Just Ended My Sexless Marriage -four Hours Ago

Vegas, I am very happy to hear that the parting is going to be done with care and concern on both sides. I wish you well on the new leg of your journey and may you and your wife and the children find all the happiness and peace you so rightly deserve.

Ps Don't you dare leave us here at EP ;-)

What I learned:

-Leaving is not one talk, but a bunch. After we hugged, I went out to a bar to clear my head. When I came back, she was panicking about the future and selling the house and what if X, Y, and Z happens? I listened to her and talked through everything with her. If indeed, Weimer-era inflation were to rage, Yes, I'd make an alimony adjustment. If the dog really did need a heart transplant, Yes, I'd try to help. Yes, I'd throw in a few bucks for the kids expensive textbooks. Yes, I'd clean out the attic. Yes to whatever she thinks up tomorrow. The more I say yes, the last she'll ask. I can't speak to every situation, but she's good that way.

-Leaving is a process that starts with telling the truth, even if it's just to yourself. The more you admit the reality of untenable situations, the more ready you will be to leave. You can't do it all at once, partic in a long term dysfunctional relationship. But over time, the truth will literally set you free. It can not help but do anything else.

-Leaving is a time to express gratitude, and not just for the supreme gift of leaving. But to the person who tried and tried in their own crazy way to love you. If they are not too toxically angry, saying thank you a lot really helps them -and probably you as well.

-Leaving is very hard to do alone (that truth thing? very, very hard by your lonesome). Being here, Pming people I respected, talking things through -helped me leave and helped me leave better.

Thank you.

I am so glad to hear that this hellish ordeal is starting to come to an end for you and that in the end you and your wife came to an agreement. . . . . . you can now pursue the happy life that most of us long for but are not yet ready to pursue ourselves for whatever reasons. Best of luck to you, and please keep us posted about your journey, as I know that you will be having some great adventures in the future!

I second GaDad in saying that I hope you don't leave us here at EP! Your wise words and brutal truths have truly been a help to us all in seeing things as they really are and how we can better them. Thanks vegassbaby =)

So glad to hear that the "talk" you've been dreading went so well... and that the issues that have been on your mind are gradually settleing into place.

As always your thoughts on your life and your situation are so helpful to me and mine, and I'm sure to many others here as well.

Hope you will continue to come by to offer support and clear thinking, tho certainly understand you wanting to leave this part of your life behind should that be the case.

Know you are appreciated in so many ways...

FOP

Sorry VB, I'm not available.
Your post made me cry. Not because I feel sad for the ending of your fine union. I'm happy for you that it's been more civil than crazy. I don't know. It's just sad.

Glad to hear it... don't know what we'd do around here without the enna's, kung fu's, and the like of you... lol

I know that congratulations is not exactly the right word, but it is what comes to mind. I am happy to hear your story about a civil agreement.

I think the panic and emotional road bumps are to be expected and it sounds like you are handling them just right. Great tip on the gratitude. There are times when I just feel like that sort of thing is insincere and I can't force myself to say it, but regardless of whether I am feeling it, I can see how it would be the best time to start faking it 'til I make it. Since it is your marriage we are talking about rather than mine, I can see how there is cause to be grateful to your spouse for the many wonderful things they gave you during your time together even if those things ultimately were not enough to keep you together.

I wish you the best as you navigate these choppy waters and I look forward to more updates. You were spot on when you said that we only have us. It is nice to hear that you will be sticking around. And, keep your chin up even though it is hard. You are doing such a fantastic job of it already!

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" A guru on ILIASM!!!! Well, they say life is full of the unexpected - and I doubt if you would have seen yourself in this role three moonths ago - and yet - here you are!

And we are all very glad of it. "Brutal truths", as someone said, are your specialty - and that is a very good thing. You have a remarkable ability to cut to the truth of the matter without indulging in any b***s***.

I'm so glad you'll be sticking around VB. And I'm also very glad to read that things went well with "the talk". Your generosity of spirit and of heart are clearly evident in your willingness to offer her support to get through the next little while.

Now you can honestly focus on the next stage of your life. . . And I foresee a role for you as the "Roving International Ambassador" of ILIASM!

On a serious note, {{{HUGS}}} my friend - you truly deserve them

I'm very happy for you that the talk went well. As the more independent partner, your generosity to her is admirable, and at least she had the grace to be grateful.

Raising my glass of...Sobe...to your lightened step and your light-traveling future.

Big hug. Love you iea of "a right life." Bravo on ending your marriage in such a civil and gentlemanly manner.

Thank you for your frendship, youf honesty, your ability to make me laugh when life is glum, and your astounding fearlessness in the face of daily chaos.

You dang well better take that lap top to Thailand!

When you begegin to date, remember to STAY AWAY FROM HOT HOUSE FLOWERS. ;- )

May you find all the joy and happiness you so richly deserve!