Just Ended My Sexless Marriage -four Hours Ago

 ....and very positively. To recap: Sexless for three years, wife has anorexic tendancies, Two kids (her's by another marriage), civil and caring, but an unloving relationship.

[On the eating problems, we saw a nutritionist yesterday and she got a healthy eating plan that she can live with. The nutritionist asked if she was under any particular stress, and we both just burst out laughing]

She confessed that she did not love me or feel sexual attraction and that she was staying in the marriage due to financial dependency, partic for her kids college tuitions. She felt that we had a good life and would mourn it's passing.

I said we needed more than a good life, that we needed a right life and that we'd have to pursue that separately. She agreed. I offered her a very generous settlement, she was grateful. 

I'll stick around for a while to give her some support and to help with some sick pet and house issues, but I'm gone soon -friendly and with love, but very, very gone.

More below about what I learned, because the fiendish EP server already ate this long post once already....

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30 Responses Aug 22, 2009

Here is one thing I want to point out. Sexless marriage will not have a good living standards, They have problems big time. I can relate this to my family, it has been a turning point for you in life. You just made the decision that former wife will regret. She was indeed being selfish, and worrying over money. I can say this. I worry over money daily, but my needs get met. I am one happy camper. :) . I can tell you that living in a miserable marriage will lead to one thing and so on. You have made the best choice a man can make. You had to leave her to get out. You did the right thing in life. But be there for the kids. They will look up to you as a model father figure. I hope and wish you well in life of happiness. take care. <br />
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Vegas,<br />
You have shown us all that it can be done with grace and compassion. Your honesty is always an inspiration to me.<br />
Best wishes for your new life.<br />

your decision is fair enough. Cheers to you!

How generous you are to think to your wife after her statement. Hope you will find somebody who will love you truly

I am in a sexless no intimacy marriage. Could handle it for a long time but now I am just craving intimacy. I don't know what to do, it is very complicated.

God bless you man it is one thing to say that she doesnt love you but for her to put you through that for years its bullshit the ******* **** woman get away with man thats wrong... god bless you man bless you..

Hey, VB, show Herman how much you need his help by deleting his spam!

Well done for you, a very wise decision.<br />
Herman <br />
my website: www.interpersonaltherapy.net

aww you sound like a very caring, considerate man and the fact that you offered her financial and moral support is amazing. <br />
I really hope you can find love again, or even just good sex again cuse it sounds like you more than deserve it! x

I read your story, starting something new is hard.. for you don't know what to expect... and letting go is hard as well.. for you have been there... done that.. tired and tired to make it work.... and nothing seems to be good enough.... lol So I wish you all the best of luck....hope you find what you are looking for! You sound like a great good man!

congrats on your new chance at happy life and i must say, u are a gentleman , not to mention kind and calm responce to such situation. well done, not many people would find it in their heart .

All the very best VB - i've not been on EP long either but thank you for your words of wisdom also, and wish that your future to be one u truly deserve. Well done!

thank God it ended friendly with a minimum of hurt. I wish you the best.

Hey, good luck man. Living together for all wrong reasons is not a way to go. I wish you all the best.

And so a strong man in the midst of a maelstrom, finds his bearings, plots his course and sets sail out into the open sea. <br />
<br />
I think you will find a wonderful co-captain to join you on your journey. Good luck

I was just about to congratulate you for getting laid until I read your post. These are difficult times and it sounds like you will survive intact... I wish you and your ex all the best in this new chapter of your lives. Hope the kids will be alright.

VB, one of the things I admire about you is that you don't mince words. You've set it out quite practically and gotten on with it. All the best with this next phase of your life and may you find joy.<br />
<br />
Be well.

Wow, amazing! Holy cow! You make it sound so easy!<br />
<br />
I am happy and jealous. You are now free to find the intimacy you need. Congratulations!! best of luck!

It's been a year since I left now, and my life has transformed. <br />
<br />
Proud of your generosity of spirit and grace.

I admire how you are handling this. I think you have shown much concern and care for your family, not just yourself. I expect you will do well. Thanks for setting such a great example of compassion and respect.

I wish you well, both of you.<br />
<br />
Relief can wash over you, your future path is clearing. All the sadnesses are turned to happyness along the way, so brave. I am humbled by your story.

Vegas, did you delete all your old stories, or is there a glitch at EP?<br />
<br />
I'm disappointed when I see history erased here because the journey holds value for others, long afterwards. I understand the desire to cut loose the baggage and start fresh, especially keeping the same EP profile, but it's still sad to see the content lost.<br />
<br />
Best wishes for your forward progress. I'm happy for you that it's going positively.

Just wanted to add my best wishes to you as you move forward to create a more fulfilling life. Thank you for sharing your experience and the lessons learned. There is wisdom in your words. Best of luck!

Big hug. Love you iea of "a right life." Bravo on ending your marriage in such a civil and gentlemanly manner.<br />
<br />
Thank you for your frendship, youf honesty, your ability to make me laugh when life is glum, and your astounding fearlessness in the face of daily chaos.<br />
<br />
You dang well better take that lap top to Thailand!<br />
<br />
When you begegin to date, remember to STAY AWAY FROM HOT HOUSE FLOWERS. ;- )<br />
<br />
May you find all the joy and happiness you so richly deserve!

I'm very happy for you that the talk went well. As the more independent partner, your generosity to her is admirable, and at least she had the grace to be grateful. <br />
<br />
Raising my glass of...Sobe...to your lightened step and your light-traveling future.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" A guru on ILIASM!!!! Well, they say life is full of the unexpected - and I doubt if you would have seen yourself in this role three moonths ago - and yet - here you are! <br />
<br />
And we are all very glad of it. "Brutal truths", as someone said, are your specialty - and that is a very good thing. You have a remarkable ability to cut to the truth of the matter without indulging in any b***s***.<br />
<br />
I'm so glad you'll be sticking around VB. And I'm also very glad to read that things went well with "the talk". Your generosity of spirit and of heart are clearly evident in your willingness to offer her support to get through the next little while.<br />
<br />
Now you can honestly focus on the next stage of your life. . . And I foresee a role for you as the "Roving International Ambassador" of ILIASM!<br />
<br />
On a serious note, {{{HUGS}}} my friend - you truly deserve them

I know that congratulations is not exactly the right word, but it is what comes to mind. I am happy to hear your story about a civil agreement. <br />
<br />
I think the panic and emotional road bumps are to be expected and it sounds like you are handling them just right. Great tip on the gratitude. There are times when I just feel like that sort of thing is insincere and I can't force myself to say it, but regardless of whether I am feeling it, I can see how it would be the best time to start faking it 'til I make it. Since it is your marriage we are talking about rather than mine, I can see how there is cause to be grateful to your spouse for the many wonderful things they gave you during your time together even if those things ultimately were not enough to keep you together. <br />
<br />
I wish you the best as you navigate these choppy waters and I look forward to more updates. You were spot on when you said that we only have us. It is nice to hear that you will be sticking around. And, keep your chin up even though it is hard. You are doing such a fantastic job of it already!

Glad to hear it... don't know what we'd do around here without the enna's, kung fu's, and the like of you... lol

Sorry VB, I'm not available. <br />
Your post made me cry. Not because I feel sad for the ending of your fine union. I'm happy for you that it's been more civil than crazy. I don't know. It's just sad.

So glad to hear that the "talk" you've been dreading went so well... and that the issues that have been on your mind are gradually settleing into place.<br />
<br />
As always your thoughts on your life and your situation are so helpful to me and mine, and I'm sure to many others here as well.<br />
<br />
Hope you will continue to come by to offer support and clear thinking, tho certainly understand you wanting to leave this part of your life behind should that be the case.<br />
<br />
Know you are appreciated in so many ways...<br />
<br />

I am so glad to hear that this hellish ordeal is starting to come to an end for you and that in the end you and your wife came to an agreement. . . . . . you can now pursue the happy life that most of us long for but are not yet ready to pursue ourselves for whatever reasons. Best of luck to you, and please keep us posted about your journey, as I know that you will be having some great adventures in the future! <br />
<br />
I second GaDad in saying that I hope you don't leave us here at EP! Your wise words and brutal truths have truly been a help to us all in seeing things as they really are and how we can better them. Thanks vegassbaby =)