No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I learn to laugh more about my situation. Here's the post....

"I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either. "

CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius
36-40, M
283 Responses Dec 20, 2009


I loved this so much, I'm borrowing it for my blog. Great little funny!

Absolutely great! lol

LOL!!! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!! Thanks for sharing!!

I didn't see that coming! It sounds as though if she had been a guy she would've prematurely **********!

funny... this isn't even the shopping or gender thing. It applies to any activity your spouse expects you to engage in wholeheartedly to fulfill THEM, but thinks they don't have to do the same for you!<br />
Great stuff:)

....and copy...and paste. GOD THIS IS SO FUNNY!

Great story LOL ")

seen this one before but it is still funny as hell! Explains a lot about men and woman!


no sex for the week! Hahaha!

Absolutely hilarious in so many ways. It really hits the nail on the head for the human condition as a whole and speaks to the pain both men and women have in dealing with their sexual frustrations. That narrative juiced me for the day.

This was funny and witty at the same time HILARIOUS. :)

no offense but thats notmarriage, thats prostitution.

Thank you sooo much<br />
My one and only real crack up of the day. Pretty pretty clever

this is very funny, even though I heard it several years ago. I showed it to my wife and she did not think it was funny at all?? This may explain my membership in the ILISM group.

And what should I do to punish my hubs for not wanting to have sex with me? Cook a nice meal and tell him "If you don't eat me out you get nothing to eat!" ?<br />
Sorry, but this sounds shallow. Joke or not.

Hahaha. I actually saw that on best of CL as well. Pretty funny.

And you are still alive WOW

Thank you soooo very much...I am having a horrible night, and I needed a smile.


hahahaaa,,,so funny!!!!

Thank you so much for sharing this. I've been so pained tonight, I really needed that laugh. Thank you! (female here and serves her right!)

Now I am really amused. Not by the story, I heard this one before, but the amount of comments praising it. In order to be funny, the story says: if as a woman you want to be taken care of by your man, show your best in the bed. And that is it. I am really amused how many women praised this as a good joke!! Hilarious!!! It seems there is still a huge market for GOF Manly Men, who are having trouble telling their gf/wife from a prostitute. Hooorray! Life is simple, why make it any more complex? Rock on!

That is hysterical...<br />
and <br />
oh<br />
so<br />


Hahaha..This so hilarious!<br />
Revenge couldnt be any sweeter...

BAHAHAHAHAH so bloody true its not funny!!!!!! I like this.... women hold men to ransom for sex so they give in to almost anything, ALMOST! I LOVE this post soooo much and i hope all the biatches out there with holding sex read this too.... serves them right for being manipulative and controlling of a mans weak spot! My philosophy?! feed him, hold him, f.u.c.k him and listen to him.... youll be the happiest woman alive if you can sanely manage all four!

This is why I don't let a **** that's not gay or related to me pay for me.

lol, what a ***** and i think they deserve each other. Also, you reap what you sow. My husband and i are best friends 1st husband and wife 2nd. So, i cant fully understand why some women intentionally withhold sex like its somehow going to help dumb ones get any smarter.


Great story she deserved that big time!

Tooo good. This is amazing. Awesome. She deserved it. Wish I could do that to my wife too. LMFAO!. I wish I was there to look at her. You are awesome.

Brilliant... Just brilliant...

Hahaha..LOL...that is really a funny thing!!! I must admit, you made me laugh...haven't done that for quite sometime...thanks for making this available for anybody to read.

That's pretty good :) nice share.

Well, that'll definitely not win you any points for sex. Lol. <br />
<br />
So, are you still together?

LOL thanks!! Xxx

That's funny

I have seen this before, but I still find OT funny :-)

That was funny. thanks for sharing.

This is ineeded funny and a lesson to the ladies too

I don't care who you are, that's funny ****

lol,funny<br />
is she still with u man?

Made me day ! thanks.

This is totally true and oh so very funny.

Good one

HAHAHAHA!!! It baffles Me why soooo many men and women stay in an unfulfilled marriage. But it definitely keeps Me busy....there's an opportunity in every diversity ;)

this is awesome!!! lol

U don't do that to a woman. I refuse. If it was me! I was goin to die.

This is hysterical, and she deserved it. Though, honestly, I still dont understand what this whole 'guys want sex more than girls do' thing is - I've never met or dated a guy that wanted to have sex more often than me.. and that includes marriages (im on my second). Same goes for most of my female friends, we're all trying to find out where all these highly sexual guys are hiding! I like Happymum1313's attitude, but I'd say I'll hold him and feed him and listen to him IF he f.u.c.k.s. ME, lol

Nice Craigslist. JaceHailey, I'm shocked to know you exist. I feel exactly the same way that you do, except reversed in that I'm a guy. I think, though, that you really are more rare than you understand - as are your friends. Perhaps passionate minds flock together?

Most of the guys I know are dealing with low-sex relationships because the women aren't interested, usually this happens after the ring goes on the finger. Now that they're in, they don't have to put on a show anymore. Whoever you are married to is damned lucky. That's the problem, I suspect the few women who are sexually interested are already taken.

wow where were you years back ;) hehe

oops that post was for JaceHailey the gal who posted that before you.

I feel like my libido is that of a 16 year old (virgin)

1 More Response

:D :D :D ....wouldnt work though, coz we guys are idiots!!


Go man truckee!
That's the best one I've heard in ages.

That's great!!...literally made me lol..something I don't do nearly enuf it seems & need to wayyy more often...thanks for sharing!!

Classic.......I would have loved to see the look on her face!!!

Super funny! Forwarding to my brother in law...

oh my gosh, fantastic!

that my friend made me smile. What really amazing is that it didnt cost you anything.. meaning if you had bought her all those things you probably still wouldnt have gotten laid.

That's histerical!

Brilliant!!! Absolutely brilliant!!!

Thank you for making me laugh. But I'm still sad, because although funny, the story shows how far apart they are in making each other happy. I am not aware of answers that will truly fix the situation at its core. The only saving grace is that we are all in the same boat, and and there is no magical answer. So you keep living best you can, then you die. That's it.

As a laughed at the terrific story I began to realize this is really a sad commentary on what women really are. To them relationships/marriage is a way to get what they want...not a commitment to a man, family and MUTUAL happiness. They don't seem to realize they have to (or should want to) do some giving to. Our society has shrunk to the depths of laughing at this horrible reality. We let women get away with bullshit like this!!

Ignorance and bigotry hmmm? I think you have just let your ignorance show through since you seem to be one of those who want to let women get away with acting like children. You are the bigot pal! Why don't you post your bullshit somewhere else!

Not all women are greedy,etc.!! I'm not..........

That's the way I like it uh huh!

*** for tat...won't get you "that".

Well maybe longer then that

U r a nice guy she has problems

Tickled my funny bones...thanks

i think when she refuses to make love with you or in your term having sex that she probably does not love you anymore, DoNotBother anymore

Good one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought it was funny...........lighten the F up peepz.

hahaha, one of the funnier ones I have read in a while. they have some good stuff there...

funny how no woman has responded to this yet!! Classic, thanks for the laugh

I'm a woman who finds this funny too....Pity the subject matter in such a common,serious issue in relationships...Don't be so quick to laugh this subject off...It's common for those who were the ones denied sex by there partners in the early days , to become the ones who deny their partners sex later on ....when age catches up with you and you are no longer the virile man you use to be! Don't assume it could never be you who is not interested in sex anymore....

I, too, am a woman, and found this hilarious! I am also the one who has been denied sex, by my husband, so it's not always the men in this position!

Both genders seem to be well represented in this position.

So funny

So funny!!!

LOL That is just to funny and serves her right. One small gift and your spending the day with her should have been more than enough. If I'm feeling neglected I just want time together a nice walk holding hands talking dinner is nice too, then home for a little wine and a lot of kissing and touching. Gee I feel cheap now ;)

oh my god how funny! laughing out loud to myself :)

This is the wife, I think it was totally awesome!!!!!!!!!!! I bet she will think twice about doing that again... I think she got what she deserved... If you start something or let it get started then you need to finish it......

That was an a great story, I am also in a sexless marriage, love my wife and she says she loves me. For me cheating not an option. Probably been about 5 months since we made love. Even kissing is very scarce (in case i get ideas )

2frustrated, I think that happens to us all. Nothing which might lead to intimacy is eventually allowed to happen.

hilarious !! love it

HAAAA! That is genius! I love it! I have told my wife, sex is not just a physical act, it is the manifestation of the couples love for one another and it is a deep, intimate expression of that love. And if sex is continually denied, that bond and love is undermined!

I'm a woman and found this funny! I am in a sexless marriage due to the fact that my husband has attachment is too easy to be filled with bitterness and resentment....posts like this to help people like me to learn how to live life and live it free from these emotions are invaluable. Thank you for sharing and helping me to laugh in the face of a crap situation.

Menopause would not have been been quite so sexless, if I had not tired of taking the initiative. The rare sexual moment is far more spontaneous than it has ever been, and that is a good thing. We like each other, a lot. I love her company, her intelligence, her humor, her strength of character, her devotion to me...and it is mutual. It helps.

Attachment disordered partners can be pretty manipulative and ungrateful. Find an ADD guy like me. I am told we are a new and exciting experience every minute. Just don't expect us to remember to take out the garbage, or even get as far as the door if we start.

I think this is a good starting point for a really important discussion...and beginning with humor. I am emailing this to my wife. She'll enjoy it.

We don't have this problem. She has had a serious reduction in libido post menopause, but she really never asks for anything. She is not a shopper and has very simple taste so it wouldn't work for me.

Besides, my libido isn't what it used to be, thank God. I can actually think of something besides sex. Nice to have a piece of my brain back. Regardless, I haven't lost my pillow skills. I know all of her switches and their proper sequences. While I respect her and will take no as an answer, she really can't say no to me if I decide to turn on the charm. She loves me, she can't not respond if I love her back.

I appreciated the post. It gave levity to crappy situations many of us are living with.

lol jolly good one

I guess not.

Iagree with wds.

O my my We hate it when you use stuff we use against you...But it is very funny and to the point,now she knows how you feelé