Sexual Neglect/sexual Rejection Is Sex Abuse.

We here who suffer this abuse have to share this group with sex refusers...

To me this is the same if we were in a group for the physically abused and we had to put up with the posts from physical abusers who start there stories with... I am from the other side, I physically abuse my spouse.... blah blah blah... understand my side.... I can't help but hit my spouse... cause I blah blah blah.

Talk about adding insult to injury...


Sexual reject/sexual neglect is sex abuse.


We who don't get the sex we desire are being abused.




51-55, M
14 Responses Jan 17, 2010

I suffers with sexual neglect/abuse for 20+ years
My ex had an affair and the sex we hsd stopped shortly thereafter. I tried to forgive but some how she would slide it in . I never realized until today that the sexual neglect was indeed sexual abuse. I left that woman 3 years ago after reaching the end of my rope. Now ghat abusers hauntsme with my new hot sexy wife. I hot do used to the abuse I do not know how to recieve love and sex from my wife
It is driving her crazy
We start out okay but the SA causes me ED issues

I cant handle sexual rejection like every one else. It has drained the life out of me. I cant handle the sting. I know this is going to drive me to suicide because im overpowered by it. It owns me . Just a few hours ago I put a gun to my head. I know my time is short. Sometimes at night , I smell funeral flowers in my room out of nowhere. **** only reminds me of what I cant have. Some women have even go out of their way to not only reject me but insult me as well. Deep down I don't want to die , but I know in my position its ( automatic ). My father sexually abused me as a kid . not phyiscaly but mentally. So that doesn't help matters at all. God ill be glad when this is finally over

Please read Codependant No More, by Melody Beattie. Suicidal thoughts are a very normal side effect of sexual abuse. Save yourself, someone else is not more valuable than you. We are equals, all of us. Your feelings matter. If you aren't getting what you need, then try this book. Time for you to do you. With 💜. I feel Ya. Been there, still feel the pain but, it doesn't rule me anymore. Now I know I have options. Good luck, you are not alone.

I feel your pain
I had it for 17 years before i left .Normal sex feels abnormal to me. I dont know how to accept love now and dont know how to overcome.

Ii completely understand how hard this situation is. It feels like a catch a 22. I've been with my wife almost there years and know how hurtful this situation can be. We used to have sex a few times a day but now it's completely fizzled. I'm the only one who initates anything sexual, always have been, and now, after so much rejection I've just given up trying completely and sought to "take care of myself". So far in 2014 we've had sex twice, its almost April and we DONT have kids. I'm 27, she's 30... I constantly feel like I'm this grotesque person, but deep down I know I'm not, however when you keep getting shot down and the person you love doesn't make any effort at initatining or reciprocating to any kind of intimacy it hurts a lot inside. I'm certainly not a bad looking guy, I'm athletic and, due to my reduction in esteem have Been working out everyday. I wish I could talk yo her, but when ever I try discuss the elephant in the room she ignores me or stays silent. I know she loves me, she say so and hugs and kisses me but there is no sex. The thought of Me even trying to initiate sex makes me feel awkward now. I feel so lost and down and wish I could tall to someone....especially her..

I totally relate to what you say about it now being awkward. It is like it has gone on too long and there is no way it will happen naturally based on pure emotions (like the good ole days:).

Lack of intimacy destroys you.

I've been without ANY intimacy for 7 years. For a long time I thought it was my fault, for being that despicable and grotesque. Now I'm beginning to believe that it's not my fault, I've tried but he's not interested. It mental abuse.

There's only so much you can take, you've tried and it's failed through no fault of your own. You deserve love, hugs, touching, passion. I know I do. Life's too short.

I just got married recently. We've only been married like 3 months and already he's denying me my just dues. I'm 22 and he's 38. I end up feeling like a total freakin idiot when I try to turn I'm on. I feel neglected, I feel emotionally hurt.

I dont even feel like i can call my boyfriend my boyfriend anymore. Im 20 hes 45. You would THINK that he would be in heaven because he has a younger very sexually interested girlfriend. Not the case. I get turned down all the time. Ive given up trying. All day he is kissing me and hugging me but when it comes down to sex, NOTHING! I cant do this anymore. I cant spend the time of my life when i should be in my prime in this abusive relationship. I always find **** on his phone and his laptop and DVD's in his laptop. He always tells me stories about all the things he has done with women before me. I dont know what to do. I feel so horrible about myself. I feel unattractive, unwanted, unloved. It hurts.

You know exactly what to do. It's in the first sentence of your message.

I know how u feel. I'm 22 and he's 38.

I just want u to know that ur lucky u are not married. Why? Because u are young and can move on without regrets. I can't move on as I please because I am married and I don't believe in adultery. But If I were u, I would move on. Get something going for yourself of I haven't already, meet new people. Trust me, you probably have a lot of men who desire you and are waiting on the sidelines for u. That's true in my case. Too bad I made the mistake of getting married to this cold blooded man. Good luck and we are all here for you!!!! :)

2015! Marriage is not what it used to be, if you had black eyes, would you leave? What about a bruised heart? No one can see it but, man does it ever ache.

By the way, I'm Michelle a makeup artist from riverside ca.

2 More Responses

This is abuse and I can't stand it anymore

my partner rejects me...and makes excuses for the 9 years of rejection...I feel I am being cheated out of a life of happiness and pleasure...

I agree. I had a baby with a man who said he loved me and never WANTS me and rarely had sex with me. Our daughter is 16 now and we reunited and THIS time he not only REFUSES to have sex me most of the time but leaves me and has sex with his ex over and over again and claims I don't understand, that he can't help himself and I don't know how she is, but he wants to marry me and I'm hot she's not and I am a kinder person. I left him again. I am in horrendous pain and this reunion was WORSE than before as at least he didn't reject me and then run off and have sex with someone else REPEATEDLY!!!! OMG. I lost my sex drive for my entire 30s because of his constant and never ending rejection and then got back together with him. What a life. He has raped me and I feel like the ugliest most despicable women on the planet when I have been told I am the hottest older woman in town. I own a lingerie/sexy costume shop. He does not want to see me in lingerie. YES REJECTION IS ABUSIVE. IT HAS DESTROYED MY LIFE

I feel really bad for u. But it's a relief that I'm not the only one. I'm 30 work out everyday and even has her friends hit on me. Id do anything to fix this. Good luck I feel ur pain feeling attractive and being loved it's important regardless what he or other ppl say

Sachiel,<br />
<br />
Thanks for speaking up and supporting this stance that I have taken. It is for people like you that I posted this post... people who have been put into hell by their refuser, and who don't need to have abusers show here and spout off their justification for the inflection of this kind of abuse.<br />
<br />
james<br />

HowdyDont, I don't expect you will understand even after I explain, but I shall try... <br />
<br />
Sex is not like anything else... I didn't ever assert "I don't get something I desire so I am abused. " I said "I don't get sex from my the person that swore to be my sex partner"... that is abuse. <br />
<br />
You have to be pretty dim not to grasp the difference between not getting some thing... and not getting sex. <br />
<br />
HD, I suspect you of being a troll in this group, as you are not identified as belonging to the group. For all I know you are a refuser... just defending your abusive ways.<br />
<br />
james<br />

Life is too short to be unhappy.

I think midnight hit the nail on the head. I just felt like the way you may have phrased things at the end there seemed a bit childish. "We who don't get the sex we desire are being abused."<br />
I don't get something I desire so I am abused. That's life it just happens to be ****** an unfair to you in this aspect deal with it. Very few people get what they desire in life. Marriage and relationships are about a deeper connection then sex,sex to me is just a tool that you can use to help you reach a deeper connection. If you can't reach a real connection to deal with this problem then sex won't help your relationship other then to make it a little more bearable in the moment. It will still be painful.<br />
<br />
Ask yourself why you aren't getting the sex, is this person trying to be malicious or is something else the matter? Usually it's something else that is a legitimate reason but it won't come out unless you do something about it. If the person is trying to be malicious is this really the person you want to care so much about?<br />
<br />
Plus I think it is very important to understand how someone who abuses someone else can rationalize their actions it may help you to recognize problems in the future or help people in similar situations. I would actually say their input is more important then the victim. The victim can only tell us what happened not why it happened and it won't really help us to prevent it from happening to someone else. Not to underplay the role of the victim or the situation they are going through.<br />
<br />
Also I think your comparison of sexual neglect to physical abuse is a bit lofty. I get your point but you might want to use an issue most people feel is a little closer to sexual neglect on the I should do something about it scale. <br />
<br />
This might help even though it's from AA and I don't particularly agree with them on most things:<br />
<br />
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.<br />
<br />
Basically nut up or shut up!

Nut up or shut up? Really!?! I've been shutting up for over six years! He shuts me down every time I try to talk about it. I get told I'm "molesting him" If i touch him! This is my husband!!!! WTF?!? I am 32 He is 44 WOW really... Whats the problem? I keep myself in "decent" shape 130lbs (not that that should matter). He's charged with exposing himself to a 57 year old woman &amp; asking "do you think you can handle this". Really? He has not touched me in over 6 years .?!!? What the ....