Hi all -
I haven't been actively posting on ILIASM the past few months but I have been lurking and reading your stories and comments and posting a comment here and there.
For those of you who don't know/remember me. . . . . . . .I've been married 4 1/2 years, sexless for 5+ years. Like most of us here, hubby and I had (what I thought) was good and meaningful sex in the beginning of our relationship. Then excuses came, and here I am. He is well aware of the hurt that this is causing. We found out several months ago that he has dysthymia (a form of constant, low-grade depression) and that this may be contributing to his lack of desire and overall motivation. He has been seeing a therapist for this, and I have started talking to a counselor as well to find better ways to cope with my sexless marriage (I realized drinking wasn't a good coping mechanism for me. . . . LOL). I am no longer pretending like this situation is ok because "everything else in the marriage is good".
To add insult to injury, he used to be affectionate with me and we used to have at least some intimacy, in the form of pillow talk, joking around, etc. Not much, and definitely what I long for and need. Now, he won't even give me affection or engaged in everyday conversation, nonetheless any "pillow talk". This has been going on for 6 months now.
My questions are these. . . . . . . . . . do you have any affection in your marriages? Or at least a partnership/shared vision outside of the bedroom? I feel like a roommate. I want to give him time to work on the things that are going on within him, with the hopes that eventually we will be able to work on our marriage together. But I don't know how long I can keep going like this. In the meantime, wouldn't even a depressed spouse be capable of having empathy for my position in the marriage, and be able to give me some sort of affection/intimacy? I do not know much about depression so any insights you offer would be appreciated