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Tired of Being Rejected

I've been married for 2 years, we have had sex maybe half a dozen times since the wedding, only once in the past 12 months.  Before we were married we had a very good sexual relationship, but once we moved in together it slowed down to basically nothing.  When we have it, it's not that great, he rushes through it so he can go to sleep.  My husband has gained about 50 pounds since we met, so I don't know if it's a lack of testosterone or self esteem, he says there's nothing wrong, he just doesn't feel like having sex.  I'm tired of asking and being rejected, but I miss it.  I find myself fantasizing about cheating on him, I never thought I would do such a thing but I can't keep living like this.  We're still affectionate, we kiss and cuddle and hold hands, but no sex, and it's driving me crazy!  We've talked about it but the situation hasn't improved.  I don't know what to do anymore.
somegirl somegirl 26-30, F 136 Responses Feb 2, 2007

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I have had the same type of thoughts, but I know that if I cheated he would leave me. Plus I dont want to cheat, I want him and only him.

I feel you I'm in same boat sucks

I am surprised by these stories. I am 45 years old and my libido has not dropped one iota. However, I exercise for an hour every day.
My suggestion to you is to go on walks with him for a few weeks every night. Once he drops a little weight start doing a walk/jog combination. Also, like someone else said try to get him to lift weights. I can always give you my program if you don't know what exercises to do, just ask. Exercise will improve both testosterone and self esteem.

The good part is you're still talking. The tough part is rejection & loneliness are so painful. I understand what you're going through. I've been married 31 years, and it's still hurts.

This sounds exactly like what I am going through, I also have been married only 2 years. What the hell is going on???

Me too! Married 2 years, 2nd marriage also. We haven't had sex for almost a year!

Well damn is it an epidemic?? Damn!!!

make him start lifting weights, then after the tenth or so session, when he takes his pants off go suck him a little then lay him back for some good sex--you stay on top and put your legs on his shouldres, have him massage your **** while you're doing it and you will love the outcome-----if that doesn't work, call me. I will help you

***

The first thing is to remind yourself of your abilities. Then make a plan. Then do the plan.<br />
<br />
My plan started out small. Now it is big. But everyone has a different plan.

2 years and he is already done...you dont need to cheat....you need to get out...cheating destroys the person that gets cheated on...damage that sometimes cant be repaired... i wonder how adventerous your sex life is...if it has turned vanilla...fix it...otherwise get out...dont make the msitake of an affair...

very good respond,high five

Hi I didn't quite understand what you mean with "get out"? And how could I repair our vanilla sex live if he won't even respond to other things? I've tried lingere, oral, anal, handcuffs... but still has not helped at all, the outcome is I feel used for all the many months to come until he finally wants some more again

I can relate. My husband loves to cuddle without sex. I would have shown him the front door but it's my second marriage and I put up with it. Anyway I am older than you are. It's not going to get better believe me. You will end up being one frustrated woman. Take him to a counselor or a doctor. Best of luck .

it is funny...not haha funny ...but funny that there are so many of us married folk that feel trapped in a marriage b/c we chose poorly...my wife wont cuddle with me b/c my hands will soon start to roam...or she feels my erection in her back...and we have been married for 38 yrs...of course now it doesnt stay hard for long....our sex life was wonderful at one point...we shared fantasies...mutual ************...oral to completion...then one day....nothing...she wont talk to me about it...all she has to say is that i am oversexed...she still has ******* ...so i dont understand...i have thought about cheating,,,but i really would like to have a friend...cheating is so destructive....

Find you a nice discreet lover and seek satisfaction and go on with your life? At least you might be sexually happy!

I can totally relate. Beginning of the relationship was full of sex. After moving in together it slowed right down but we kept the affection. After years of marriage I was thinking there was something wrong with me, I wasn't attractive enough or whatever. t took it serious, he didn't. I cheated after 9 years of being together then all of a sudden he is interested. After you are denied so many times it's too late i wasn't interested in him like that anymore. We are now working on a separation & eventual divorce. It doesn't matter what the "issues" are - people blame it on financial, or work, or too busy with kids, if you want to work on it and he doesn't take it seriously and put it and you first then there are other people out there that will.

I agree.... after being denied so many times, it becomes "to late"..... that is a sad fact.

I am at that point, but I love him so much. I know that he doesn't love me the same.

I wonder if he is under some sort of stress. Weight gain, lack of interest in sex go side by side with depressive state of mind. Is there something that is going on at work? Financial issues can drive people crazy, especially men.

well i am in the same situation but i will have been together 14 yrs and married 9 yrs and it does not get better, my husband had gained weight, and drank, just recently he stopped drinking 111 days now and people use to say well maybe he can't perform cause of the drinking, well that was not true cause he lost weight and stop drinking and still no sex. you are early in your marriage but i can say that if after u sit down have a long talk with him about your issues and if things don't change u might consider getting out of the marriage, i my self still don't know what i am gonna do cause the more years you are together the more you have to lose and it so makes it harder. hope things will be easier for you. i wish you luck

Trade him in!

Communicate as much as you possible. Be truthful. Even consider a deadline. I know women and men who work at their relationships for years but there is no deadline. I have a close friend who asked her husband for over two years to go to counseling to talk about their sexual issues. He put it off and put off. Finally, she gave hime a date and a place to be. She said if he wasn't willing to show up and participate she believed it was time to divorce. <br />
<br />
He didn't show up.<br />
<br />
They divorced.<br />
<br />
Both remarried to people much more suited to them.

Life is so short. Speak to him about the issue, and losing some weight. Be honest and kind. You have one life, make everyday count. Sometimes we just aren't compatible, and sometimes once the guy has the girl, or vice versa, romance and respect stop. I lived like you did for a long time, with a cheater. I was so happy when I got divorced, even being alone. It takes balls to get divorced, but taking charge of your life takes balls. How many of us just exist? Letting lifes river take us where it wants to, rather than grabbing a hold of ourselves sometimes and pushing into our own desired direction. Take charge, and don't let another day waste away. Regret sucks, and yet so many of us comply to it.

After only two years? I would run away from this marriage as fast as possible. What do you think this marriage will be like in ten years? Leave and do it soon. It does not look like this marriage is going to work.

This sounds exactly like my marriage at the two year mark . Have some tests run make sure it's physical. If alls well? Tell him put out or get out. It just gets worse. The cuddling will go before long. You need a man not a buddy.

I know how you are feeling... unless he is able to work through what he is dealing with or whatever it is in his life that has caused him to loose interest nothing will change.. The worst thing I have dealt with throughout all this is putting yourself out there and being vulnerable and getting turned down, eventually you just give up and either cheat or become depressed...

I cuddle and try to kiss, but only get cold shoulder. Sex occur once or twice a month. An act performed to be some duty on her part. Many times I approached her and was rejected. Mention alternate positions or scenes and it get shot down. Boredom!! No intimacy, no deep kissing for decades. Just the same routine : wait for bedtime, wait for invite (SHE has to do the invitation) , this, that and then I finish my 'business'. <br />
So last week I got fedup. No showing of love from me , no crawling and begging. Just peck on cheek, aloof cool and absent. When invited next night I REFUSED, telling she only does it as a duty!<br />
Hell hath no wrath like a woman scorned !! . . . . She did not take it lightly and seemed very hurt. But after reading some stories here I think things are really not that bad. I take some tips from you here, maybe I can rekindle the fire.

Cheating is wrong yes. There is another way , so radical society dont want to accept it. This is the reason for so many heartache, pain , suffering and crime. The concept of monogamy. Are we really built to have only one partner for life? I think not! After so many failed monogamous marriages , isnt it time humankind reconsider? Is polygamy such a sin? Does christianity really have all the answers? And in particular reformists and catholic societies. So. Cheating on your wife is having an affair without telling her about it. Wont it be better if you approach your sexless wife (whom you still may love) with the following proposal : "lets be realistic. Neither of us want a divorce, your sexual appetite is waning but mine is still strong. I dont want to cheat on you by having an affair. How about WE get ourselver another wife? A friend for you and a wife for me. ?"<br />
Radical !? Yes , but be aware that millions are already practising polygamy. All muslims and most african cultures. Here is the proof : in those societies *********** , rape and perversions are much less.

And how would you sugest I propose to my husband? "How about WE get ourselves another husband? A friend for you and a hubby for me. ?

Not so far fetched ! There are indeed isolated cultures where polyamory is accepted. And is prostitusion not the same as one wife many husband? So, if you hint at it, maybe your husband agree!

Get ot now girl you are way too young not to be sexually happy in your relationship

Same hee. Except he prefers videos and his hand. E are seperated but not divorced

Wow it sounds like you and I are married to the same man... My heart goes out to you because I feel the same kind of desperate lost and lonely feelings that you do *hugs* <br />
<br />
I am at my wits end too. I see this was posted a while ago, have there been any changes? For you I hope so my marriage has been like this for 5 years and it hurts in ways I don't have words for.

I haven't read the million comments before me, but I will tell you from my experience so far you have these options:<br />
1. don't cheat. I did that after a few years of massive confusion and rejection. It will only leave you temporarily justified/satisfied and then your left with the bull that follows it. <br />
2. Counseling. It's expensive, and ultimately you will probably end up where you started.<br />
3. If you are determined to stay with him. Then buy a sybian. It is an exceptional wise investment. Even if you dont stay with him...make the investment, trust me your worth it.

I know this is different, but I'm dating a girl (I'm bi sexual) and we have hopes of getting married one day soon, but she is completely celibate. I left my boyfriend/fiancé to be with her because she's amazing and I love her, but I feel completely alone, tired, and unwanted because she never wants to have sex. I get a peck on the lips when we say goodbye, but that's it. I'm not even close to being a virgin, but I've never had sex with a girl before, so technically I'm not "missing" anything. I miss the closeness that comes with knowing someone mind, body, and soul. I don't want to cheat on her, but I find myself thinking about it all the time now. I just want to feel loved and desired again and my trust in men is completely down the drain now. I guess I'm starting to understand how it feels to be in a sexless marriage. I'm praying for you and everyone else that they get that intimacy again.

It could be a physical problem or a mental problem.<br />
If he won't seek help, make it clear that you cannot live like this and you will leave him. If that doesn't work, then leave his sorry ***.<br />
You may have to leave to wake him up.

Well I'm in the same boat, and just about ready to jump ship. He only wants me when I'm leaving or someone else is sniffing about.<br />
Says it's been so long he's ashamed.<br />
Same length of time for me.<br />
Can't do this any more it's soul destroying.<br />
Think I'd run off with the first man to say a kind word to me.<br />
Not as if he's good and kind to me.

I know how you are feeling. It's been 2 years for me... No sex. No intamacy. Inmay get a fake kiss once in a while

You know I used to think that cheating is always wrong but after reading all of these sexless mariiage stories I've changed my mind. But if you are in a sexless marriage and you have tried all comunication and still no change do whatever you like. Life is too short.

You're right. Life is too short. So, dump the sexless marriage, run from it, get a divorce, THEN find someone to share your life with. If you cheat, the sympathies will be with your refusing spouse. Plus, it puts in an unnecessary delay for someone who started out as an affair but is "the one" for you - and you for them.

Leave.If you read my post will explain more.My partner ended it with me in January again as he couldn't bear hurting me.Now he wants me back.I have told him I am not going to be in a relationship with someone that has no intimacy, or sex or making time for one another.Plus we had no social life- he likes to stare at tv all night.If he can change yes I will go back but if not then no.

As much as this sounds bad, I am happy to hear that I am not the only woman going through this. I am tired of not getting any.. and the rejection kills me. I recently got the opportunity to get some on the side.. but I never thought that would be something I would consider. I don't know how much more I can take of this!

I've been married for 12 years to a good man, but we go for MONTHS without sex. I used to try to talk, and basically ask for it, but he always falls asleep, or forgets; almost like it is a gift from him; so decided to quit asking and go for as long as it takes without it. It hurts to live like that, you feel ugly, unwanted, humiliated when you ask to be loved and get nothing, and depressed all the time wondering what is wrong with you.

Never trust a man who does not sleep with his wife.

I feel that way all the time in my relationship now.

I think I agree with u.. Before we were married he said before he started dating he used to go to massage paulors... I thought that was very disrespectful. And gross! After we started dating he said it stopped ... I found a **** cd when we were dating and one time when he kicked me out I found **** on his computer... Men!

My wife has not wanted sex since getting pregnant and delivering. I don't get how she doesn't want to do anything about it when I've shared how awful I've been feeling about the rejection. She is typically very considerate toward others, so it's extra hurtful that she doesn't want to do anything about it. I'm sorry you're feeling like this. You're definitely not alone. And yes, I've been fantasizing about affairs, also. I mean is it really a marriage if there is no sexual intimacy?

No, it is not a marriage. You should seriously look at your situation differently: your wife does not love you. She married you for convenience.

How long has it been since she gave birth? I read that whilst women can have sex whilst pregnant it is safer for her to have sex 4 to 6 weeks after giving birth.

We finally had sex recently, but we went approximately 13 months without sex after childbirth.

I can relate to a sexless marriage,but the reason that I have been rejected is that I have been told my husband wanks himself off where do I go from that ?

Get a divorce.

I can relate to a sexless marriage,but the reason that I have been rejected is that I have been told my husband wanks himself off where do I go from that ?

You have got to wonder why do people marry when they have no intention of a sexual relationship. Unless both partners agree and don't want sex or are unhealthy and can't it just seems crazy that it happens. I believe in sex before marriage, but even that may not tell you anything especially if people shut down after getting married.

Am I invisable ??

I am living the same life but my husband can screw other women just not me

OMG! I'm going through the same thing but the difference is he's not affectionate. No kissing or petting... I may get the occasional hug or hand holding but nothing more than that. This has been going on for almost a year and I don't see any relief in sight!!!<br />
I truly feel your pain and frustration.

Hi did your relationship ever improve ? I'm in the same boat now

See a sex therapist Or a marrige guidance Councillor........ With me Not being able to think properly Due to "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome" / Myalgic Encephalomyelitis its hard for me to think properly.................<br />
<br />
LOL

Illness plays a large part in just about everything doesn't it?

i am 18 years down the line and still in the same situation as you are think very carefully before you decide your next move . its soul destroying to live like this, would your hubby see a sex therapist with you?<br />
i have grown to resent my hubby and now have very few feelings /respect for him, please dont let yourself become like me. wish you well for your future.

i am 18 years down the line and still in the same situation as you are think very carefully before you decide your next move . its soul destroying to live like this, would your hubby see a sex therapist with you?<br />
i have grown to resent my hubby and now have very few feelings /respect for him, please dont let yourself become like me. wish you well for your future.

If Any of you ladies live in My area, then let me know, and I'll deputise for him.......... :)<br />
- I cant be any fairer than that..................... :)<br />
<br />
LOL

i know what you mean, my wife lost her sex drive when we had our first son, now a days if i do get to have sex she makes it sound like a sacrifice on her part. its almost like a game to her, she enjoys touching me then will want to sleep with out any further input on her part. its also bad because i work graveyard shifts and so i have no contact with anyone but her. i have started fantasizing about getting with other women. i love my wife and dont want to leave her but it is had when you dont get your needs fulfilled and you get scoffed at when you bring up the issue. i dont know about how the molestation of your husband plays into the problem but i do know that it is part and that maybe therapy will help the both of you. you should do two parts, privet for him and couples to work things out.

Get out, get out, get out, get out (a million times). Life is short. There are good people outside of the marriage. And in fact, it can be more miserable inside the sexless marriage than sexless and alone outside. At least you can go online and no-one moans at your infidelity.... because once you're out of the sexless marriage, and free, it's not cheating. It's allowed.

Replace him with a 12" piece of plastic and a couple of batteries............. <br />
Good luck.......... :)<br />
LOL

He is probably depressed.He may have some sexual fantasies that needs to be stimulated and he is too embarrast to reveal.<br />
I alot of men would like a sexually agressive mate.Just try to take the lead just start ********** him,then climb on....;-)

My first 2 marriages I didn't want the sex but now I have a boyfriend who doesn't want it and I do all the time. Payback is a ***** I tell ya. I never thought a guy wouldn't want it all the time so this is weird for me. It fuels me up inside so bad. I always assume a guy is getting it from somewhere else but I have no proof. He claims he just doesn't always feel like it and that I'm making a big deal out it. It's sad how making love should be a big part of the relationship but not everyone sees it that way. I'm starting to understand on why people do cheat.

Karma

im completly agree wirh the fist comment im going through the same thing im only 19 my husband is almost 24 we have been together 2 years married for almost 6 months but ever sence i had are little girl who 7 months he has completly lost interest he doesnt hold my hand inless i grab hes he dosnt cuddle inless i beg him and 1/2 the time not even then i well dress sexy and try to get him to but no matter how much i try or ask he always says no sadly i have had sex with him 5 times in 7 months when i was prego with are little girl we werent aloud to have sex i have no clue if that has to do with it or not but I love my hjusband but i have always been really against cheating but now i think about it all the time its driving me nuts (i hate it)!!! I just feel like hes thinks im **** and Hes the only person i have ever been with and i just feel if i want to have sex with my husband it perfectly natural! and he should want to too were both young and attractive so whats the problem! i thought he was cheating for a while but im for sure hes not but i agree what can you do he turns me down and says comments like all you think about is sex why does it matter im tired or he actually said i was bad at being on top he has never said anything to me like this before! he has always wanted me on top before i got prego and we had sex all the time and now im lucky if its once a month and thats usually because i buy him alcohol and that makes it easier to get him to have sex it kinda makes me feel like im taking advantage of my husband for i have to get him drunk first how sad is that!

For those commenting at present (June 2011) :<br />
are you aware that the OP has not been on EP since 06 Jan 2008??

I am in the same boat also. My husband and I still go out and he will give me kisses and hugs; we actually have a great time as best friends, but there's no sex whatsoever. It worries me to read all the posts about leaving because it wont get better. Is there any good news on here?

I know what u r talking about . my husband ( not now) would do the same thing. when i wanted SEX . it was always NOT now OR I am tried. Until I did cheated on him ( i know it was wrong) with a guy who did make me happy. at the time. IF a man or women is not into SEX they should let the person know. before anything happen....<br />
i hope & pray u do find some 1 that makes u happy

gay gay gay gay gayyyy annnnnnd gay

Wow! There are so many people out there in the same boat. How about this. I found out my husband had cheated on me, and I was disinterested for a long time. I thought about kicking him out but we stayed together for the kids. Now, he says he sees me as a sister. And isn't interested. So I have found someone else to satisfy my needs. However wrong it is, it keeps my sanity. We should probably just go our separate ways.

pocliz jus do it.. 4 u!

Tell your fat husband he needs to get trim and fit so he can service you. He needs to man-up. Or you need to dump him for a real man.

Run! Don't walk!!! If you have the chance, get out. I have been married 17 years. No sex for the last 7 years. No affection, no hand holding, no kisses. My husband is a workaholic. He would rather work than talk to me or his children. I know he is not having an affair because he works from home. I would leave but I can't because of the kids.

Make sure you know WHAT you are looking for. And do not look out side the marriage unless you are prepared for all sorts of emotions i can't begin to describe. You find a lover, and every thing is fine in that moment that you are with them. BUT you have to go back home and so do they and that makes you feel hopeless. Then there are the times they are not able to meet you and you feel rejected by TWO people. I suggest you either talk openly to your partner about letting another person into a triadic marriage relationship (mine wouldn't go for that, not many will) OR you leave. If you are young, start again perhaps?. Good luck

hello. i thort i was the only 1 lol.. i was mates with my boyfriend for 3yrs b4 we got 2getha,,i think getting 2getha was quite hard at 1st as we realy didnt know each other as we thort we did yet we spent nearly every single day 2getha went places and told each otha our problems..he was married for 16yrs wen they split i was no rebound as he was with some body else wen i met him,,he was only with her for 4mnths but as he got 2 knw me he dumped her and thats wen we became realy good friends, with him getting 2 know me he started aving these feelings 4 me so after the 3years ad passed thats wen we got 2getha as boyfriend and girlfriend..this is wer our problem lies.... we av been 2geta for 10mnths now and guess wat we av only ad sex about 5 times,, it hurts so much as he makes me feel un wanted and unattractive,,he tells me that its not me its him he tells me he loves me 2 bits with all his heart but ime not 2 sure he does..we argue about it all the time but he just says it will happen and ime like yeh wen tho...i do love him but he is driving me away but i am finding it hard 2 do that 2 him,, he does show his love by kissing me cuddling me giving me big hugs at every moment possible and he tells me all the time he loves me so much and he has admitted he hasnt got a high sex drive making love isnt an option he says we av the rest of our lives 2geth but i cant see it lasting much longer but i dont want 2 hurt him as he is a realy nice man...i am at my wits end i av also asked him 2 go c a sex therapist he says he will but it just hasnt happened ...wat can i do any 1 with some good advice out there ???

My wife nags, complains at me and puts me down all the time. She makes me feel like I am not a man, pretty often. She never yells or screams or anything of the sort, she just knows how to make me feel like crap and I resent her deeply for it. I finally realized why I lost interest in her sexually. Men have feelings too. It's not always automatic with all men. I'm not saying that's your issue. But I would imagine it wouldn't be as simple as "he's just not interested". Something to think about it.

My wife nags, complains at me and puts me down all the time. She makes me feel like I am not a man, pretty often. She never yells or screams or anything of the sort, she just knows how to make me feel like crap and I resent her deeply for it. I finally realized why I lost interest in her sexually. Men have feelings too. It's not always automatic with all men. I'm not saying that's your issue. But I would imagine it wouldn't be as simple as "he's just not interested". Something to think about it.

I know what everyone is talking about here. It was a horrible thing to live through. There's never any answers really why a husband rejects his wife. I try and not dwell on what could have been and hope my future bears smiles and love.

Buy some phermonoes on the internet, and use them.<br />
<br />
PheromoneFrom Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaJump to: navigation, search <br />
<br />
Fanning honeybee exposes Nasonov gland (white-at tip of abdomen) releasing pheromone to entice swarm into an empty hiveA pheromone (from Greek φέρω phero "to bear" + hormone from Greek ὁρμή - "impetus") is a secreted or excreted chemical factor that triggers a social response in members of the same species. Pheromones are chemicals capable of acting outside the body of the secreting individual to impact the behavior of the receiving individual.[1] There are alarm pheromones, food trail pheromones, sex pheromones, and many others that affect behavior or physiology. Their use among insects has been particularly well documented. In addition, some vertebrates and plants communicate by using pheromones.

Hi, I have beem married to my wife now for about 6 yrs. Our situation is close to yours. We live happily together with kids and are very affectionate yet she has no sex drive.I make advances often yet nothing, just a cold shoulder most the time. I have a very high libido and seek it regualarly. Like you the thought of cheating has crossed my mind. It is not the step i want to take but is getting harder by the day. I love her very much and have a great connection with her. The other connection just isnt happening. I hope you have realized you are not alone and thatr if you dont have kids, your best decision may be to move on because it can really affect the rest of your life. good luck.

It sitll amases me how many people there are that are in situations similar to ours, is it like what someone said that we married the wrong person - how can someone change from being overly sexual too not being sexual at all??? <br />
<br />
Are we at fault for making them change as my hubby has told me, or is that just the execuse they give us so that it isn't there fault?<br />
<br />
I myself am tongue tied as to how to proceed with regards to my marriage - he swears he isn't getting it else where so many people have said bail out while you sitll can - but isn't love supposed to be strong enough to concur all??

I've had that conversation many times with my husband, frankly I'm tired of asking him, tired of feeling ugly and unwanted, I don't know what else to do

I'm new also and these stories are like my life . When we first met everything was good and hot like 3-5 times a week 4 years later down to once a month and getting worse. I used to beg but given up on that also . My question is what's up with all the wemon on here ? You'd think you would see alot more men then women. How can a man be "to tired" my wife uses that line every single day . I guess all refusers use the same playbook. My delima is I have a friend who tells me I can come over anytime I want and "hang out" she's a very attractive girl but I haunt taken her up yet but I'm seriously considering it .

I'm new also and these stories are like my life . When we first met everything was good and hot like 3-5 times a week 4 years later down to once a month and getting worse. I used to beg but given up on that also . My question is what's up with all the wemon on here ? You'd think you would see alot more men then women. How can a man be "to tired" my wife uses that line every single day . I guess all refusers use the same playbook. My delima is I have a friend who tells me I can come over anytime I want and "hang out" she's a very attractive girl but I haunt taken her up yet but I'm seriously considering it .

Because he doesn't love her but he's too chicken to tell her. x

My man is starting to do the same thing...our passionate, crazy loving making has completly stopped>>>we love each others company, hang out, do projects together...but he barly touchs me....oh I get the kissing pecks...but he says hes just not interested in sex at this time...and to be patient becasue it will come back...I dont know...I feel lonely...but I love him and KNOW he loves me....this is the hardest thing I have ever experienced with a man...this has never happened to me in the past...and I feel like my sexy days are numbered...

Cheating is not good, but if a man or woman don't take care of home, someone else will be delighted to do that and beyond! Just make sure if you want to stay with him don't fall in love with the side guy or you in trouble:), I would just get some toys personally, and work it out right next to him...LOL he'll get the point and if he dont then I go find the real thing, make his azz feel bad about not pleasing his woman you had to get a fake one..!.anyways, Do what you have to remember, we dont stay young forever :)

I am a guy so ......... I think u guys should go out on a night and just have time for u and him for one night And forget about every thing eles

I wish I could think like a guy, I have no doubt that I would find a one night stand the issue here it's we love our man and want to be touched by him which its so sad being rejected.

Someone please tell me a story about it changing for the better! I am angry, I feel the same as you as if it is me but I know deep inside it is not. He loves me & tells me I am beautiful but where is the incredible sex we use to have or any sex. It is insane when a beautiful sensual woman has to beg her future hubby t(which at this rate no wedding is happeneing) to let her just give him a bj. That has happened to me repeatedly. Tired of it, I do not want to cheat or leave but I feel like we are roommates who flirt occassionally with eachother.

Cheating may not be good but neither is entering a marriage and then being cheated out of sex in the best years of your life, If she had said she would no longer want sex after we said I Do then I would have had the chance to make the decision. It was like marriage took away her sex drive. I have to say that in certain instances Cheating may be warranted.<br />
I have lived for sex for so many years I have mentally taken it out of the picture for myself, trust me it is not desireable but was a necessary survival tactic. If you have the chance Cheat, If you get caught it may at least light a fire and open up other communication tactics, or it puts an end to the misery.

Begging is the worst isn't it? I use to beg, then I stopped doing that. In some ways it's better because I'm not rejected as much as I use to be. I've more or less have stopped trying in general. I still make remarks but those are usually left with an uncomfortable smile. Never any follow through. I use to think how is that a man doesn't want to have sex but the woman is more willing? I use to feel so alone, like I was the only women married to a man who doesn't want to have sex. Unfortunately for me I think it's something I probably should have seen coming but like the rest of us out there, I thought things would change. It hasn't, he's always had a low libido and I guess it would get better, it's only gotten worse. <br />
So for now I've stopped trying and I'm just waiting for something to change. I don't really know what I'm exactly hoping will change but at this point it can't get any worse. We've have sex 2 times in the last 12 months. We have a young son so it's not so easy to just dump and run, or even to consider cheating (that's not to say I haven't) it's just having a 3 year old makes it all the more complicated. I figure as long as we can get along in other ways, then I'll keep moving forward.<br />
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However I just want to say it's nice to know that there are other women out there with the same issues. I hated feeling like I was the only one. <br />
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There really isn't a right or wrong answer in my opinion, everyone has a different path.<br />
Happy Holidays.

I agree with smallerect84. And it is even worse when you get teased and then dropped. My husband makes constant sexual inuendos, but when we finally get the kids in bed, I am all nice and clean and showered, thinking I will get some, he acts all tired and disinterested. It makes me feel invisible, like I am not worthy of his interest. It hurts. I woke this morning like many mornings in the past 3 months. I have tried to tell him and he becomes attentive that night, then it's back to nothing. I feel humiliated for having to beg for sex. I want out. Women are raised to believe it is easy for them to find sex. Why get married if it will mean the end of sex???

Reading these stories scares the hell out of me. My wife never initiates sex. I always have to be the one to make it happen. And she has no problems telling me that she is too tired or that she doesn't want to. I have sex about 2 times a month, which is more than what I'm reading so I sure feel sorry for you guys. I think she likes sex, but I don't think I'm her type. Why doesn't she just own up to it and let me move on. Sometimes I wonder why my wife even bothers keeping me around. She doesn't seem to need me. I think I'm her handy man allowed to be around so I can mow the yard and collect the rent from tennants. I'm getting very tired of it. I have done my best. I think I'm going to move on. I don't know when or how it will happen but I just don't see how I can do this until I die. I don't try to cheat, but if one of you ladies with the problems you're having called me, I don't think I would turn you down.

I went thru the same thing, being rejected for 12 yrs. I thought about cheating but didn't, suggested counseling he basically made no effert. Counseling alone didn't help much since he was the refuser,after so many years of resentment, I was on my way to hating him,i decided my life may never be like I wanna it, to be but I'm not getting any younger so screw it I moved out. I don't wanna grow old and never know passion again. Life is to short

thank you, i'm not sure I've ever known passion

I am astonished to say the least!! Never in my wildest dreams did I think even one person lives the way I do let alone all of you! Every post sounds like I wrote it. I have been married 18 yrs and each year got worse. We have 2 kids and because of several issues and our situation I really cannot leave. Not only do we not have sex but he totally cares nothing about me, no affection, no conversation, no doing things together.....nothing. he doesn't eat with us. Comes home, takes a shower, puts a tv dinner in the oven then goes to the ba<x>sement to watch tv until midnight. Comes to bed and rolls away from me. We even got a king size bed so we wouldn't have to touch each other and if I cross over his side he lets me know it so I can move over! He even treats the boys , for the most part, like he treats me but does spend some time with them as long as it's on his terms. So my advice is get out....get out as fast as you can!!! My question is....why? Why do they marry us?!?!?!?!

I am astonished to say the least!! Never in my wildest dreams did I think even one person lives the way I do let alone all of you! Every post sounds like I wrote it. I have been married 18 yrs and each year got worse. We have 2 kids and because of several issues and our situation I really cannot leave. Not only do we not have sex but he totally cares nothing about me, no affection, no conversation, no doing things together.....nothing. he doesn't eat with us. Comes home, takes a shower, puts a tv dinner in the oven then goes to the ba<x>sement to watch tv until midnight. Comes to bed and rolls away from me. We even got a king size bed so we wouldn't have to touch each other and if I cross over his side he lets me know it so I can move over! He even treats the boys , for the most part, like he treats me but does spend some time with them as long as it's on his terms. So my advice is get out....get out as fast as you can!!! My question is....why? Why do they marry us?!?!?!?!

Why have. You tolerated to live like that?

Maybe he is cheating on you or taking care of himself when you are not around.... I was married and my husband just did his own thing... <br />
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yuck.

Oh dear. I'm new here and every post I read resonates so much with me. These are all my thoughts too. How can this be??? Some are saying "Get out." and "It gets worse." and it scares the crap out of me. <br />
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somegirl,<br />
Your situation is very much like mine. I remember on our wedding day, we didn't even do it. I was very upset but figured "No biggie. We'll make up for it later." Later became one frustrated week after another with very little sex spread out over the years. Is this my reality? Is this our reality? Now that I see how many of us are in the same boat that ain't going nowhere, I'm starting to really worry.

Just tell him what you plan to do and do it. If he wants to watch? Let him, otherwise go someplace to someone nice!! When he really loves you he'll allow it. xx

smallerect84, ur wife is just being a... tease, she doing it on purpose and she's enjoying it. ive known a few females who have done it. from what ive gathered, from talking to them. she's too comfortable in the relationship and feels she has the power to do w/e she wants without reguard for you. long as she gets her way she dont care. <br />
it's a game to her, like monopoly... once she has boardwalk and park place the game is moot. she has what she wants so why continue the game? <br />
either get use to enjoying the time u have with your hand and being miserable, or punt her out the door and find some one who wont use u. <br />
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just a suggestion, take it or leave em

Im the same as you for the last 2 years but i've been maried 22years now.

somegirl... I guess I'm shocked that this can happen to a woman, too. (I'm new to this site). My wife just can't seem to do it, even though she says I'm good looking and very attractive to her. She just can't physically do it. And, I feel rejected a lot. She'll get me excited by saying some flirty things and acting a little wild, then she'll quit before we actually get going. Happens a lot. We have 3 children, though, so I don't feel I can leave her. And, I love her, so it's very hard to even think of that.<br />
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Sorry to hear of your situation. Sometimes, i think it would be best just to find someone else. But, you know, I think, with someone else, even if we sexually clicked, it would just be some other problems that my wife and I don't have. We're good friends. So, I'm betting on the friendship. Though, it is really tough not to want to want someone else, at times!

Soemgirl - read some of my stories if you can - I joined EP over a year ago. I was (technically, still am) married for 2 and a half years before making the decision to leave after years of sexlessness, made only worse once we got married (we were together, in total, 7rs)....fortunately, we didn't have kids, but getting out was the BEST decision I ever made! Yes, it was also the hardest and most painful but after years of fighting my husband on this issue, and him constantly putting his head in the sand and just not facing up to it...i'd had enough....i wasn't going to be one of those people stuck for decades and decades, and looking back on my life in 50 years time, wondering why i let it all go to waste! I wish you all the very best x

Reading your story I am wondering if your husband and my husband aren't related somehow! I am going through the exact same thing - word for word! My husband and I will have a WONDERFUL day together (holding hands; kissing; hugging; saying loving things to each other... and I will think maybe this evening we will connect and finish our day being intimate but he will just go to bed and roll away from me! I have even suggested that if he doesn't or can't have sex (for whatever reason) with me can he help me "get off" - he did this once and has rejected me when I requested for him to do it again (4 weeks later)...<br />
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They are both selfish jacka$$es! I am really upset about this!<br />
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Please let us know how you are doing...

I to pray and hope that each night will be the night i left my husband of 33 years and in a new relationship all the special normal sexual aniversaries come and go like birthday new year new house all the first time places none of these can ever be recaptured ever so you are forever in a state of maybe this time New relationships from what ive read should be full of wild sex and passion then it settles he is happy to cuddle kiss and tells me he loves me always asking for a kiss everytime he walks past me he touches me just a tap or pat etc...to me sometime this feels like an over compensation for lack of sex.i hate feeling like this and feel shallow for thinking all his actions arnt enough .he says stuff like how many couples touch and kiss and hug as much as he does.i support him financially as well he has no friends or family just one old 84 year old family friend .we have no social life no outings but he keeps saying soon soon that will change.. he always has excuses..he does have some health probs but i think he hides behind this so he is never answerable for his actions.this site is a real eyeopener and a great help thankyou all i now know im not crazy ..i think theres more chance of the second coming,hell freezing over ,pigs flying,alliens landing,or world peace.than for my man to fix his problem even tho he says he is doing everything he can to fix it and ..wait for it ...."says how do you think i feel about it" well i dont really care how you feel..it is you that is causing all the heartache fo wh dont you just fix it.. let me tell you its because you dont want to.....

Does this enrage anyone else? I hear that crap all the time!!! "Sorry, I don't know what's wrong." Then proceed to do absolutely nothing! No therapy(she turned it down with or without me), self help, books, after all the gifts, flowers, cuddling, walks, tasks etc. She just wants me around so she is not lonely. It drives me insane. I have thus turned to friends and deep spiritual searching. I know that trials help you grow but this is like a Supreme Court Appeal. I keep waiting on a financial time when I can move out(this happened in my first marriage) and I take the total blame for this. The sex was great for 18 months then quickly dropped away to almost non-existent. Well over the past 3 months it has become so.

Somegirl was describing Clinical Depression! <br />
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Do a google search for NAMI, or National Alliance on Mental Illness. Don't let this mess with your marriage! There can be a way to attack it.

I'm sorry to hear your story. I'm in the same situation at the moment. I've been marido my husband for 5 years. We had a great sex life before getting married, then it dwindled to once eve three months, and now has got to the point where we haven't had sex for 4 years. <br />
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We hardly even cuddle or kiss anymore.<br />
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I'm at the point now where I'm considering leaving as I can't bear it anymore, and the associated feelings of low self eteem and blaming myself are becomitoo great for me to stay with him.<br />
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I hope that things work out for you and you decide what to do.