt!! I keep thinking about affairs and hooking up with other men I'm so alone too... It's the lack of interest in the sex when eventually it does happen no foreplay no desire no connection nothing and the worst thing is he's quite happy dosn think anything is wrong ... I think we are deserving of at least a fondle or two and if you find someone willing to let you feel like a beautiful wanted woman again I say go for it .. You've talked about it nothing's changing only so much you can do Hun , wen I get the opportunity I'm goin for it xxxx

I\'m going through the same thing, only it\'s reversed roles, I\'m a guy and my fiance hasn\'t desired me in 8 months. And i was fat, and lost 48 pounds... and still nothing. I don\'t feel like a man anymore with the fact that my fiance doesn\'t want me. I\'m sorry \"some Girl\" and LilKim1977, i feel for you

What the heck is wrong with some of these guys? To me, there is no greater turn on than when a woman is wet and wants it.

your too young and its too early in your marriage to be having this problem, you should let him know he will lose you if he doesn't shape up....

I m having the same prob as u, till I give up. I focus on other things instead! I really love sex if possible twice/wk or as often as possible.

Wow all of this advice is so helpful. My husband and I, after a foreclosure, had no choice but to live with my parents and the sex all but stopped. Actually, the day after we got married, about 7 months before we were foreclosed on our apartment it started to really slow down. Prior to marriage we dated for 4 years, great relationship, sex, intimacy and everything. Prior to dating we were friends. Over all It seemed like the right progression of things. Anyways, now, after about 1 1/2 of marriage I find that I am sick of initiating sex. If I don't initiate it, then we don't have it. Or we get in an argument about not having sex because I choose to tell him I am tired of being rejected, then he makes it seem like 'sex' is all I care about. It is a cyclic argument all the time. Now, I don't even argue about it anymore. I have stopped pursing him completely too. He is still very affectionate and "plays" with me but when it comes to sex he says he will but never follows through unless I start crying about it. It hurts so much. He tells me he is too tired and other excuses, and no he is not cheating. I may end up separating from him. I will talk to him again about our feelings and see where the relationship ends up. Hopefully together.

the stresses of life put a huge strain on a relationship and sex. ive been through and are still eexperiencing a similiar situation only been married for 19 years and have 2 children. my husband has never had a huge sex drive but now it's almost a control issue. he knows I need more from him in the affection and sex area to feel more connected, in turn improving the relationship, but when he doesn't follow thru I disconnect as a self protection thing. it's a bad cycle and is at the critical point of can it ever change, do I leave, or accept it will always be sexless. not sure I helped any but understand your struggles.

I'm in the same affectionate, sexless marriage and I've only been married for 6 weeks! But we've been together for 7 years and this is how it's been for a couple of years. I wonder if a married him because it's comfortable or because I had the notion that perhaps love really is all you need.

I'm living in the same kind of situation! We are also very affectionate....he's always saying such sweet romantic things and even makes comments that he wants to have sex but then it doesn't happen. I have also been rejected time and time again as we'll. I don't have any answers because I'm looking for some myself, but just know you're not the only one in a situation like this. I also fantasize about cheating.....in fact, there is a man I've gotten very close to that respects me and my marriage....he won't cheat with me but he wants me to leave so we can be together.....I am considering it. It hurts though because I love my husband....but it's like we are just great friends and not lovers. It's so hard to know what to do. I feel for you!

I understand your situation equally. I am also in the same situation but my wife has been rejecting me over and over again. Its very tough and you don't want to leave because of certain feelings. I do feel that we are better friends, not lovers. So what have you done?

You are too young to get stuck in such a situation.Eventually you will look to satisfy your desires elsewhere or become really resentful.

Sorry to be the pessimist here, but I fear, it might not get better. I have been married for 19 years with the same situation. At least you hold hands and kiss. I feel like I am treated like a little sister or a roommate. And he has a tendency to have emotional relationships with others. Not sure about other relationships, but my gut tells me he has. I have a life to live and you are too young to live that way. Move on.

Wow.....how do we end up with these people is a mystery to me..As a guy -I'm here to tell you is a subtle form of control and abuse-no sex and begging.....i do not know what to do either....tell 2 kids no sex -I'm leaving..i compare it to a prison...

Agreed drum! I am so leaving as well! I cannot deal with the prison anymore..they can do what they want while we try to fix a problem we don't even know how to fix. It isn't us...it's their problem. I have tried and tried and only end up in confusion and pain. It is not worth it anymore. We are human and need intimacy in our lives. It is just plain human nature. Being rejected all the time is not healthy allthe while they want to say...I love you...I don't want anyone else...I'm tired...blah, blah, blah.!!

Wow! You are the fourth woman 26 to 30 that has posted here tonight. I'll tell you the same as them. It very likely won't get better. You are very young and need to move on now because life can be way to long when you spend it lonely.

Read the stories here about just how lonely an and miserable people are when there significant other refuses them the love that they deserve. Please! Be sure and read our stories. Then run like crazy and start over with some one who will love you.

You are the same age as my child and I certainly would not want to see him live with the kind of pain that you will be living with for a very long time unless you act now to change it. Your spouse will take no action. It is all up to you.

Good advice riley:)

Wow! I know it's a common thing for a woman to lose her sex drive, but I've never heard of a man who doesn't want to have sex. My sympathies. I guess it can work both ways. At least you have some intimacy.

My husband appears to have lost his or at least acts like it, but I do not think so....I think he just thinks the grass is greener on the other side. I am about ready to let him see if the grass is greener. We have been married for 19 years, 2 kids and grandchildren. I am only 43..I refuse to live my life without intimacy for the next half of my years.

I sometimes wish I could lose mine. I would be able to deal with it then.

Wow. So many of these posts describe my situation. I have been married for 22 years to a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent woman who is a fantastic mother to our three children and really is a wonderful wife... in every way but one. I am so tired of asking for intimacy and being rejected. I have reached the point where I don't even really enjoy the occasional sex anymore. I always feel like I am imposing on her. She occasionally submits to my advances but she never does anything to initiate. As a matter of fact, she doesn't even participate in sex beyond a little kissing and then just lying there to let me do my thing.

I love her desperately, I will not cheat, and I won't leave but this has been so frustrating! I just wish it could be better...

I thought for a few seconds how lucky you are to at least have the opportunity to have sex occasionally, but, yeah, it's not much of an experience if she's just a dead fish.

It is not fair to those of us who want our marriages/relationships to work. It can't be one-sided. What I mean by that is that it cant be one person trying and "begging" for affection while the other does whatever. The occasional 2 minute occurrence does not make up for months of rejection.(At least that is my opinion)

Hi AUDI5K, I hope this doesn't sound too bad,but....if you have to cheat to get what you feel you are lacking in your relationship...then maybe ..... although you "love her desperately", and "will not cheat"( although from your post you say you have to cheat)....then maybe you need to go ahead and get out of it.

Mine is the same, and I used to describe her similar to how you did (as wonderful). But now I think she is not wonderful, but twisted and cruel. I suffer because she wants it to be this way. That is despicable of her, I realize now. So so so down over this. It is horrible, a horrible cloud darkening my life that is there because she wants it there. Sick.

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That sucks my gf is a little over weight and I wondered if that was part of the problem but I suspect she is just one of those people who only wants what she can't have and I have gave myself to her completely so I'm sol

I am a personal trainer, and have put my husband of one year through a diet /workouts program.
Wish that I could say that it worked. :(
Still no sex.

Wow im going through something similar. we have been married for a yr and a half and moved in after the wedding. did you tell him you are on this site? I told mine and he vowed to improve our sex life starting this week. Im not super optimistic but will give it a chance. If not I told him I cnt do this anymore and told him he has a month or Im gone.

How have things worked out?

I am in my first marriage 39, my wife never wants to have sex. She doesn't cuddle or anything, but she wants me to do all kinds of stuff for her. She expects me to be hopelessly in love with her, lusting afer her, but never actually getting anything in return. It is a cruel thing ot do to another human being.

When we were in the process of getting married, I told her that my greatest fear was lack of intimacy. I said that I had seen so many older couples that seemed like they never had time or desire for each other. She promised me that, that would never happen. Of course, that was obviously a lie. I've had sex 1 time in the last year with my wife. How can women be so cruel.

Men can be just as cruel. It makes me feel horrible and ugly. I smile everyday but feel like a total pig at home. I just decided to sleep in couch

I also told my wife I hoped we would never end up like my parents--sexless for 40 years of their 55 year marriage. She also said that would never happen to us, but it's been 18 years now. I don't see it reversing. But I don't think she lied to me. Just think things changed. Lack of hormones, I guess. But yeah, I hear ya. Wants this, that and the other thing done. Sometimes get a thank you, but never a hug or a kiss. I used to do that for her, but after awhile it seemed kind of pointless when it was never returned.

That sucks.

What a *****.

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I have had the same type of thoughts, but I know that if I cheated he would leave me. Plus I dont want to cheat, I want him and only him.

I feel you I'm in same boat sucks

I am surprised by these stories. I am 45 years old and my libido has not dropped one iota. However, I exercise for an hour every day.
My suggestion to you is to go on walks with him for a few weeks every night. Once he drops a little weight start doing a walk/jog combination. Also, like someone else said try to get him to lift weights. I can always give you my program if you don't know what exercises to do, just ask. Exercise will improve both testosterone and self esteem.

This sounds exactly like what I am going through, I also have been married only 2 years. What the hell is going on???

Me too! Married 2 years, 2nd marriage also. We haven't had sex for almost a year!

Well damn is it an epidemic?? Damn!!!

make him start lifting weights, then after the tenth or so session, when he takes his pants off go suck him a little then lay him back for some good sex--you stay on top and put your legs on his shouldres, have him massage your **** while you're doing it and you will love the outcome-----if that doesn't work, call me. I will help you


The first thing is to remind yourself of your abilities. Then make a plan. Then do the plan.<br />
<br />
My plan started out small. Now it is big. But everyone has a different plan.

2 years and he is already done...you dont need to cheat....you need to get out...cheating destroys the person that gets cheated on...damage that sometimes cant be repaired... i wonder how adventerous your sex life is...if it has turned vanilla...fix it...otherwise get out...dont make the msitake of an affair...

very good respond,high five

Hi I didn't quite understand what you mean with "get out"? And how could I repair our vanilla sex live if he won't even respond to other things? I've tried lingere, oral, anal, handcuffs... but still has not helped at all, the outcome is I feel used for all the many months to come until he finally wants some more again

I can relate. My husband loves to cuddle without sex. I would have shown him the front door but it's my second marriage and I put up with it. Anyway I am older than you are. It's not going to get better believe me. You will end up being one frustrated woman. Take him to a counselor or a doctor. Best of luck .

it is funny...not haha funny ...but funny that there are so many of us married folk that feel trapped in a marriage b/c we chose poorly...my wife wont cuddle with me b/c my hands will soon start to roam...or she feels my erection in her back...and we have been married for 38 yrs...of course now it doesnt stay hard for long....our sex life was wonderful at one point...we shared fantasies...mutual ************...oral to completion...then one day....nothing...she wont talk to me about it...all she has to say is that i am oversexed...she still has ******* ...so i dont understand...i have thought about cheating,,,but i really would like to have a friend...cheating is so destructive....

Find you a nice discreet lover and seek satisfaction and go on with your life? At least you might be sexually happy!

I can totally relate. Beginning of the relationship was full of sex. After moving in together it slowed right down but we kept the affection. After years of marriage I was thinking there was something wrong with me, I wasn't attractive enough or whatever. t took it serious, he didn't. I cheated after 9 years of being together then all of a sudden he is interested. After you are denied so many times it's too late i wasn't interested in him like that anymore. We are now working on a separation & eventual divorce. It doesn't matter what the "issues" are - people blame it on financial, or work, or too busy with kids, if you want to work on it and he doesn't take it seriously and put it and you first then there are other people out there that will.

I agree.... after being denied so many times, it becomes "to late"..... that is a sad fact.

I am at that point, but I love him so much. I know that he doesn't love me the same.

I wonder if he is under some sort of stress. Weight gain, lack of interest in sex go side by side with depressive state of mind. Is there something that is going on at work? Financial issues can drive people crazy, especially men.

well i am in the same situation but i will have been together 14 yrs and married 9 yrs and it does not get better, my husband had gained weight, and drank, just recently he stopped drinking 111 days now and people use to say well maybe he can't perform cause of the drinking, well that was not true cause he lost weight and stop drinking and still no sex. you are early in your marriage but i can say that if after u sit down have a long talk with him about your issues and if things don't change u might consider getting out of the marriage, i my self still don't know what i am gonna do cause the more years you are together the more you have to lose and it so makes it harder. hope things will be easier for you. i wish you luck

Trade him in!

Communicate as much as you possible. Be truthful. Even consider a deadline. I know women and men who work at their relationships for years but there is no deadline. I have a close friend who asked her husband for over two years to go to counseling to talk about their sexual issues. He put it off and put off. Finally, she gave hime a date and a place to be. She said if he wasn't willing to show up and participate she believed it was time to divorce. <br />
<br />
He didn't show up.<br />
<br />
They divorced.<br />
<br />
Both remarried to people much more suited to them.

Life is so short. Speak to him about the issue, and losing some weight. Be honest and kind. You have one life, make everyday count. Sometimes we just aren't compatible, and sometimes once the guy has the girl, or vice versa, romance and respect stop. I lived like you did for a long time, with a cheater. I was so happy when I got divorced, even being alone. It takes balls to get divorced, but taking charge of your life takes balls. How many of us just exist? Letting lifes river take us where it wants to, rather than grabbing a hold of ourselves sometimes and pushing into our own desired direction. Take charge, and don't let another day waste away. Regret sucks, and yet so many of us comply to it.

After only two years? I would run away from this marriage as fast as possible. What do you think this marriage will be like in ten years? Leave and do it soon. It does not look like this marriage is going to work.

This sounds exactly like my marriage at the two year mark . Have some tests run make sure it's physical. If alls well? Tell him put out or get out. It just gets worse. The cuddling will go before long. You need a man not a buddy.

I know how you are feeling... unless he is able to work through what he is dealing with or whatever it is in his life that has caused him to loose interest nothing will change.. The worst thing I have dealt with throughout all this is putting yourself out there and being vulnerable and getting turned down, eventually you just give up and either cheat or become depressed...

I cuddle and try to kiss, but only get cold shoulder. Sex occur once or twice a month. An act performed to be some duty on her part. Many times I approached her and was rejected. Mention alternate positions or scenes and it get shot down. Boredom!! No intimacy, no deep kissing for decades. Just the same routine : wait for bedtime, wait for invite (SHE has to do the invitation) , this, that and then I finish my 'business'. <br />
So last week I got fedup. No showing of love from me , no crawling and begging. Just peck on cheek, aloof cool and absent. When invited next night I REFUSED, telling she only does it as a duty!<br />
Hell hath no wrath like a woman scorned !! . . . . She did not take it lightly and seemed very hurt. But after reading some stories here I think things are really not that bad. I take some tips from you here, maybe I can rekindle the fire.

Cheating is wrong yes. There is another way , so radical society dont want to accept it. This is the reason for so many heartache, pain , suffering and crime. The concept of monogamy. Are we really built to have only one partner for life? I think not! After so many failed monogamous marriages , isnt it time humankind reconsider? Is polygamy such a sin? Does christianity really have all the answers? And in particular reformists and catholic societies. So. Cheating on your wife is having an affair without telling her about it. Wont it be better if you approach your sexless wife (whom you still may love) with the following proposal : "lets be realistic. Neither of us want a divorce, your sexual appetite is waning but mine is still strong. I dont want to cheat on you by having an affair. How about WE get ourselver another wife? A friend for you and a wife for me. ?"<br />
Radical !? Yes , but be aware that millions are already practising polygamy. All muslims and most african cultures. Here is the proof : in those societies *********** , rape and perversions are much less.

And how would you sugest I propose to my husband? "How about WE get ourselves another husband? A friend for you and a hubby for me. ?

Not so far fetched ! There are indeed isolated cultures where polyamory is accepted. And is prostitusion not the same as one wife many husband? So, if you hint at it, maybe your husband agree!

Get ot now girl you are way too young not to be sexually happy in your relationship

Same hee. Except he prefers videos and his hand. E are seperated but not divorced

Wow it sounds like you and I are married to the same man... My heart goes out to you because I feel the same kind of desperate lost and lonely feelings that you do *hugs* <br />
<br />
I am at my wits end too. I see this was posted a while ago, have there been any changes? For you I hope so my marriage has been like this for 5 years and it hurts in ways I don't have words for.

I haven't read the million comments before me, but I will tell you from my experience so far you have these options:<br />
1. don't cheat. I did that after a few years of massive confusion and rejection. It will only leave you temporarily justified/satisfied and then your left with the bull that follows it. <br />
2. Counseling. It's expensive, and ultimately you will probably end up where you started.<br />
3. If you are determined to stay with him. Then buy a sybian. It is an exceptional wise investment. Even if you dont stay with him...make the investment, trust me your worth it.

I know this is different, but I'm dating a girl (I'm bi sexual) and we have hopes of getting married one day soon, but she is completely celibate. I left my boyfriend/fiancé to be with her because she's amazing and I love her, but I feel completely alone, tired, and unwanted because she never wants to have sex. I get a peck on the lips when we say goodbye, but that's it. I'm not even close to being a virgin, but I've never had sex with a girl before, so technically I'm not "missing" anything. I miss the closeness that comes with knowing someone mind, body, and soul. I don't want to cheat on her, but I find myself thinking about it all the time now. I just want to feel loved and desired again and my trust in men is completely down the drain now. I guess I'm starting to understand how it feels to be in a sexless marriage. I'm praying for you and everyone else that they get that intimacy again.

It could be a physical problem or a mental problem.<br />
If he won't seek help, make it clear that you cannot live like this and you will leave him. If that doesn't work, then leave his sorry ***.<br />
You may have to leave to wake him up.

Well I'm in the same boat, and just about ready to jump ship. He only wants me when I'm leaving or someone else is sniffing about.<br />
Says it's been so long he's ashamed.<br />
Same length of time for me.<br />
Can't do this any more it's soul destroying.<br />
Think I'd run off with the first man to say a kind word to me.<br />
Not as if he's good and kind to me.

I know how you are feeling. It's been 2 years for me... No sex. No intamacy. Inmay get a fake kiss once in a while

You know I used to think that cheating is always wrong but after reading all of these sexless mariiage stories I've changed my mind. But if you are in a sexless marriage and you have tried all comunication and still no change do whatever you like. Life is too short.

You're right. Life is too short. So, dump the sexless marriage, run from it, get a divorce, THEN find someone to share your life with. If you cheat, the sympathies will be with your refusing spouse. Plus, it puts in an unnecessary delay for someone who started out as an affair but is "the one" for you - and you for them.

Leave.If you read my post will explain more.My partner ended it with me in January again as he couldn't bear hurting me.Now he wants me back.I have told him I am not going to be in a relationship with someone that has no intimacy, or sex or making time for one another.Plus we had no social life- he likes to stare at tv all night.If he can change yes I will go back but if not then no.

As much as this sounds bad, I am happy to hear that I am not the only woman going through this. I am tired of not getting any.. and the rejection kills me. I recently got the opportunity to get some on the side.. but I never thought that would be something I would consider. I don't know how much more I can take of this!

I've been married for 12 years to a good man, but we go for MONTHS without sex. I used to try to talk, and basically ask for it, but he always falls asleep, or forgets; almost like it is a gift from him; so decided to quit asking and go for as long as it takes without it. It hurts to live like that, you feel ugly, unwanted, humiliated when you ask to be loved and get nothing, and depressed all the time wondering what is wrong with you.

Never trust a man who does not sleep with his wife.

I feel that way all the time in my relationship now.

I think I agree with u.. Before we were married he said before he started dating he used to go to massage paulors... I thought that was very disrespectful. And gross! After we started dating he said it stopped ... I found a **** cd when we were dating and one time when he kicked me out I found **** on his computer... Men!

I can relate to a sexless marriage,but the reason that I have been rejected is that I have been told my husband wanks himself off where do I go from that ?

Get a divorce.

I can relate to a sexless marriage,but the reason that I have been rejected is that I have been told my husband wanks himself off where do I go from that ?

You have got to wonder why do people marry when they have no intention of a sexual relationship. Unless both partners agree and don't want sex or are unhealthy and can't it just seems crazy that it happens. I believe in sex before marriage, but even that may not tell you anything especially if people shut down after getting married.

Am I invisable ??

I am living the same life but my husband can screw other women just not me

OMG! I'm going through the same thing but the difference is he's not affectionate. No kissing or petting... I may get the occasional hug or hand holding but nothing more than that. This has been going on for almost a year and I don't see any relief in sight!!!<br />
I truly feel your pain and frustration.

Hi did your relationship ever improve ? I'm in the same boat now

See a sex therapist Or a marrige guidance Councillor........ With me Not being able to think properly Due to "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome" / Myalgic Encephalomyelitis its hard for me to think properly.................<br />
<br />

Illness plays a large part in just about everything doesn't it?

i am 18 years down the line and still in the same situation as you are think very carefully before you decide your next move . its soul destroying to live like this, would your hubby see a sex therapist with you?<br />
i have grown to resent my hubby and now have very few feelings /respect for him, please dont let yourself become like me. wish you well for your future.

i am 18 years down the line and still in the same situation as you are think very carefully before you decide your next move . its soul destroying to live like this, would your hubby see a sex therapist with you?<br />
i have grown to resent my hubby and now have very few feelings /respect for him, please dont let yourself become like me. wish you well for your future.

If Any of you ladies live in My area, then let me know, and I'll deputise for him.......... :)<br />
- I cant be any fairer than that..................... :)<br />
<br />

i know what you mean, my wife lost her sex drive when we had our first son, now a days if i do get to have sex she makes it sound like a sacrifice on her part. its almost like a game to her, she enjoys touching me then will want to sleep with out any further input on her part. its also bad because i work graveyard shifts and so i have no contact with anyone but her. i have started fantasizing about getting with other women. i love my wife and dont want to leave her but it is had when you dont get your needs fulfilled and you get scoffed at when you bring up the issue. i dont know about how the molestation of your husband plays into the problem but i do know that it is part and that maybe therapy will help the both of you. you should do two parts, privet for him and couples to work things out.

Get out, get out, get out, get out (a million times). Life is short. There are good people outside of the marriage. And in fact, it can be more miserable inside the sexless marriage than sexless and alone outside. At least you can go online and no-one moans at your infidelity.... because once you're out of the sexless marriage, and free, it's not cheating. It's allowed.

Replace him with a 12" piece of plastic and a couple of batteries............. <br />
Good luck.......... :)<br />

He is probably depressed.He may have some sexual fantasies that needs to be stimulated and he is too embarrast to reveal.<br />
I alot of men would like a sexually agressive mate.Just try to take the lead just start ********** him,then climb on....;-)

My first 2 marriages I didn't want the sex but now I have a boyfriend who doesn't want it and I do all the time. Payback is a ***** I tell ya. I never thought a guy wouldn't want it all the time so this is weird for me. It fuels me up inside so bad. I always assume a guy is getting it from somewhere else but I have no proof. He claims he just doesn't always feel like it and that I'm making a big deal out it. It's sad how making love should be a big part of the relationship but not everyone sees it that way. I'm starting to understand on why people do cheat.


im completly agree wirh the fist comment im going through the same thing im only 19 my husband is almost 24 we have been together 2 years married for almost 6 months but ever sence i had are little girl who 7 months he has completly lost interest he doesnt hold my hand inless i grab hes he dosnt cuddle inless i beg him and 1/2 the time not even then i well dress sexy and try to get him to but no matter how much i try or ask he always says no sadly i have had sex with him 5 times in 7 months when i was prego with are little girl we werent aloud to have sex i have no clue if that has to do with it or not but I love my hjusband but i have always been really against cheating but now i think about it all the time its driving me nuts (i hate it)!!! I just feel like hes thinks im **** and Hes the only person i have ever been with and i just feel if i want to have sex with my husband it perfectly natural! and he should want to too were both young and attractive so whats the problem! i thought he was cheating for a while but im for sure hes not but i agree what can you do he turns me down and says comments like all you think about is sex why does it matter im tired or he actually said i was bad at being on top he has never said anything to me like this before! he has always wanted me on top before i got prego and we had sex all the time and now im lucky if its once a month and thats usually because i buy him alcohol and that makes it easier to get him to have sex it kinda makes me feel like im taking advantage of my husband for i have to get him drunk first how sad is that!

For those commenting at present (June 2011) :<br />
are you aware that the OP has not been on EP since 06 Jan 2008??

I am in the same boat also. My husband and I still go out and he will give me kisses and hugs; we actually have a great time as best friends, but there's no sex whatsoever. It worries me to read all the posts about leaving because it wont get better. Is there any good news on here?

I know what u r talking about . my husband ( not now) would do the same thing. when i wanted SEX . it was always NOT now OR I am tried. Until I did cheated on him ( i know it was wrong) with a guy who did make me happy. at the time. IF a man or women is not into SEX they should let the person know. before anything happen....<br />
i hope & pray u do find some 1 that makes u happy

gay gay gay gay gayyyy annnnnnd gay

Wow! There are so many people out there in the same boat. How about this. I found out my husband had cheated on me, and I was disinterested for a long time. I thought about kicking him out but we stayed together for the kids. Now, he says he sees me as a sister. And isn't interested. So I have found someone else to satisfy my needs. However wrong it is, it keeps my sanity. We should probably just go our separate ways.

pocliz jus do it.. 4 u!

Tell your fat husband he needs to get trim and fit so he can service you. He needs to man-up. Or you need to dump him for a real man.

Run! Don't walk!!! If you have the chance, get out. I have been married 17 years. No sex for the last 7 years. No affection, no hand holding, no kisses. My husband is a workaholic. He would rather work than talk to me or his children. I know he is not having an affair because he works from home. I would leave but I can't because of the kids.

Make sure you know WHAT you are looking for. And do not look out side the marriage unless you are prepared for all sorts of emotions i can't begin to describe. You find a lover, and every thing is fine in that moment that you are with them. BUT you have to go back home and so do they and that makes you feel hopeless. Then there are the times they are not able to meet you and you feel rejected by TWO people. I suggest you either talk openly to your partner about letting another person into a triadic marriage relationship (mine wouldn't go for that, not many will) OR you leave. If you are young, start again perhaps?. Good luck

hello. i thort i was the only 1 lol.. i was mates with my boyfriend for 3yrs b4 we got 2getha,,i think getting 2getha was quite hard at 1st as we realy didnt know each other as we thort we did yet we spent nearly every single day 2getha went places and told each otha our problems..he was married for 16yrs wen they split i was no rebound as he was with some body else wen i met him,,he was only with her for 4mnths but as he got 2 knw me he dumped her and thats wen we became realy good friends, with him getting 2 know me he started aving these feelings 4 me so after the 3years ad passed thats wen we got 2getha as boyfriend and girlfriend..this is wer our problem lies.... we av been 2geta for 10mnths now and guess wat we av only ad sex about 5 times,, it hurts so much as he makes me feel un wanted and unattractive,,he tells me that its not me its him he tells me he loves me 2 bits with all his heart but ime not 2 sure he does..we argue about it all the time but he just says it will happen and ime like yeh wen tho...i do love him but he is driving me away but i am finding it hard 2 do that 2 him,, he does show his love by kissing me cuddling me giving me big hugs at every moment possible and he tells me all the time he loves me so much and he has admitted he hasnt got a high sex drive making love isnt an option he says we av the rest of our lives 2geth but i cant see it lasting much longer but i dont want 2 hurt him as he is a realy nice man...i am at my wits end i av also asked him 2 go c a sex therapist he says he will but it just hasnt happened ...wat can i do any 1 with some good advice out there ???

My wife nags, complains at me and puts me down all the time. She makes me feel like I am not a man, pretty often. She never yells or screams or anything of the sort, she just knows how to make me feel like crap and I resent her deeply for it. I finally realized why I lost interest in her sexually. Men have feelings too. It's not always automatic with all men. I'm not saying that's your issue. But I would imagine it wouldn't be as simple as "he's just not interested". Something to think about it.

My wife nags, complains at me and puts me down all the time. She makes me feel like I am not a man, pretty often. She never yells or screams or anything of the sort, she just knows how to make me feel like crap and I resent her deeply for it. I finally realized why I lost interest in her sexually. Men have feelings too. It's not always automatic with all men. I'm not saying that's your issue. But I would imagine it wouldn't be as simple as "he's just not interested". Something to think about it.

I know what everyone is talking about here. It was a horrible thing to live through. There's never any answers really why a husband rejects his wife. I try and not dwell on what could have been and hope my future bears smiles and love.