THings have been terrible for 15 years, minimum. THe last time we had sex was aout 8 years ago, and that ws a major event, so it really ended for me by 40.The problem is my husband insisits that We will"renew our passion" and he loves me, desires me, etc.,etc. Its actually like he beleives it and I do him a kindness bc/c I do love him, he's an exceptionally bright and kind person, I have 3 grown children that are wtill single and around, and of course I have no idea at all what I would do at 55 on my own. I was the child rearer, housekeeper,etc. We have a "good" life. I adore my kids. I realized about 17 yrs ago that we didn't flirt, have intimate conversations, none of that. He would respond by pretending to be affectionate which to be honest was so yucky that I stopped bringing it up. It was like a 13 yr old gently kissing me with NO lust, no interest in any nether parts of my dody, NO heat,just yucky. SO then I wondered if he was a repressed homosexual. But then I thought even then, he'd want sex once a year. Then I thought he was asexual, which could be true. Heres the panic and my question. The other day when he was up at 5:30 (not unusual--we go to bed and wake up seperately--avoides intimacy), I checked his internet history. Well, he's into weird women beating men up--overdevloped muscular women, and there's not even sex, just punching, Numerous sites, visited numerous times. COnfronted him..got nothing, no surprise."It will never happen again,I want to have sex with you more than anything in the world, I'm so ashamed, etc.,etc. In other words, I should feel sorry for him. LEt me say he's snoring and I'm my only partner in bed. WHat the H does this weird preoccupation mean? I'm grossed out, and also afraid he's losing it, which I don't want my kids to have to witness.Help.