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Fed Up

I have been married before (hormones outpaced inteligence.) My current H likes to throw it in my face that my x's (yes it is plural) were both without ambition. We live in a nice house, we got a good price on it since my parents built it and sold it to us when they were ready to move, much nicer than what either of us were in before. The other day he was stroking his own ego at my expence, saying I could have stayed married to either one of my x's or stayed single and be living in a dump. That if it weren't for him I wouldn't be were I was now, that he could be like them and we could be broke. I just lost it and told him to just shut the f*** up. That he is not a perfect husband and until he was to just back off.

It was at that point that I decided that yes I am definately leaving him, I would rather sell the house and move to a not as nice home in a less nice neighborhood than to remain married to the self righteous pig. I have enough talent and skill that I can make any home beautiful as long as it is structurally sound.

He is more concerned (in love with money) than he is in building a successful marriage with me. Every time I ask him to spend time with me or do anything with me, he says we can't afford it. He never understood that he couldn't afford not to. There is more wrong with our marriage than just the lack of sex or intimacy and I don't see any way that it can be repaired.

I am taking some online courses and I hope it will enable me to find a job were I can afford to support myself.

sixand0 sixand0 46-50, F 21 Responses Jan 15, 2010

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Not to put too fine a point on things, but this is America and your parents provided the house. I am sure that a court would award the house to you. Seems, He obviously thinks very little of you!

Dont be co dependant, prove to urself u can do it and leave the pig

6&0, sounds like you have had the AHA moment both obvious and illuminating. I guess it is akin to "once thought an idea cannot be unthought". You, dear, are stronger than you know .. and strong enough to provide insight, wisdom and inspiration for others. Now is time to apply it for yourself. You will overcome, find work, make a comfortable home (more than comfortable with your talents). Once you unhitch the load dragging you down, you will soar! Best!

VB "If I give you something and then remind you every five minutes about it -what'd I really give you other than grief? " and they don't even get it. <br />
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Mary - It's just the current job market, and me wanting to just worry about 1 job to pay the bills. I am starting some on line courses though to see if a new field will work out better. Management jobs are generally very specific on the type of experience they want and they can now be picky.

Depending on where you live...in the U.S. in many counties there are agencies that help displaced homemakers. They can help you with job training, coursework, placement, etc. Just info if that is holding you back...

Analyzer- You were right the first time. LOL. I do have some accounting and I am trying to get hired by the IRS they pay fairly well, at least enough to get by on and have a little extra for an annual vacation to somewhere exotic. But I have been looking for a year now today, without luck, so we'll see.<br />
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K - My H has a God complex, he is holier than thou..well me anyway.

My stbx tried the "I've provided you with a certain standard of living" line on me this week. I clearly stated I'd be happier on 1/8 the money. LOL Where do these guys get off?

Tre true dear heart. All marriages should be entered into with the understanding that if they end it will always be a 50/50 split of everything. And if one tries to hide assets from the other they forfeit everything. Would certainly slow down a lot of unhappy marriages.

Steve - I have a savings account in my name and he has one in his they both have enough to pay for several months worth of bills. The checking is a mutual account but if he is so shallow to take all of it I will just ask for more alimony to make it up. I have no desire to take him to the cleaners, any more than I want to be wiped out. The part that makes me angry though is that through his actions we are both losing. (money, dreams, etc..)

Were I you, and for what it's worth, go clean out the account and move all the money to a seperate account. It's the first thing your hubby will do so beat him to the punch. My ex did it to me and the judge said "SO SORRY CHARLIE, IT'S HER MONEY TOO". Protect yourself in the clinches.

VB - I am glad you and P found each other, I think people should treat each other with decency and respect, as you two do. The funny thing is until last year I had an executive job that paid well, so the money in the bank was contributed by me as well.<br />
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Nol - I thought about sending him hear but he wouldn't get it.

PB - Thanks.<br />
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JJ- I think even 6 months ago I would have been happy with that. Now I think it would be too little too late. But I do agree with GL on this one, I don't think he would part with money. (willingly)

sorry Jo - I don't actually think that is true. It did not work for my husband. In fact he just got a little bit cagier.

I just reread your stories, sixand0, and the word I would use to describe your husband is cruel. I'm willing to bet that as soon as you tell him you're leaving he will find loads of money to try to entice you back. He may even rediscover his sex drive.

Yes, he does, dear. Part of the reason it sounds so sweet is because the truth usually does. :-)

Steve you have such a sweet side, thank you.

Home is where the heart is SIX and you have a good heart. He will be smiling out his *** when its over and he's lost you.

PB - I have no doubt I would be getting laid and frequently with one of the x's. That part of either of those marriages was never a problem.<br />
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GL - Sorry to hear you have a husband like mine.<br />
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Reborn- That is the hard part, I have been divorced before and I did okay on my own. I wasn't even planning on getting married again but I did. My fear is getting married again, I have dreadful taste. LOL.

You can do it. We CAN live and take care of ourselves without a man. I'm living proof. If you'd have asked me a year ago if I would leave my ex, I probably would have said, Hell No. But I did. I don't make much money but I'm taking care of my kids and myself and we're thriving. If you truly want to leave don't wait too long and don't make excuses to yourself about not being able to survive on your own. Best wishes!

Whooo hooo!! Good for you! "he says we can't afford it. He never understood that he couldn't afford not to"<br />
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Amen!<br />
That sounds just like my husband. (why do I keep using the H word?) <br />
I agree - sex is way beyond the point when your SO does not even see how they relegate your needs to second class.

Good for you, sixand0. There is no reason to remain silent and complicit with his recharacterization of the truth. The fact is that he wouldn't be where he is without you either. And, oh by the way, where the two of you are isn't so freaking fantastic because perhaps with one of the others you might still be getting laid and would at least have a smile on your face every day as you lived your miserable life. <br />
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Crap on a cracker! Some people's self-righteous bullshit just astounds me.