Confused

I would just ask your wife for a three way with her male carpooler. Maybe you will get it way more than you want!

Hello there everyone, I must say me and my wife finally had sex after a long 3 months and it was GREAT. I wasn't expecting it and it just happened.

That's a good question if I think my wife would cheat Paticia7777. I think it is possible for anyone to cheat. Where there is a will there is a way. I don't want to believe she is cheating and I have no proof she is cheating. For the most part, she goes to work and comes home after that. Now, can she leave work and cheat-very possible. The only thing she does is bowl in bowling league every Wed night. Our problems really started this past July w/my insecurites mostly in my professional career, but it wasn't until after 9/15/09 when I accused her of cheating and had no evidence. That is when the daily fighting escalated and the last time we had sex was on 9/12/09. She has told me repeatedly that all the fighting and false accusations have made her not want to have sex w/me. I can see her point and have been told by my female friends when a woman is not happy then she is not going to want to have sex. I still believe there is hope for us, but I know it takes two to make it work. I failed to mention this earlier that my wife also has told me that she has yet to forgive me about when we first started dating that I was text messaging girls I still dated. She told me she swept it under the carpet, but since we've been fighting, she realized that she had not forgiven me and indicated that she is upset w/herself for that. She still hasn't fogiven me. I told her I was sorry and even changed my cell no. then. Don't get me wrong, she called me out on my issues in which at the time was hard for me to accept. However, I don't take the blame for everything that has occurred the last several months. Will we have sex again? We've both talked about it and said we need to get through these issues first. She has been a bit more affectionate, but she has told me as of recently she know that I want sex and has told me several times she is not cheating or having sex w/anyone-even emotionally attached to anyone. She's said she is depressed from all the fighting. I would have to be honest to say the past 3 weeks have been the best since mid September of this year. I know that I will recieve lots of advise and I appreciate it as well-some I like to hear and others well are not so encouraging. Like I said, I realize what I need to do and am working on it daily-that's all I can do. As for marriage, I realize it is work. I've asked my wife if she wants a divorce and she says "no" and that I'm the one that brings it up not her. Even if things do not work out, I will take this as a learning lesson in life and marriage. I also feel that if I don't try then I may wonder later what would've happened if I did try or if we both did.

well i dont know how you feel but i will say this. my mom and dad have been married 30 yrs....5 yrs ago she left to iraq for work. she comes back every couple of months for 10 days.my father and her arent so great right now she doesnt call home she doesnt email him if she does its a couple of sentences.he brings this to her attention but her response is all you want to do is fight. everytime she comes home her and my father arent intimate my dad and i are close he tells me everything, she tells him its that time of the month but come one what a coincidence every single time she comes. i believe she doesnt want to be intimate with him because she is seeing someone else, i know men can tell when their wife is sleeping around.i think she just makes him feel like crap like its his fault and all he wants to do is fight so he wont tell her anything, which is exactly what he does now....nothing...he doesnt tell her anything,,,he just sits back and takes it.....what a ***** i wish she would give him closure i mean **** if she has someone else let the man go so he can meet someone else. im gonna make him a profile on eharmony or something i feel so bad for him because he doesnt want to let her go......



do u think ur wife would cheat???



i hope things work out for you

the key here is that you work through your self esteem issues and figure out what is causing it ( them). If you don't, and I can guarantee it will re-surface since it is a problem that tends to fester silently unless wholeheartedly attended to, the next time it rears its ugly head, it will be twice as bad or possibly worse. Even though time may pass between your currently situation and the next, the volatility of your wife's memories of your past jealous reactions are still present and all it will take is a spark.

Have you thought that maybe she wants/ needs sex with you to help make up and start the healing process? ALSO, women need sex too. It's as important to them as it is for us; for the same reasons and many other varied reasons that make them feel wanted and desired. I would suggest, again, that you read through many of the discussions that are posted here on this board ( I highly recommend Friend of a Promise's more recently post: I think in October-ish - Very candid ).

Find some activity that will help boast your sense of self-worth: join a gym, ride a bike, volunteer work, etc.... get to the root of it and fix it or it will diminish the quality of your life and the lives of those around you. Later CC

Thanks for the advise SWTCHKS. I appreciate your input from a woman's perspective. The jealousy has been something I've worked on. The way I look at things now is that she is w/me and comes home to me everyday. I've realized, I'm not going to accuse her of cheating because for one I have no evidence at all and have tried to find things, but have been unsuccesfful. I got advise from a good friend not too long ago and he told me that I just got to trust her and if she is doing something then it is on her and the truth will always come out whether it be now or later. It's funny because I told my wife that as I mentioned earlier that I miss having sex w/her but I miss her touch and her affirmation that she does love me. Last night for example, she just came up to me and rubbed my back and hugged me and this morning while I was in the closet she just came from behind and hugged me and kissed my shoulder. It made me feel really good. Since the fighting has somewhat calmed down, things have improved some. She told me that all she wants is for the fighting to stop and it has and I've seen a change. I told her that I realize I have my issues and told her that I'm working on them daily. Believe it or not, I feel better because I realize my issues and told myself if I don't work on them or realize I have a problem then I'm going to lose her. If that makes any sense. I also realize that I'm not at all fault here, but I'm not going to point the finger and just concentrate on my issues. I know later, this is something that we will have to discuss in a non-fighting way.

From what you wrote, I didn't get the impression that you were over the top jealous.........I think a lot of people would feel the same way if they were NEVER invited to take part in these things - it would make you wonder what they are trying to hide. I'm all for each person having their own interests and not spending ALL their time together, but I understand where you are coming from. Regarding the sex part - if you are/were a bit over the top with the jealousy which caused fights I can understand where she is coming from. I think men and women are wired differently in that way - if a couple is fighting but end up resolving it or whatever, then an hour later he wants to have sex, it's not going to happen.....women take alot longer to calm themselves and "get over" the arguement.



A tiny little bit of jealousy isn't bad (shows us you care) but it's generally not a nice thing to have in a relationship.



If it was me I would want you to watch the jealousy thing, show me you love me but be careful not to over do it and eventually things may turn around.



All the best to you

I appreciate everyone advise and believe me this is helpful. I have been working on controlling my insecurites and jealousies. I have talked to her and told her that I am aware of my issues and am working on them daily. She also has told me as well, that she thought we would not be having these issues this early. My response, I guess I would rather face them now and try to fix them before many years pass. This past month has been the best month we've had and she has told me that if we have sex things would be better. Don't get me wrong I want to have sex w/her, but I would rather work through our issues so sex could be that much better. I tell her I miss her and I've thought to myself life is too short to be fighting all the time. So, I've decided to be happier. Don't get me wrong there are time when I want to question her about small things, but don't because I want her to know that I trust her. I don't put a time table on when things will improve and just will take things one day at a time, but also will pay attention if things are improving over time. She still tells me she love me and is affectionate w/me(not in a sexual way). She just tells me all the fighting and distrust has pushed her away. How do I get her to be close to me? I wonder if I'm doing the right things by not fighting or not sweating the small stuff. I just told her this past weekend, that I've learned recently that I'm tired of us fighting and want us to get past this and knows that this will take time.

Little Brother, DO NOT HAVE ANY CHILDREN! until you are absolutely certain life is good between you and your wife. You think you don't have sex now...... Its a recipe for disaster. Please read post on this board and you will soon know the torture that can await you.

You should make a major attempt to figure out why you feel jealous. Do some real soul searching and some honest self-evaluation but, use your head, cause things can and do happen.

I find it particularly interesting that after only 2 years there can be this distance. Usually, love is still on the front burner and cooking! If you've been a real troll ( with the jealous stuff ), that will drive even the hottest women into the dirt and it is hard to recover your ground ( not that it can't be done: it's just a tough battle). Jealousy has killed many relationships. If I were you, I'd try apologizing for the way I acted and reacted and let her know going forward that you will do your best not to act that way again. If life doesn't get back to something closed to normal in a reasonable time frame ( which makes YOU feel satisfied ), then maybe you better evaluate if this is a person you want to spend your valuable time with ~cause it is your time. Later CC

I can totally understand your concure and actually agree to keep an open mind, eyes and ears open for any change in your relationship with the wife. Show interest in her activity, without being directly involved with them. My wife bowls on a league Sunday nights from 8 PM until 11 PM. I leave her alone with people but I listen to her scores and accomplishment, which give me a good filling that she is bowling. I lied last week and told my wife that I do drop by the bowling lanes, but was to tired to go in.

This suggest to her that I can and will drop in at the bowling lanes anytime I want.

I also ask but do not push work activities, so show interest, yet know that she is working and not out shopping for guys.

Once a month I put 100% effort in showing the wife why we are married, so she does suspect anything I am doing. I don't mean sex, but more like the best boat ride, travel, dinner and show.

Women remember those things and you can use it when she say you don't do anything with her.