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I Am Young and Sexless Too...


I feel for you Razzie, Lord knows I do!! your case, just resembles so well to mine; not gay, not cheater husband, but a nice husband (my husband is a great person I must say) who is more than a roomate than a lover; and me too, I am too young to be a sexless wife; I am sure 30+ year married couples are having more than I do and it feels horrible. Advice like: talk to him about the problem so you both can find a solution is well intended advice, but as you and me now, sometimes is so useless. It is easier to say it than make it a reality, if it were so easy! and, actually I feel the same: I dont want to wake up at my early 40's, three kids and realize that I have never experienced what is it to be loved like anyone at any age deserves, with kids that need both parents; I always wanted to be a young mother but now kids are out of question, my husband can be the greatest dad but in this situation kids are not the solution; If it were a problem, a mistress, a physiological problem, at least I'd understand... Most men think I am a knockout but the very one is supposed to be all over me is not.... we are just married less than 2 years you see.... I want to give it a shot too, we human beings are stubborn and we tend not to give up easily so its easy for outsiders to say: just divorce him.... you are telling me, it is not that easy, i married him because i was in love.... But of course there is a breaking point and nobody can live like thart forever I was just pouring my thoughts good luck in whatever is your decision... But sometimes I thing I may get crazy! I have needs and feelings you know?
youngandsexless youngandsexless 26-30, F 68 Responses Feb 12, 2007

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If your husband wont fofill your needs, find someone who will, even the bible says in corinthians, that to deny your spouse "comfort of the flesh, is to invite sin and adultery into your marriage" he has no right to be mad at you for seeking what he refuses to give you

what was it like before signing the marriage contract and then prior to the kids?

While I can empathise with you I also agree that it is almost impossible for to change the behaviour of someone who will not be intimate as I have spent the best part of twenty years while rearing our family in a sexless relationship and for all intensive purposed there is not much else wrong as we are good friends but I desire a little more than friendship, I have been tempted to have an affair but as you have alluded to it is very difficult for one to have confidence in oneself if the one that should be loving you continually rejects your advances, It is almost to late for me as I'm in my mid fifties but you are a young vivacious woman with a strong desire to have children which are off the agenda if you remain in your current situation so I would advise that you terminate the relationship before its too late as you can take it from me things wont improve in the sex department if you remain with this man
Best wishes and I hope you find happiness.

go to passion.com there will be some one close lookin for the same,,

Cheating is not the answer!

It's a real shame feel so bad

We humans are basically promiscuous beings, we love sex, but very soon want another partner. Even in older times married people were having affairs few years after marriage, but now in electronic age it is so easy to find partners that are willing to have an affair.
Marriage and long term relationship are killing lust, and sex without lust is no fun. Finding new sexual partner is easier than ever, and what a pleasure to have sex with a new partner...Remember famous married men, just to mention few of them, Prince Charles, Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods....
The sexual pleasure is so beautiful that they put their careers in jeopardy for few moments of extreme pleasure. Same for women, we are both the same. Really there is no greater pleasure we humans can feel than sexual pleasure.
I was talking to many women and asked them about their wishes and the most secret desires and not surprisingly, they all dream of being penetrated by more than one partner at the same time. So sexual desires and promiscuous nature of humans are stronger than social and moral norms. Computer revolution just makes everything so easy, that many times people start having affairs after few months of marriage.

So my advice to you..... Go out, find yourself a suitable partner and **** your brains out before you grow too old......

u bet!

I totally agree! if you look at it scientifically,men are in the big picture made to procreate life,its in our genes to search for another mate after a while!

Understand ur frustration, for I to am in a sexless marriage. Still love my wife, just want to have sex once in a while. Our situation changed about 5 yrs ago when I was laided off work and she became breadwinner. Now I just work part time and take care of kids. She appreciates me a lot doing that but now seems like not time for anything else including sex. Divorce is out, been married to long. Am contemplating an affair with another married women. But to scared to go thru with it. Been married for 30 yrs. Did not have kids for first 17 yrs. Wife works all time now and I love her for that but just wished she would give me more attention. Too busy. Still might go thru with it later this summer. I understand ur situation.

Don\'t cheat. U wouldn\'t want her to cheat on u.

I never felt so not alone in this after reading. My husband is, though not diagnosed, I believe to be a sexual anorexic. He fits all criteria for the disorder. I am blamed frequently for it, he blamed my weight, I was not even close to overweight, but over time, I developed food anorexia which my psychiatrist thinks his denial of sex is the root of my eating disorder. I am still fighting anorexia, and losing.

He also has constant criticism on my every move, nothing I can do is ever right, projects his own insecurities about his sexual disorder onto me, takes the heat off of himself, or so to speak. I've been in this sexless marriage for five years, the bulk of these five years were asexual. I feel unattractive, ugly, undeserving, undesirable, out of control, self-hating, depressed, etc. I am too young for this, or so I thought, until researching that other young women like myself are suffering the same amount of low self-esteem and plunging morale in the marriage/relationship. There is no intimacy, no more compliments, not even a kiss on the cheek. He just sits at the tv or computer on my days off of work and tells me he's too busy for me, or he's too tired, has a headache, etc.

The only underlying reason I can see for his dysfunction is that he had a rigid (non-religious, though) family. There was almost no love between his parents, and whatever his mother said went around the house, she was really passive-aggressive, which I believe to be a learned trait, which he is taking out on me. That, and before me, he had meaningless sexual flings and short-lived relationships. I am not sure if he's cheating on me, as I don't snoop the computer history out of respect of his privacy, but most male sexual anorexics have a tendency for either **** addiction or cheating to avoid emotional attachment. I work a night job as soon as he gets home from work, that way we don't have to get daycare for our little ones.

Get out woman while you can. My X wanted us to move to mexico and i Kept thnking really can i trust myself to go live with him what if i fall for the butcher or someone since my husband is so sexless. These man who dont want to have sex should of become priests or monks thre is spirituality for you

amen,,lol

Would like to be your butcher. Want to look at your naked body while on your fours, put my lips on your ***** lips and feel your warmth and moisture, want to explore you with my tongue...

so you love him. just because you divorce him does not mean you would stop loving him. you can still be friends but needs are needs and it would be better to find the one that can fulfil you. you are about to reach the period in which a woman peaks sexually it will be very frustrating for you to be with someone who does not want to have sx. come on women do not get married to be the "Virgin Mary" why live life with regrets? u gave it a shot and thats all you can do just because you get divorce does not mean you give up on the person yu can just have a different relationship just friends that can go out and do other physical things like lunch and jogging what ever. wake up and smell the roses because no one can smell them for you.

i'm in the same boat., want to scream

im in the same boat,,, i want to scream !!

I have known my husband for 7 years and haven't been married a year yet. I am in the same boat. My husband is a wonderful man. We used to have extremely passionate sex all the time, until we got married. Its like someone turned the switch. There is no cheating, my husband isn't exhausted from work (he only works MWF), and we don't have kids. We are young (early 20s) and we both love each other immensely. I don't understand why he doesn't want to have sex and I when we talk about it all he says is I don't know. I hope things work out for you and that you find a resolution.

GET OUT...while there are no kids...get out.. otherwise you will be like me..30 years into this and its never changed..the only answer I have ever got was "i dont know" They are wonderful men...but they dont know and we cant fix them.

I recently had another "talk" its been 15 years since the last one. I became void of emotion and intimate feelings, full of suppressed need and denial. I thought I was finally "over it" after all these years I had learned to live in my own lil world of self satisfying if the need arose. Then I found EP and realized I AM A HUMAN, NOTHING WRONG WITH ME other than I have allowed myself to be emotionally abused for 30 years...SO...ONE LAST DITCH EFFORT IS MADE. I will divorce if things dont change. I am nearly 50 now..not the perfect lil body I had in my 20's..a few wrinkles now..not sure if anyone would want me but Im going to try if H dont come around. For now he is saying he is sorry, he STILL DONT KNOW...but he will try. Its still degrading. GET OUT...before you end up like me.

what are u waiting for ?? aint gonna change have some fun @!

my well done you are still in love a friend of mine he spoke to me privately and told me he loved his wife so much and she loved hem dearly but the strain of not having sex was v hard on her and there relationship and would I be her lover I thought of it for some time and all tree of us chatted it is now 8 years and the sex for me is fab and my mate is happy so if you love hem who noes

my name is kartic (indian)<br />
if you feel sexless contact me ...i am also looking for lady ..keep me mail south250@yahoo.com

if your life is sexless why dont you have tried with other men ...many people are doing the same thing...if any lady is interested to have sex with otherman mail me south250@Yahoo.com....i am kartic from india

yet, some of you were saying monthly or quarterly, here I am, no sex for more than 6 years. What I can blame is only myself, I have been warned by all the signs even before our marriage, but I ignored them, put my blind hope into this man, now with 2 kids, I can't just step out of this. So so agree with somebody mentioned before, please, please no children come into this sexless marriage, it will harm more people - which are the kids.

Yes great that you shared,take care

Great post, thanks for sharing. Ditto.

I find a low libido in males has a number of sources. The ingestion of starch and sugars alcohol being the main one of these can over time affect every man but some men it affects them when they are very young and quickly.<br />
<br />
<br />
These three links deal with diet and 'real' food.<br />
<br />
The first is a doctor who had MS was confined to a wheelchair 7 years in changed her diet and walked within 3 months<br />
<br />
Diet doctor is the "Real foods" swedish doctor<br />
The last is Primal/Paleo dieting.<br />
<br />
I recommend you look at them all<br />
<br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pla<x>yer_em<x>bedded&v=KLjgBLwH3Wc<br />
<br />
http://www.dietdoctor.com/<br />
<br />
http://www.marksdailyapple.com/<br />
<br />
<br />
Those links will give you some resources towards having diets that will make men have more energy and higher levels of testosterone and a healthier body. It has the side effect of making women slender and full of energy as well. I've seen 2 people on this diet within a few months with type II diabetes stop using insulin completely. Everyone I know who's been on one who was overweight lost weight easily felt satisfied and were happy.<br />
<br />
I find for myself I have much more energy and a higher sex drive and I'm in my 60s.<br />
<br />
Beyond sexuality is complex. There is a book called Sex at Dawn, which looks at the historical and genetic backgrounds of human sexuality. There seems to be a great deal of evidence that when women are taking multiple lovers that it makes the men even more sexually excited. This is a fascinating book and I read it through my library using Kindle. I would highly recommend you take a look at it and see if it does not give you some ideas.<br />
<br />
I have worked with a number of couples where the husband had lost interest and found renewed interest when his wife had multiple lovers. this is not something everyone can do or at least many imagine they cannot do, however there are a lot of horny men out there in the world think of it as your civic duty. LOL

Quote: "it is not that easy, i married him because i was in love...." /quote So... you were in love? Is it gone? You know, this what happens to you isn't normal behaviour for a man. Most times it is the other way around. With which I do not say THAT is normal behavior. <br />
Have you are just plain told him you are IN need of a lover? When you still love him you should, in my opinion. His answer will tell you whether he still loves you. Compassion is THAT important within a relation.... just test him for your own sake. I know it's not "the" solution, but as you know the solution will never come. So fight! For yourself as for him!<br />
xW

Give him the chase! Get a separate life away from the home. He will soon get interested again! Mark my words.xxx

I may consider doing that too. Giving up on him entirely is a little premature. Try this tactic first, since many of us realize what we are missing once it is gone.

This thread is really sad and comforting. Sad because it appears that many of us WANT it to work out with our spouses. We married them because we LOVED them, wanted totally happiness with them for the rest of our lives. Comforting because we're here, hurting together, sharing our stories, encouraging one another.<br />
<br />
My story is VERY similar to youngandsexless. My husband is a nice person, a good friend, an awesome roommate, though he could help keep the house clean more than he does. I'm in my mid 20's, he's approaching 30 fast. we dated a few years before we got married, been married for a few years. I'm not satisfied, he doesn't meet my emotional and physical needs. I've had 3 emotional affairs, and I've stepped outside of my marriage for sex twice. I told him about the emotional affairs, I felt terrible. I told him why I did it, and what was missing from our relationship that drove me that way, nothing changed.<br />
<br />
Sex, well, he's super spiritual and is still searching to find what is off limits in the bedroom. I think this is just an excuse as to why he doesn't do certain things. I told him I want the total act of sex, nothing off limits. One way I express my love and desire is through sex. Nothing is off limits to me, that's my way of expressing to a man that i trust you, there's nothing I won't do for you if you give me all of your heart. I will protect you, love you, cherish you, make you believe that you're a king in an urban setting. My husband bores the HE.LL outta me in the bedroom. He has no passion, there's no chemistry between us anymore, he has turned me off.<br />
<br />
After going so long and me compromising in the bedroom, I just don't want him that way. When I discuss what I need, he doesn't respond, like he just sits there and says he has nothing to say. I believe that if it's this way now without children, it will get worse after the children come.<br />
<br />
The lack of sexual fulfillment, the lack or romance, the boredom,, the fact that we share no hobbies, have nothing in common, and seem to be on two different paths is making me seriously consider divorce.<br />
<br />
I know he’ll be a great father, so I've considered staying for that, but if he's a great father and a whack husband, what good will it be?

I am not as young as most of you are but have been in the same situation. I was young, just married and barely got any action. I kept thinking maybe it was something I wasn't doing right. I bought sexy lingerie, DVDs, candles, books. Everything I could think of. Ten years and three kids later I recently found an e-mail sent to his ex girlfriend telling her that she was his soulmate and he could never love anyone the way he loved her. I can't really say I was surprised. I always wondered how someone can say they love you and be so distant. Now that he knows I found the email he claims that he is ready to put the past behind him and try to make our relationship work for the kids sake. I love my kids and I want to do whats best for them....but the love I had for him finally died when i had to drive myself to the hospital in labor with our last daughter. After which he text me to say why did I have to wake him up to tell him I was going to the hospital bc he couldnt fall back to sleep.......All I can say is, if nothing changes, don't wait till it's too late.

If any of you ladies arn't getting enough sex and you live in My area just let me know, and I'll deputise<br />
for him...............<br />
Its a bit of a sacrifice, I know but I'm unselfish like that................... :)<br />
<br />
LOL

'So sure to say love ba<x>sed on genuine true love can survive all the turmoil that come the way of two genuine lovebirds. But where other motives did galvanise the union, am damn sure the story will just be the same...downhill love, no kisses and diminishing sexlife bla bla bla.

I am in the same boat only I am the husband. My wife is hard working, responsible... But the intimacy isn't there. I have been married for a little over 3 years now and We have had sex 14 times. This includes the wedding night. When we married she just turned off. She has three children, thats alot of extra baggage. But I would have taken the responsibility of an army, only if she came with the package. I'm not just seeking the act of sex but true intimacy, emotionally, sexually, and physically. ( however, right about now I might settle for just sex) I want that deep bound and excitement to be in the presence of my love. But my wife has been rejecting me and this hurts deeply. I wish I could get her to understand the importance of regular intimacy in marriage but it's like talking to a wall! She has a stubbornness about her. I thought when you love someone you seek to fulfill there needs? I don't even understand this kind of love. Though the pain of rejection time and time again has caused me to give up pursuing her. It would be easier to have intimacy from the head nun at a nunery, than my own wife. I love her and don't want a divorce but having an affair isn't an option to me so I am left with little choices. I decided to look into the bible to find answerers, and I was shocked to find out how God views marriage. It is actually awesome if both parties choose to submit to Love. But we can't make our spouses love us. It is there choice, ultimately. You should read my story titled " what does God think about a sexless marriage" it shows what the bible says about this topic, it's awesome! And if marriage was this way I would definitely want to be married. But this thing I have has only been a roomate relationship. This isn't acceptable to me. I desire more than that. My wife and I are still married but now we live separately. I have come to the conclusion, that I just have to wait for her to return to the marriage. But I don't know how long I can last. And it is indefinite, as to when she will return. I have been contemplating divorce, because pouring my heart to her is just a waste of time. I wish she knew how awesome our relationship could be if we both had selfless love for each other, showing this through intimacy and care for the others needs, wants, and desires. I am growing weary of caring the whole relationship on my shoulders. I hope you get a chance to read my story and give me input to what I think I have discovered about marriage. Good luck!

I can't believe there are so many people in my situation here. I don't know if that should make me feel hopefully or just cry harder. I love my husband so much. When he tells me he loves me I want to believe it but I just feel like his lack of desire for wanting me is going to end up destroying our marriage. We have two boys 11 and 5. I feel so sad. I feel like I am in a bad movie, I never thought my life would end up like this. I just wish there was something that could make me believe him when he says he wants to stay married. I don't want to wait 13 years until my youngest is 18 and find out that I have been a fool to beleive in him all this time.

I know how you feel. I have asked my wife many times, why did you marry me if you don't love me? I just don't understand why she wants to remain and I don't want to be the responsible party to cause wounds in the relationship and divorce her but she is leaving me know other options. God gave us the need to be loved, and our sex drive. The sex drive is suppose to be fulfilled in marriage. Sorry about your pain. I know the feelings all too well. You can read my story titled What does God think about a sexless marriage.

It can be very tough to cope with this. I have to cope with a wife who had sex often with her ex-boyfriends and ex-husband, but when I came along I guess she decided she didn't have to have hardly any sex with me. I feel much less like a man than when I got married, let me tell you. And I now have doubts about being able to please a woman, so although my wife recently kicked me out of the house and divorce is looming, I am NOT looking to date, nor hook up. I don't want to disappoint another woman sexually.

Reading this has actually made me feel like I'm not so alone anymore. I googled sexless marriage to find that 15% of marriages are considered sexless having sex no more than 10 times in one year. I have been been married for six years, I'm 30 years old and feel like I'm still fairly attractive but 10 times in one year would be a miracle in my marriage. We haven't had sex 10 times in one year since the first year of our marriage. I'm not unattractive and my husbad is very good looking but he has hurt my feelings so many times that its hard to allow myself to be sexually attracted to him anymore. We have only had sex once this year on our anniversary. It had been nearly 4 months and we tried and he just went limp on me. I felt so terrible about myself. How do others cope with this?

I feel we belong to the same class and wonder whether we can meet someday

though its something that we have to depend on the significant other i spend my time fantasizing the guys i met in the past and ************. call me a loser. but it gives satisfaction that i have to keep up my mental sanity.

you peple are educated white collar job are yapping too much.<br />
truth: men and women have different sex drive. a handsome lean guy may really<br />
be low or non existent in sex. and the fat slob may f cuk a teenager.<br />
<br />
and somehow there is no way to know that untill you are into marriage...<br />
<br />
nature and propagation of the species doesnt care about love and your worries.<br />
you have fathered/mothered kids and so nature is satified.<br />
<br />
its up to you to go find a man/woman that will meet your sex needs.nature doesnt<br />
know or care about.it only knows your offsprings.