My Wife Just Isn't Interested Anymore

I'm 34 and in good shape and I have a very strong sex drive.  While it seems like my marraige is doing ok in other respects, my wife just isnt interested.  Its hard for me to come onto her when she isnt interested and will just reject my advances.  I just want lots of affection and Im not getting it.

DeepRain DeepRain
31-35, M
10 Responses Oct 21, 2009

Hi Deep rain
I am on the other side I want sex but my husband is to tired all the time, maybe you need to whoo her into the mood, i know it be out of date methods but the odd bunch of flowers or just doing something that she has wanted done for sometime, it's about showing you care how she matters, it's hard to say when i dont know what you so already, but what i can say from a womens side it is the small things that talk tall, cheers tru, in aus

The operative word is "wife" which implies a vow was taken. Both players on the team have to step up to the plate or the game's gonna end quickly. We knew each other when we were young and "time" only makes people forget when they're too lazy to care. Review the "love list" you made back in the day. If it no longer applies......make a change....."honey we need to compromise"........that's a free pass!

My wife started losing interest in sex, She said it caused her pain. I'm not interested in giving pain, so I decided to give the situation some time to heal. This involuntary celebation was frustrating, but not as frustrating as striking out every night. She told me she appreciated my patience. <br />
<br />
In time her problems worsened and she finally decided to get checked out. <br />
<br />
It turned out to be cancer! <br />
<br />
I'd rule out the possibility that her lack of desire is not of her choosing before I jumped to any hasty conclusions.<br />
<br />
P.S. I was glad that I could be there to help her through her treatments and I will look forward to more passionate times in the future!

Beware - during my first marriage my wife said that she had no interest in sex and as it turned out, the reason she had no interest is that she was getting it elsewhere. I didin't find out until after we got divorced and it was a hard pill to swallow. Being the fact that she was my wife, I completely trusted her and felt like such a fool for being deceived.

Next time make "a love list"......check it twice.......and BELIEVE it! If you've concerns.....don't BS'll get ugly when ya get older.......and it's gonna be all your fault!

I agree with enna30...there could be something medical (like depression) going on, or something psychological, like maybe she was sexually abused as a child and just now remembering. I think you try counseling first. If she flat out refuses, then maybe you need to ask her if she loves you or if its time to move on. <br />
I went 2 and half years sexless, and then all of a sudden we are having sex again. I can't imagine going 20 or more years. I do believe there is more to a relationship than sex, but intimacy IS important in a relationship.<br />
My heart goes out to you hunny!

Wake up! Something's gonna change when there's no more hsppiness. Both people who enter a marriage relationship have to keep their promise to do their part "til death do us part". If it ain't a marriage ain't a contract. The only thing you can control is your part.....and that's only half of the equation.

I don't agree with AC. Your wife might very well love you deply. I know for a fact that my husband loves me deeply.<br />
<br />
Some people are just not interested in sex as the rest of us are. And there could be many OTHER reasons why your wife is not interested in sex with you - and that does not necessarily mean she does not love you.

So if one person has more "sexual needs" than the other......either somebody's likely to fill the void or we gotta review the "vows".

DeepRain, <br />
Welcome to our miserable club and sorry you have to join us. Read our stories and share your thoughts. <br />
<br />
If you do not have any kids, leave. If you stay, chances are that it will only get worse and sexlessness will drive you mad. Your wife is already mad. <br />
<br />
By the way, if you are wondering why your wife refuses sex, the answer is simple: she does not love you.

Well....infatuation that she had didn't translate into "love". Can't lose what ya didn't have. Is anyone surprised why marriages fail more than they succeed? The world of "me" doesn't keep "me" trying to "impress you til death do us part".

well let me tell ya,, i have had no sex for 20 years,, there is absolutely no joy or happiness in my life,, i am well off materially , i cannot find a woman the least bit attracted to me,, i am attractive, no fatty,, fit, and yet there is no reason to go on,, **** it all **** her,

How long have you been married and have you spoken to your wife as to why she is not being affectionate to you? While you say, it 'seems' your relationship is doing OK in other respects, is it honestly? I ask that because I could say the same about my own relationship but if i'm honest it's not OK in other aspects at all.

I found this a long time ago it might help. <br />