Whispering Kind Words.

While I am new to this forum, I am not new to relationship problems. None of us are. My theory about MY sexless relationship is that this is but just a new take, on an old problem....... *Communication between a man and a woman.* 50% me and 50% him, depending on the mood, life events and other contributing factors, we juggle the numbers daily.   Only a theory. I believe it will continue to be the biggest challenge in relationships even after we are all dead and buried. Back to the point...... As I sit back and read the comments, the stories, the attempts to find resolve, I can only feel connected to you all at how we have such a need for closeness, even if it is with a complete stranger, on a message board, with whom we will probably never meet, typing words and characters on a screen. I'm actually quite amused at myself for even having the courage to speak out about the dirty little secrets in my home life.   The purpose for my input today is not to offer advice, guidance or attempts to analyzing another person's life. Believe me, I am not an expert on relationships. I have been in some truly loving relationships as well as one in which I would not wish on my worst enemy. I do however, validate a higher power that has blessed me and placed people along my path to offer a kind word and a shoulder to cry on in times of despair. I am certainly not in any position to offer anyone any tips, tricks or insight on how to repair the damage that has been done in their relationships. Damage serious enough to lead us to reveal our stories in search of some form of peace. My input today is to offer a kind word and share my gratitude with each person here who is open and honest enough and is not afraid to show they are human and reveal their pain. In offering your stories, it helps ease someone else’s suffering. It takes guts to expose your soul.  I thank you. Perhaps your gesture can offer someone else the courage to find their own voice and ease their pain.   In the still of the night, when loneliness sinks in, I whisper kind words to calm you.
smilesalot smilesalot
46-50, F
8 Responses Sep 4, 2007

Smilesalot, I know exactly how you feel and I am experiencing the same thing from my wife, it all started when she started sleeping wrapped up in a blanket(like a cocoon), under the covers. She said that she was cold in the bed, I told her it might be because she has the fan blowing all night and she might feel better if she turned the fan off. Anyway, I have to pry the covers up to crawl under there with her but then she says that I let the draft in. Sometimes it is fine but more often than not I get pushed away. I get tired of getting rejected and sometimes we go a week or more without talking because it turns into an argument and sometimes a month without sex. It never amazes me how we go from that to a loving couple expressing our love with public displays of affection like kissing and holding hands and petting.

It's hard to be honest with ourselves, if you have done all you can do and your spouse refuses to get help whether physical or emotional. at that point you need to make a dicission, is this the life I want, and be honest with yourselves. You can find someone who will share your rightful desires to be loved and give love. Good Luck to all, Grams

I know that one can only be rejected so many times, before they give up....for good. I am trying with all my might to be couragous and not ask for any, so in fact, I will not be rejected...again. <br />
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It is sad when only one person in the marriage is concerned enough about where the marriage is headed, and they are given the silent treatment when they question why? It takes work to make a marriage work, and it takes work from both spouses. It seems in our situation, there is only one trying to do the work of two....just my thoughts.

Grams, well said. Thats where I am at right now. I have spilled my guts to her and want an answer asap. If I dont here want I want to hear, thats it. I am done with trying. Off to be single for the rest of my life.

I'm a little confused sxad, does this mean you stop making advancements to your wife so she will not turn you down. Have you resided yourself to a sexless relationship and just won't bother to try. I understand it hurts to be rejected, but by not talking about the situation or trying to make things happen your at a stale mate. You have to make hard choices and ask yourself regardless of how you feel about your wife is this what I want, can I do this for the rest of my life? I I have had to say I love you good bye and I know it's difficult but sometimes hard choices are all were left with. Good luck

Very well said.....and your thoughts are so true. It has been a rough few days. The need is so great, with results the same. Our little group is the only help I have. This roller coaster ride as I refer to it, never ends.<br />
I wish I were the only one here.....that no one else had this problem. But to all of you that are here, thanks for the help.....<br />
And thanks for the encouragement......<br />
For me, when I try to hug and the sensual side fires up, and then to be ignored, my only resort is to "detach"<br />
This changes everything in a relationship. It changes us.<br />
Amen to the mood swings....I feel like a yo yo....<br />
What has happened to me is, I wil not put myself in the position to be turned down. It hurts too much. I have found I do everything possible to not put her in the position to say no. This morning my feelings are, she will never say no to me again. I wonder if I am up or down?<br />
It is a new day. I put on my happy face and see what this day will bring.

Thank you grams. I am certainly thankful for your encouraging words. Being able to express my feelings about this is the one thing I cherish the most from this forum. As I have said before, it is a forbidden topic in my home. I am scolded like I am a child if I ask for some time to discuss it. I am ridiculed and called inpatient when I express my frustration about it. And the sad thing is, I don't even ask for sex anymore. But I do miss the affection. B-jezz, how can he expect me to just walk around and not want to hold him and cuddle with him. I need to be held and comforted sometimes too. He does not even try to be close to me in any way. I really like him too, ya know. Not just love him, but like him too. He really has a cute and adoreable personality. But this is making me turn away and supress my feelings for him. I am really moody lately and I am sure he can see it. One minute, we are laughing together and the next I am overwhelmed with confusion about our future together. So, sadly enough, I am going to have to disconnect from him emotionally, to save my own dignity and to spare him the torture of my mood swings. I am not sure how I am going to do that, because I like him, I love him and I am in love with him. It is all so confusing for me. <br />
The abscence of human touch, his touch, is killing me.

There is 282 members of this group, it saddens me so, as I had a great relationship and lost my soul mate to cancer over two years ago. To think some can't apreciate and love and be loved in a marriage just boggles my mind, but we are here discussing sexless marriages aren't we. you are definately not alone so vent and let us help where we can, we all are a family of misfits here with our varied circumstances