It is true I let go of myself, gained weight and started punishing myself for the wrong reasons because I felt I did not deserve to have someone in my life and finally be happy.
We always had sexual problems, he was always very hard to please sexually, he had problems climaxing and having always felt like a sex goddess with all my previous partners, I always felt like the most inadequate sexual dork with him, who is now my husband and who I haven't made love with for 4 years.
There is a series of problems: as naive as it may sound, there are very significant signs and forces that indicate we are soulmates and should stay together. Being already divorced once, I've never felt like i depend on him or cannot live without a man, but there is something bigger than life that makes it impossible to leave him, besides not being able to support myself financially yet or not being able to afford any kind of marriage counseling.
He hasn't looked at me with desire in 4 years and it has worn down my soul to the point where I cannot find any traces of self esteem. i also detached from friends and social activities because our lack of intimacy and problems drove me to a bottomless depression.
And here is where it gets ridiculous: having made attempts of leaving him, given him countless ultimatums and threats, he always breaks down, reassures me that everything will be ok, that he IS attracted to me, that it's just temporary, that this time he will start changing and taking steps to recover our sex life, he is still doing nothing. EVER!
I have told him for years that I am open-minded, that all I need to hear is the truth: in order for me to have understanding and closure, I need to know why he has no sex drive, not even to watch ***** or m***. The only explanations he has given me is that he can take it or leave it, he has always been like that, an that having a survival-mode attitude when we were having rough financial and professional times took away his desire. Also fighting with me so much for the first 2 years of our relationship.
I have also told him: look, it is ok if you tell me you're not attracted to me anymore, I will understand, and we can move on...or why don't you find someone that rocks your world and let me find someone that appreciates me...but he always says that he knows he loves only me, that things will change...
he is very affectionate, he tells me I am beautiful, hugs me, kisses me (only pecks) and cuddles with me all the time, but it feels platonic, it feels like an elementary school relationship, based on friendship and innocent, not ever linked with sex. And the most torturing thing of all is that when we first started, aside from any problems, he has been the best lover I ever had, he always blew my mind and he has the best equipment of all the guys I have been with too. TALK ABOUT A WASTE!!!!
Another thing that makes it hard to leave is that we are truly the perfect match, he's the only person I am able to live with (I am very territorial and people seem to invade my space easily), we're so similar, we have the same tastes, standards, ways of seeing life, and when we're together we truly enjoy life. I don't think I can ever fall out of love with him. despite how negligent he has been about my needs. He is a really responsible, kind, affectionate and caring husband, and it makes me really angry that the only problem with him, which he is aware of, he has decided to neglect knowing he can lose me over it.
I honestly thought i was the only woman who was unwanted by their husbands, in my country it is almost unheard of, guys are usually the ones obsessed with sex.
I am glad I found this website. I don't know how helpful it is, but i have no friends and even if I did, I couldn't tell them about it because women rarely suffer from this. I am glad to have read some similar stories here. My story is way more complicated than what I wrote here, but am I crazy to stay in this relationship? Should I separate as soon as I can afford it to jolt him and let him know he can lose me? should I sleep in separate rooms and start detaching from him now? Any light on this would help. I am tired of being taken for granted.