From All to Nothing....fast!
Where to start...
Firstly I am just pleased to find a site that has real people with the same problems as myself. It's almost like a breath of fresh air!
I have just read a story where someone called this 'problem' a diet that someone else controls, how true! We grab any scrap that is thrown our way, only now I am wondering if the scraps are even worth the pain of wondering why and wanting. I am lost for words, my thought are muddled, I have so much inside wanting to come out but just don't know where to begin...I know the beginning is usually a good start lol
I have been married to Hubby for nearly 3 years, we used to have a very healthy sex life. I am in my mid 30's, H is in is early 40's. While we 'dated' sex was good, in fact it was fantastic. We moved in together and of course sex wasn't all the time but we made an effort and spent time together. We then got married..... sex has pretty much stopped.
Ok, a bit of background.... When we married 2 days later my husband left the country to start a new job, as you would imagine it was upsetting but we knew this was happening and life goes on. We had our plan and that was that. 3 months later I followed him. You would think after just getting married, not seeing one another for 3 months being close would be important? Well it seemed it wasn't for my H. It has been down hill since. At first I put it down to stress as he was under a lot of pressure at work. I tried not to say anything, I do still try not to say anything, it gets me know where. Sex is sporadic, though it seems to be approx once ever 4 months, and then it's as affectionless, it's almost as if he feels obliged to do his duty as a husband. The way I feel afterwards is cheap, I am worth more, I deserve more, so why do I put up with this 'waiting for scraps'?
H claims he just doesn't seem to want sex, he says it isn't me. At one point he told me to go look else where, he didn't mind! The hurt that caused me was immense, am I worth so little in his eyes? I have tried to be a good wife, I am not perfect. I have been offered sex, I have been offered affairs I have even had a declaration of love but it's my husband and marriage I believe in, not messing around, it won't solve the problem in the long run.
How can a man go from loving having sex to not wanting sex at all? Is it something I have done, is it the fact I put weight on, (I have since lost it again) do I look wrong? It's as if he doesn't notice me anymore. I feel like a maid who shares his bed, he thinks this is me being 'silly'. He rarely holds my hand, I get two pecks a day during the working week, nothing at the weekends. I cannot remember the last time he gave me a proper kiss, I know it was over 18 months ago! He cuddles me about once every 3 months and quite often I have to ask for it. I have tried instigating things but he just says he is not in the mood or tired. I have tried the 'lets just cuddle up in bed' it worked once, I feel as if he shrinks when I go near him so have stopped even trying, it hurts too much. We go to bed, I switch my light off and try to sleep, he reads and presume has a sigh of relief when he knows I am asleep.
If I am honest, if we still lived in our own country I would maybe have left him by now. I have tried to talk to him I have also said that I may end up leaving and it doesn't change anything. The pain and upset this causes me is changing me and not for the better. I have no where to turn as the country we live in doesn't have any help for situations like this.
I tell myself daily it is not me, it is not my fault but the doubt is always there. Surely after so little time things shouldn't have got so bad. How am I meant to spend the 'rest of my life' with a man who just doesn't understand that having a sexual relationship with his wife is healthy and that as a woman I need to feel wanted in all ways by him not others.