No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I learn to laugh more about my situation. Here's the post....

"I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either. "

CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius
36-40, M
283 Responses Dec 20, 2009

Exactly !!!!!!!!πŸ’₯πŸ’«πŸŒŸπŸŽ‰πŸŽ―β‡

lol.... what a great

Who ever did that was the master of revenge,ther is a god and he is man

Totally brilliant !

Thanks for the laugh!!

Omgosh that is funny stuff right there!!! Thanks for sharing!!!


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I couldn't stop laughing. Thanks for sharing

Love it!

omg!!!!That was hilarious and so fitting.....Thank you for the laugh

rotflmao. thanks for that one

And...who wins?

Doesn't matter, neither one is getting lucky any time soon.

Not a matter of 'winning' but making a point and in that 'battle' he won... big. I'm still laughing.

You might win a few battles, but you'll lose in the end.

Actually I didn't... she divorced me. ... and my life has been much less stressful!

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That's hilarious. And I feel for every man who has to deal with that. I'm the one with a savings account and the only one interested in intimacy. In some ways I think it's even more humiliating to be a woman in this situation. At least society expects men to be in this position. But... I laughed at this. I find humor VERY healing as well. :-)


Even as a woman I find this absolutely hilarious. Good job!

Amazingly Amazing....LOL!!!!!!!!!!! Amazing! I mean truly amazing. Love It!

that is the best thing i have ever read, yo are a very brave man for doing that but i understand why you done it its complete female double standards, you are a braver man than me.

This is a classic!

Priceless! That has got to be filed away for future use!


Love it! So true!

Too funny!

sex is overrated...

If you really feel that way, this isn't the place for you.

nice! well put



This is fantastic, at times they needed to be treated that way.

To buy things it means to have the power.In the past men use to hunt not to "buy".Money have made the males so LAZY! The same goes with animals.Only the alpha male will have sex.

and who is this alpha male, because I don't know anyone who is getting any! Just saying?

Apparently not.

I wish I could do this

AWESOME! Plus the MST3K ref!


Fantastic.... LMAO...

LOL Good for a deep laugh! I have read this before, but still a great one to post. I am afraid my wife would pull out her gun and shoot me at this point.
My wife has actually done this to me. We were getting it on pretty good, and I had gotten her naked. As I stood up to remove my shorts, she tells me "don't you have some bills to pay or something, my Tv show is about to start! " I almost threw the damn Tv in the trash. Sheesh!
And yes we have a tivo, so she could have recorded it. I took the hint!

I've seen this old joke before. ZZZZZzzzzzz.

Omg, that is classic.... I can see it on the reverse as well for a husband that doesn't fell like it often. Just hand him his dinner, tell him to hold it and not eat it. "Can't you just love me for me and not what I can do for you in the kitchen, hehe"

Love it!!

Priceless. I'm going to have to steal this!


That IS awesome... I had read that somewhere before too, and it's great that you posted it here. This is a story that everyone here needs to read. Good laugh for me again. Too bad my W isn't a big shopper or I'd have more leverage doing this. :-(


really good!!!! made me laugh

omg!! tht is jus wrong lol

Thanks for Sharing, good stuff!!

Lol, it made my weekend!!! Thanks a lot we need more men like him, this guy deserve a medal

I needed a laugh made me smile. That is just toooo funny!

I laughed SO hard at this. HILARIOUS!!!

Pure genious. A taste of her own $#!+-flavored medicine


LMAO! Brilliant! I'm going to use this on my Nun (wife).


Lol, excellent :-)

oh my gosh , lmfao! That's great!

Great story! I feel better already!

That's ******* hilarious lol but in my situation as a female my sexual urges get dampened


Freaking Awesome..

this is hilarious

I am gonna switch the genders in this story and share it with my husband...or not. lol!

Lmao **** that was funny

awesome story, made me laugh.

An eye for eye...a tooth for a tooth, a roland for ab oliver...

I gotta try this next time I'm refused... Won't have to wait


OMG! That was mean, but very effective I'm sure.

Great laugh for the day. Thanks.

Heard that one years ago. Still funny.

I like it. How did she respond the next time you tried to have sex with her.

perfect, I wish I had the balls to do something like that
but if I did have the balls, I sure wouldn't after lol

HAHAHA....Thanks man, I appreciate the hell out of this!!! lol

That's hilarious!

that was awesome, and helpful, i'm sending it to my husband

Oh my goodness this is hilarious! I wonder if this is why my hubby asked me just the other day what I wanted to buy! Said he would take me where ever I wanted to go and buy me anything, didn't matter how much it was. Imagine his surprise when I said I couldn't think of anything I really wanted. Lol.


Isn't justice sweet, the *****!

Wonderfully funny.


this is just the best

That is what I call sarcasm!

Love that one... hahahaha I feel sorry for my fiancΓ©e. He just can't keep up.

Great, so true

That's a funny story, but the guy in it is a complete ***.

LMAO oh my gosh! you did it!

ha ha ha really funny


Got damn that was good lol

LOL . I think u should buy a good sofa for ur self ... :-)

Yes it's funny...
but for the sake of debate (and I'm not much of a shopper), if he had met her needs (emotional vs. financial) that day, how appreciative might she have been? I was never more "in the mood" than when he showed little acts of kindness and understanding, like helping me clean up after dinner.

LMAO....dude you really set her straight good job

love it.

ROFL.....Oh my, that was so funny!