Husband Makes Me Feel Unwanted!

You certainly sound disheartened - and for very good reason. Do you know what has caused your husband to become distant? And are you finding counselling of any use? From your post it sounds as if he is only going through the motions . . . which is unlikely to see a really worthwhile result.

But do not discount the value of counselling just for yourself. It may not save your marriage, but it may well be helpful in working out which way forward you wish to take yourself.

Every best wish for a better future.

What you ask ,for a man to be attentive to his wife, is not unreasonable.

I agree with Enna on the value of conselling for your own self esteem, self worth and where you may be headed in the future

You may have rebounded too quickly into the next marriage. However BOTH of you have agreed to go to counseling on this. It's not the counselor who will make the possibilities, it's the two of you. Before you fall into complete despair give this some time... and effort.

When you talk to your husband about this don't complain or be whiney about it, he'll just find that irritating. Talk frankly and calmly. You can express your emotional feelings but don't "use" them to try to change things or make him feel guilty.

The best way to find the decision you are looking for is to be honest.

Bab,
In what manner does your husband refuse sex? Describe what he does when you initiate.

Friend,ask yourself,why you had to leave the first two husbands?Were they uncaring or unattentive? Well ,is sex everything in life? I m not saying it for hurting you.But ask yourself,arent you too demanding? Some times people cant meet too much demands.If you show same kind of care and attention,you will get it back.You should communicate with your partner,what you want and also try to know what he want.Without knowing each others needs,how will things get alright.Its easy to divorce than being patient and try to find the root cause of incompatibility.This time dont run after divorce,for god's sake.Just talk with your husband and slowly get things into normality.You cant force anything,be it sex or love,it should come from within.No body get away from sex without any reason.You find out if your husband is going through some stress or trouble.Help him out.You yourself can spring in the romance in your family life,you take the initiative.Counselling wont work if you both dont act to get things done.

If your sex life needs a boost talk to your hubby about spicing it up a bit. We had got in a rut and one evening I brought it up to him. He agreed and wanted to let me know he was on board with whatever I wanted to do. So I sprung it on him I wanted to sometimes have sex with other guys. And, I wanted him to see me do it. I told him it had always been a fantasy of mine and he said he would think on it. He did not get mad or anything like that. The next day he called me at work and said to go for it and ask if I had anybody in mind. I said no, but might start looking. He even said he would help out. As a result of all this and I will tell you the rest if you want to know. We have a great sex life now. It has totally changed us as a couple. We are happier than ever now. What a change in a tired married couple. We both feel like we're 18 again. Let me know what you think and feel free to email me and we can chat anytime you like. Angela

I would definitely check out individual counseling for yourself. Once you get your self-esteem up then you can work on the marriage. I believe that when we feel really crappy about ourselves then we let people treat us like sh*t.

Bab: Sometimes the contracts are just over with. How many times you have been married is not the issue here, nor should anyone judge you for it, I don't care if you have been married 10 times, it has nothing to do with what you are experiencing now.

Really sounds to me like he is just going through the motions also.

Keep reading around here and please vent all you want, there are plenty here that have been there done that, bought a couple of tee shirts...lol.

Good luck to you!

sex is not everything. only a motion if there is no emotional connection. so what if a couple does it twice a week? it can be an agony..

take time to get to know yourself, through self-examination, reading about people and relate, counselling etc

only when you truly know yourself that you are able to work on improving the weak areas.

it is a long process, but it can be done. decide and then... take the first step...

wishing you well.