Piece of the Puzzle

actually LittleLena, your'e right on about one thing! He was never really into breasts before. He used to say that he didn't really miss my "real" breasts because they were'nt very pretty anyway! But, I don't get any kissing- no open mouth, no tongue, etc...

from what I read; it seemed like your husband wasn't into breasts before and after the surgery; maybe he's not a breast person. does he touched other parts of your body; if not; then it's his problem or maybe he might cheating. my husband is not into neck kissing or tongue kissing. I feel for you and I"m sorry you have go through it everyday. I would like to say I"m on your side

Just my two cents, but I think you'd be crazy if you DIDN'T want a special connection. After going through something like that I would think most people would realize that what is truly important in life is the connections we make with others - at all levels. That's what baffles me most about our stories - how can anyone not realize that when all is said and done all that really matters are the connections we have made with others...



Tiredofbegging - Your husband is an idiot for not seeing YOU. It is sad and it is his loss, but it doesn't have to be your problem. I can see the real you when I read your posts and you are beautiful in so many ways. If your husband does not recognize that, then you would be better off without him - and someone else will be better off with you. You have so much to give and you deserve to get at least as much in return.



You have to look no further than the posts above to know how very special you are.

I can't tell you how much your support and your words mean to me.

My grandma died of breast cancer and my aunt and mother are survivors-my aunt about 9 years and my mom just had her mastectomy a few months ago- so this story hits home. You should have someone to kiss your scars every day and know how lucky they are that you are still with them.

tob,



You've been given a hall pass, a second chance at life, a new meaning and purpose, etc.



Use it!

Thanks h20.

Isn't it sad tho! I'm not just saying this. I thank God every single morning that I wake up and that my feet hit the floor.

And, please don't take this any other way than as a fact.

I was born with a heart defect too. They didn't discover it until I was 6 years old. I had open heart at 6 yrs. of age. I had multiple health problems prior to: pneumonia, failure to thrive, etc..... boring really.

But, my point is, that I have always, always known that I was blessed. And, that we don't take one single day for granted.



Everyone in this forum knows how our lives changed on 9/11. My point is that each one of us knows in our own way and with our own histories ,"how very precious this life is".

So, why are we willing to accept less? I believe that we are meant to celebrate this life we have been given, by giving to others. And that includes our loving selves.

You husband doesn't know what he is missing!!!! Tell him there are tons of us guys out here who would kill for a women like you. (okay, kill might be a little harsh but tell him anyway)

Don't allow him to drag you down, and don't feel guilty for getting tired of carrying him. Don't even feel sorry for him.



Your survival gave you both a new chance at life, and he has chosen to waste it. Don't chose to waste it with him....



I, too, looked death in the face and survived... And I have no intention of wasting any more time.



Live, girl, live...

IC,

Thanks for sharing your comments with me. I have two friends that have been thru your battle and are healthy and cancer-free now. But, the battle was not fun for them either.

I know that my H is depressed. But, his favorite way of dealing with it is to deny it.

I can't stand to "not enjoy life". We are so lucky.

And, that's why I say that I feel sorry for him. I just don't want to allow him to drag me down, and I don't want to feel guilty for getting tired of carrying him.

Thank you all so much for your loving comments! But, I did want you to know that I'm sure my H has his issues with what I look like. At 5'6" and 134 lbs. I'm once again comfortable walking around my bedroom and bathroom nude. He could care less, but I don't know if it's because he doesn't like my looks, or if he just doesn't care.

Anyway, just an aside, my mother died at 42 of breast CA and her mother at 47. Its an ugly disease.

Dear TOB: This is not your fault, nor is it selfish to want more from life, especially since you have been thru "that".



No one can tell you what to do, but I can sure give my 2cents. Find happiness, and live out the rest of your life giving and getting the love you want and need.



Love and hugs

God bless you TOB!!!!

KFC

TOB, breasts do not make the woman. Breasts do not define a persons sexuality. Breasts are not what men fall in love with (it's the human being under our skin.)



My mother was diagnosed at 41, mastectomy & lymph nodes. The first thing the Dr. whispered to her the next morning was "you are just as beautiful and unique, if not more so today, than yesterday. Don't doubt that for one single second."



Back then they didn't do reconstruction. She had one of those jelly prosthetic she would slip into her bra. I once asked my father if the surgery had changed his attraction to her. ( I guess I wanted to know, in case I follow in her footsteps one day) His answer? "Yeah, it changed things. I wanted her even more than I did before. The courage, determination and at times vulnerability she displayed, made me fall in love with her all over again."



Your H. refusing to help you say goodbye to your breasts the night before surgery.... Sorry, but if it were me, that would have left a scar much deeper than any surgery ever could ever produce. My heart goes out to you. (Gads, If my best friend had called and told me that, I would have gone striaght over and helped her myself~ and I'm straight!)



And I agree whole heartedly, the scars are from a battle you won. They are your Medal of Honor. Wear them proudly.

I'm very sorry to hear of your struggle with cancer TOB. That must have been unimaginably frightening.



I have no idea what your husband thinks of your scars, your "new" breasts, or your illness. Maybe those things bother him. That is a possibility. But you shouldn't let his impression of you define your self-image.



Just so you know, plenty of men exist who wouldn't care in the least about your scars. They would see them for what they are--battle scars. Maybe you didn't get them on the battlefield, but you've literally fought for your life, won, and have the scars to prove it. You should be proud of those scars, and wear them with honor. You are now a battle-scarred warrior, and should walk as tall as any man that stormed the beaches of Normandy.

Yes, you are crazy. Crazy to stay with him. After an experience like that.....breast cancer and surviving it, I would be living life to its fullest. I too had cancer, at a much early age and thanks to my parents, am here today. i enjoyed everyday I was alive after that. Unfortunately life is full of surprises and here we are today, another battle, hopefully we can overcome .

Thanks for the supportive comments beaverman.

I do have some scarring, and no he doesn't want to touch them.

I know that I'm sensitive about them, they aren't real.

I feel so fortunate that I could have the reconstruction at all. And, I do wear a camisole in case he doesn't want to look at them.But, you know that the nite before the surgery, I wanted to have sex, I loved the attention to my nipples, and I knew it would be the last time I got to feel that pleasure.

He turned my down that nite.