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Turning 32...

I've just looked at one of my online profiles and realized I am 32 yrs old! I have been thinking about leaving my sexless marriage sincce I turned 30! It has been two years.... No hope! I look at myself in the mirror everyday thinking that I am getting old and missing out on life. What if I leave him when it is too late? What if I can never find a man who makes me happy? Yet I am still too weak to divorce him. I desperately need help! How many more therapist can I see? How much more can I talk to friends and family? What is wrong with me?

Sorry!!! But, I feel hopeless!

And, I am imbarressed to say that.. how many more sneaky sex in the hotel rooms can I have with my lover? I hate it! I do not want to live like this!

confused77 confused77 31-35, F 10 Responses Jun 5, 2009

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You are not the only one. I symathize with you. I have thought of having an affair. I dont know...I just want you to know I understand where you are coming from.

I went to a counsellor about my jealousy issues originally and I told her my story about my boyfriend's lack of intimacy and my feelings. She told me within 15 minutes of being there that he is not the right man for me. Just like that....these were not my issues...it is all him. I even asked her if an open relationship would help...because I thought maybe he was bored of me and maybe other women would make him become more intimate with me. I was that desperate to find an answer that I was willing to share him with other women! She says it would just be a bandaid to the situation. I thought maybe if I could be intimate with other men...maybe I would get my needs filled.



I proposed this to my boyfriend and he said that an open relationship would not help b/c he doesn't even care to have sex with other women at this point...he's just feels no desire at all.



We broke up yesterday. It is hard and I come on here to make sense of it all and see if I gave up too early .... but it looks like there is just not many success stories out there. Unless you can live your life like the way you have been for the next 50 years or even try to wait it out and spend the next 10 years trying to make it work. I just don't think you'll be happy. I made a tough decision to leave someone I love very deeply, but I know in time ...even if I'm alone...I would have made the right decision.

Dear Confused,

My suggestion is to get some counselling for yourself - to help you accept that you are a person who deserves better. I think you might not feel (at a subconscious level) like you "should" leave him.



But sweety, you are in danger of wasting the "best years" of your adult life with this man. Do you want kids? Even if the answer is "no". I know you want a more equal, responsive and satisfying relationship.



You deserve it girl! You just need to let yourself believe that!! Thinking of you with caring thoughts.

danster, I am too weak to leave. There are no other practical reasons. I do not even have any kids. And, I can support myself financially.

pach, thanks for looking at the problem from another perspective. To answer your question, sex has never been good with my husband! If sex was good in the beginning, it would have been much easier for me to be happy with other aspects of my relationship now and do not care about sex much! I have been craving a fulfilling sexual relationship with him from day one! :( Unfortunately, I am one of those people who did not have sex before marriage! Big mistake! :(

do you think you will be happy with someone else? the real question in my openion is,,,,,does your husband ful fill you in other ways? when the sex burn out in the other relationships.....and it will eventually....the same way it did with your husband........are you gonna leave them too?im not judging you in any way........i wish you the best.please evaluate the who picture.personally....if my marriage is good....just not the sex....i wouldnt leave.too many diseases out there.too many people pretending to love you when they dont.too many games.good luck.bigg hugg to you!!!!!!

Thank you for your encouraging comments! I feel better now! :) You all have good points!

Woah confused!



You've kind of taken the first step in leaving by having an affair as you need to withdraw from your husband to able to do that. Well, that was my experience.



And it takes the amount of time it takes to leave, I took almost 2 years from saying it needed to change to actually walking out the door and that was after 9 years of no intimacy. For me, it was almost like a switch being turned on, I just knew I couldn't stay any more.



You are still young, you have time to decide what to do with your life. I don't mean that in a condescending way as I'm 36 so relatively young ;)



Also be gentle on yourself - this is something huge you are thinking about. Leaving your husband will change your life forever, in ways you probably can't imagine now.



Oh and I left 7 months ago and bless my friends and family, they're still there listening to me go on - I love them so much

Are you too " weak " to leave him or are there other more practical constraints. Money children etc. In my view you have to leave someone who makes you seriously unhappy. Its then a process of setting yourself up to actually do it. Sorry to be cold blooded.Iam twice divored and now happily married for twelve years.

Hello, Confused!

Take it easy. I am going thru the same, and I am 42!

The best advice I got up to now was:

- don't ever regret what makes/made you laugh, e.g. go see a comic movie, or be with friends that make you feel well and amusing;

- do some charity or volunteering / comunity work - something that make you feel gratified, good with yourself, something that feeds your ego and self esteem...



I wish you the best!