I Live In a Sexless Marriage
Where to begin.... first, let me say that I found this forum while searching info on how to make my marriage better. I am in a nearly sexless marriage. I say nearly because my wife will let me touch her about once every 2-3 months, but only after I practically beg her. This started about two years ago and has gotten progressively worse. The problem, she says, is that I am too big for her. I have a hard time beliving that is accurate though. Why am I suddenly to big for her when for the first 2 years of our marriage (and 2 years before) she was able to handle me without much effort. Yes, I am a bit large. In fact, one woman I used to date told me I have a "freakishly" large penis. It is not that it is too long, but I am very thick down there. I have had friends during college who saw me naked and they said they were jealous. But, they probably got more sex than I did back then because of my size. Most of the women I had sex with complained during sex and especially after sex that they were too sore to have sex again. To be honest, most women would not have sex with me more than once or twice. Three times seemed to be the max. Yes, there were a few who handled my extreme width just fine and I enjoyed those women, but they were often not the type of women I was looking for in a long term GF or wife.
So, I spent my single years going through the ups and downs of life with a freakishly large penis and having girls initially excited to see what I have but then begging for me to stop right in the middle of sex because it was too painful. That happened more than not.
My friends wouldn't have believed it if I told them they had a better sex life than me back then. I just couldn't find the right woman who also happened to have the anatomy that would fit someone my size.
But then I met my wife. It was 6 years ago when I was 32 and she was 39. She was a supervisor over me at a job I held at the time. We were attracted to each other and we eventually went on a date. After a few dates, we finally got intimate. Things went as usual... she seemed excited at the site of my private member down there. But, unlike so many of the others, she seemed to handle it without much effort. And what is better, the first night we spent together, we had sex 4 different times. That almost never happens because my partner is usually so sore after our first encounter that they make excuses not to have sex, at least right away. And, to make things even more heavenly, my wife at the time was able to fit me in her mouth for oral sex. I am sorry to be so graphic, but I almost never used to meet a woman who could even fit me in her mouth without scraping her teeth against me. It was torture and not worth the effort for me or them. But my wife had no trouble with oral. I was in ecstacy with her.
But, that was then and this is now. Today, my wife tells me that she thinks her anatomy has changed and that I am too big for her now. To me, I think she is just lazy. I know it takes a lot of effort to do it with a well endowed man, but she seems unwilling. So, for two years I have been desperately willing all the time but without a willing partner.
Should I go on with this story? Whatever sympathy you may have for me at this point will certainly be erased when I tell you the next part. Please don't judge me harshly.
My wife has a son from a previous marriage who is in his twenties. He is married to a Syrian woman who he met overseas. Her name is Farzineh. He had to go back overseas for a year (not military) and he asked if his wife could move in with us for the year so she could finish her college degree. We have an extra room so we agreed. She moved in with us 6 months ago. I didn't really get along with her very well at first. She is Syrian born and we seemed to have different cultural clashes much of the time. But, she had a sweet side too. My wife and I sometimes argue about the sexless thing and once we were so loud, that Farzineh heard the whole thing. My wife left on business the next day and Farzineh was very kind to me. She told me that things would work out and that she agreed that a woman should give her husband sex as it was her duty and to keep working on it with my wife. After that, we seemed to grow a friendship of sorts. It turns out we have a lot in common. We even took in a movie a couple of times without my wife knowing.
Things chianged about 2 1/2 months ago. This one night, I had finally talked my wife into having sex with me. She complained through almost the entire encounter as usual but I didn't care. I need what I needed and that was it. When we were done, it was late. I thought that Farzineh was asleep because it was after 2 in the morning so I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I heard the t.v. on in the living room and thought I had left it on, so I walked around the corner to turn the t.v. off. My heart stopped because Farzineh was laying on the couch watching t.v. She looked right at me in my full nakedness with my still erect penis. She looked right at it. I was so embarrassed. I said something incoherent and I walked back to my bedroom. I didn't tell my wife what happened as she would have gotten mad at me for walking around naked.
The next day, Farzineh and I had a few hours alone at the house and I apologized to her about walking around naked. She laughed and told me that it was okay and that she hadn't been that excited about a man since she could remember. Do I need to explain what happened next? I am so ashamed. We started kissing and we ended up having sex right there on the floor of the living room. Afterward, we went upstairs and had sex again.
I felt so awful afterward and so ashamed. I knew that what had happened was a terrible thing on so many levels. I tried to avoid her the best I could for the rest of the evening. My wife was home all the next day. When I got home, I could tell Farzineh had something on her mind. We had no private time to talk. So, right around bed time, she waited for me in the kitchen and asked me if I would come to her room to talk about what had happened. I thought that was a good idea. I waited until about 1:30 am to make sure my wife was sound asleep and I went up to Farzineh's room. She was still awake and dressed in just a long tee shirt. We talked about our feelings and I was going in the direction of "oops, this was a mistake", but she was going in the direction of "wow, I am so excited to be around you and I want you again.". So we had sex again in her bed. I have to be honest, she was incredible. The most wonderful thing is that she doesn't complain about my size. She says it is a woman's duty to please her man, even if it hurts a little.
So, now, 3 months later, I am in the middle of this incredible affair with this beautiful Syrian woman and I can't seem to help myself. I am writing this today because I think my wife is becoming suspicious. Farzineh is always near me when we are home and she doesn't seem to notice that she is even showing me affection around my wife. My wife has not accused me of anything yet, but I feel it is coming. I had sex with my wife last night and I felt just awful. It was the first time in about 7 weeks we had been together. Afterwards, I couldn't help myself, I went to Farzineh and slept with her. It is madness. I know this is going to end badly and I don't know what to do.
I really think this could have been avoided if my wife would have just met my sexual needs. A man needs sex more than once every 2 months. I know this affair is not her fault, but she did contribute in a sense.
I don't know what to do next.
