Menopause And The Husband
My problem is a little different from most of what I have seen here, but I need a place to talk and this seems as close as I may get.
My wife and I are in our early fifties and have been married just over four years. This is a second marriage for both of us. While we were dating and in the early part of the marriage, the sex was great. For the last 2-3 years, my wife has been going through menopause and as a result her sex drive is essentially non-existent except for occasional (once every few months) returns for a day. I know that this is a common response to this phase of life, but I am having a very hard time dealing with the absence of a sex life.This is especially true since I still find her very desirable (she doesn't think she is pretty anymore) and it is hard to share a bed with a woman that you love and find desirable, but who doesn't want you to touch her.
She says that she still loves me and that is just a hormonal thing that she cannot control. If that is true, I know that I should be patient and supportive, but what about my needs for affection and love? Yes, I am a man and in this culture that means I am the bad guy in any relationship issue, but is that really true and is it really fair?
At this point, I am getting increasingly depressed about living a sexless life till I die. I am an affectionate person by nature and it is hard to have to deny that part of me. It also doesn't help that my first wife lost interest in sex with me for that last half of that marriage. She was fooling around on the side and decided she had to divorce me because I am not as well endowed as she wanted. This is a different relationship and it is not fair to a bring that baggage into it, but I can't help wondering when I am down if something similar is happening again.
I don't know what to do. I am wondering if I should sleep in the guest room so that I don't have to be constantly reminded of what I can no longer have. I think about divorce, but that feels wrong and would be financially devastating. My wife once told me I should just have an affair to deal with my needs. I am not sure she really had thought through how she would feel about that. I was incredibly hurt that I mean so little to her that she wouldn't mind having me leave. For myself, I don't think an affair is an option since I get too emotionally involved with women that I am sexual with. I know that I need to do something since my depression over this is starting to poison the rest of our relationship and adversely effect my work.
Sorry for the ramble and thanks for listening.