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Close, But No Cigar!

So yesterday around lunchtime my husband gets a call from work to say he's been miss-scheduled and they don't need him to come in for the afternoon.  He asks me what I'd like to do for the day, so I guess playing devil's advocate I suggested that an afternoon together in bed would be nice.

So when I got home from work we had a snack, he'd already had a shower so I hopped in and took a quick one, shoo'd the cat out of the room and we both slipped naked into bed.  Within a minute of getting in and warming up my husband was asleep...  and remained asleep for 2.5 hours.  He finally woke up around 4pm and said wow, I didn't realise I was that tired and got up and went back to his computer.

Maybe I should have been clearer.... ~just laughs (now).

Rallacious Rallacious 36-40, F 19 Responses Dec 22, 2009

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WOW - my husband would have been all over me before I even got out of the shower. What is with your husband? Is he suffering from depression? I have found that serious depression or a man having an affair are about the only things that cause him not to want to have sex with his wife if he still loves her and is attracted to her. Does he tell you what is wrong and how you might be able to fix it? That would really hurt, and I am sorry you are going through this.

There were never any times that it wasn't clear what my intentions for sex were with him...and the excuses, from age related to libido related were amazing! I am glad you are finding support in this group....what I would have given to have this kind of support about 10 years ago...I could have saved myself from gaining 100 lbs and the growing anger that constant rejection creates. After 10 full years of that I was so bitter and angry that he didn't think I loved him anymore...why do you suppose? His narcissism was the only view of the world we were allowed to have...heaven forbid he would be the cause of MY not loving HIM anymore. <br />
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I am so happy I am out of this marriage. I can't tell you what a relief it is to be independent of his point of view of the world expressing his every thought and idea for me to awe and oogle over as he gloated how intelligent he is. I am amazed he hasn't run for president....no bitterness here is there....LOL

The chemistry has to be right, the mental imagery has to be right, the connection has to be right, and one of the most important things in the relationship is knowing who is in control - in my estimation, and from my extensive experience, it should always be the woman. Once a man gets to understand how this works, and succumbs to the absolute control of his female partner, then things get really sexually exciting for him...and for the woman. Once he realizes what a privilege it is to be allowed to engage in sexual activity with his companion, on her terms and conditions, and following her instructions on how she wants him to pleasure her, then he will begin to understand the real joy in a sexual relationship, and experience such thrilling sensations that are beyond the grasp and experience of those who simply engage in the act.

How can anyone be so sour over laughing?<br />
I suggest reply by laughing harder like he has said the worlds greatest joke.<br />
Work on it so you can force tears to steam down your face. Then just as he looks like he is going to commit murder - choke back your laugh and say "oh that cracks me up every time" <br />
Watch him turn blue / black...

Thank you, thank you all! I came here feeling pretty blue and ended up laughing, I really miss laughing, you know so hard that it hurts! When I'm with my family sometimes I think I might die through lack of oxygen from laughing. Occasionally when I find something stupid or funny on the internet and I find myself laughing, my husband usually says 'you ought to go to the toilet before you wet yourself' - like what the hell?? After that kind of comment its kinda hard to laugh. I think maybe he has really no emotions at all, but he's pretty good at pretending he has them. Oh and the classic, yesterday he asked me which day was Christmas Day the 24th or 25th... ????? Well **** it I am going to write up my resolutions for 2010 on the wall, number one being - Have sex at least once a week, after 15 months of nothing I am due some!!!

Here's a suggestion: next time he goes to sleep, snap some pictures of him laying there naked ( Hmmmm, do refuser ever sleep naked??? ). Get them blown up, like poster or maybe splurge and go for the gusto, Bill Board size. Write a caption, in nice easy to read large font: " This man fell asleep while his Naked ( optional ) WILLING wife offered him an afternoon of pleasure! What's wrong with this picture?" Put that sucker on the front lawn or the next intersection up from the house/apt. I bet that would get his attention! <br />
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Sorry, just trying to think outside the box. Later CC

Ohhhh....I'd give anything for my wife to crawl into the sheets naked, just waiting for me. Definitely would not fall asleep LOL!!! Well, maybe after... :)

You guys are all too compassionate! Ralla's refusing husband deserves a good old-fashioned keel hauling! <br />
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Shheeesh! Both naked and he falls asleep?!? Good grief!

WOW...<br />
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Is he for real? How the hell do you fall asleep with your wife naked and willing right next to you??? Honey, I think its time for you to put the foot down and let him know how it is. As a woman, I simply can not stand knowing another woman is enduring this! you are too amazing to put up with someone who doesnt see that! maybe you could seek counseling like some other previous posters suggested, but honestly, I would first start with just letting his *** know about himself.

His a f*cken *****! Sorry! My question is just..if it was another woman doing that, hopping into bed naked next to him..would he sleep? My answer is NO.....he is obviously not wanting to have sex with you..bottomline.no psyco analysis needed my dear! Kick him in the nuts! they are so selfish..and they act all nice and play dumb....its a strategy not to deal with the issue. The problem with us sexless people are, we just take too much crap...end of story....we are put up with far too much.....

It is possible to live in a Sexless (and, loveless, it seems) marriage.<br />
My 21st wedding anniversary was 12/16 and my wife's idea of a good time is French Kissing.....She won't allow it to go further.<br />
I've even thought of writing a book, warning younger men not to marry an older woman (my wife is 13 years older and I was 27, when we married), because menopausal women seem to have their knees locked in the middle.

OMG that sounds exactly like my (now ex) husband. He could fall asleep so fast, I often wondered if he was pretending. But falling asleep after accepting an explicit invitation ... I think I'd have dumped the jug of water on HIM.

There's an old saying...."I used to be disgusted, now I'm just amused"....sad but true. The pain becomes dull after a few of these type of attempts. I've had so many with my h that I have no feelings at all left. So sad.

Yep, Enna's idea of a jug of water on the computer sounds good. Then you can say-Wow, I didn't realize I was so weak, I can't even hold a jug of water without spilling!!!

I think this week I hit the 'laughing at everything' stage... isn't that the one just before the mental breakdown... geez I hope not!<br />
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Your combination of understanding and humour gets me every time - I love you guys!

That is just horrible. Condolences

I'm sorry but what a F#cking jack!ss!!! It's not that you werent clear enough of your intensions, even Forest Gump would of known what you wanted. Should that opportunity arise again maby you should be crystal clear and say an afternoon of you f#cking my brains out would be nice. If it still dosent work, hell, I'll be available.

Maybe you should have jumped in bed with someone else... (I am sorry, that is probably too glib)...but I know how horrible this is.... I've been without sex now for over 5.5 years....<br />
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james

OMG! These sexless spouses are SO witless, clueless and CRUEL! Even if the cruelty is unintentional, it is still very hard to bear. Good for you on being able to laugh now. I think I'd have "accidentally" poured a jug of water over the computer - whoops!! LOL

I feel your pain.