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No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I learn to laugh more about my situation. Here's the post....

"I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either. "

CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 295 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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Perfect... The selfish cow got what she deserved.

Thanks for posting.

Great store!!!!!!!

I hope this is not a real story or that anyone thinks the guys response would be appropriate in real life.<br />
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Life is too short to be wasting your time with women like that and playing revenge games. The appropriate response is for the guy to run for the hills and not look back. It sounds like she is not into the guy that much anymore – or never was. A better more honest response from the guy would be to politely exit the relationship as soon as possible. Maybe something like one of these phrases: “It's been nice knowing you. We have had some great times together. If that's how you feel about me, it's time for me to move on.” Then after she leaves, the guy should find someone he is more compatible with or call his other girlfriend and let her know he is available now.<br />
<br />
A side note... if a partner is having emotional problems, or unmet emotional needs, it's not the other partners responsibility to figure it out for them. Helping is ok, but expectations of mind reading is not ok. Also, emotional abuse (what the woman is doing to the guy in this story) is not acceptable behavior.

Well stated! Here, here!

I am a woman but there must be something wrong with me - You probably could have had me when the passion started heating up ( if you are a good kisser) and I would have bought you the tennis bracelet. Then again it has been a long, long, long, long, long time.

For what it's worth to you, there is nothing wrong with you, kimberley... unless you consider being real something wrong. I wish more women were like you.

This is great!! As a woman I find this hilariously true at times. Thanks for sharing.

:D

I loved this so much, I'm borrowing it for my blog. Great little funny!

Absolutely great! lol

LOL!!! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!! Thanks for sharing!!

See, you are the kind of guy that educate women on how to treat a man. Keep up the good work!!!

I didn't see that coming! It sounds as though if she had been a guy she would've prematurely **********!

funny... this isn't even the shopping or gender thing. It applies to any activity your spouse expects you to engage in wholeheartedly to fulfill THEM, but thinks they don't have to do the same for you!<br />
Great stuff:)

....and copy...and paste. GOD THIS IS SO FUNNY!

Great story LOL ")

seen this one before but it is still funny as hell! Explains a lot about men and woman!

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is so great !!!

no sex for the week! Hahaha!

Absolutely hilarious in so many ways. It really hits the nail on the head for the human condition as a whole and speaks to the pain both men and women have in dealing with their sexual frustrations. That narrative juiced me for the day.

This was funny and witty at the same time HILARIOUS. :)

no offense but thats notmarriage, thats prostitution.

Thank you sooo much<br />
My one and only real crack up of the day. Pretty pretty clever

this is very funny, even though I heard it several years ago. I showed it to my wife and she did not think it was funny at all?? This may explain my membership in the ILISM group.

And what should I do to punish my hubs for not wanting to have sex with me? Cook a nice meal and tell him "If you don't eat me out you get nothing to eat!" ?<br />
Sorry, but this sounds shallow. Joke or not.

Hahaha. I actually saw that on best of CL as well. Pretty funny.

And you are still alive WOW

Thank you soooo very much...I am having a horrible night, and I needed a smile.

funny.sad.true.

hahahaaa,,,so funny!!!!