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Illness and Sexless

I live in a sexless marriage due to prostrate cancer.  We went from once a week to none for the past 3 years.  We no longer share the same bedroom.  I miss it, I want it, he wants it and has said that he misses it.  Separation, divorce or infidelity are  not an option.  I'm angry at the world all of the time.  I deserve more, I want more.....oh well.....life's a ***** and then you die!!!!!

shanliv shanliv 56-60, F 7 Responses Oct 1, 2009

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My husband was sick with cancer and has been cured for 3 years, since then he has erectile problems due to chemotherapy and his drive for sex is completly gone. We have sex about three times a year!! We are both in our early 30's. He is not sick anymore, and doesn't seem to care that I'm not sexually happy. I love him, but he isnt the most nicest guy in the world. He just seems so carefree about our sex life problems. I don't want a divorce, but I want to be happy again. What to do!! He doesnt even talk to his doctor to try and help the situation.

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Intimacy is something that goes beyond sex. There is love making that never even reaches the put it in/out stage. Many here have posted some other options for being satisfied and gratified. In my opinion, you guys need to reconnect. Start holding each other again, sleeping together. He isn't dead, he had prostate cancer. His **** may not work, but his heart is still beating. Seek some counseling to get you guys on the right track.

Some good suggestions have been offered. Get rid of the anger and talk to your husband about some options. The two of you have probably been through hell dealing with the cancer... but he is still with you! You can still have love, intimacy, and sex (if you try some of the suggestions the others offered).

There is intimacy that can be shared between you if you still feel you want it. You just need to explore different avenues...

Sex can be done without a working penis... there are mouths and fingers... there is more than the missionary position... things can be done... massages given, breasts sucked...showers shared... oral sex ... if you want to share physical affection then there are many ways to do so... <br />
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I just don't buy this as the whole story.

You say that seperation, divorce, and infidelity are not an option. There is a legitimate medical reason involved here and if your husband were to support it whats wrong with a friend with benefits?