26 Years Of Abuse!!!!

From the first month of marriage it was made clear that sex would be initiated by him and not ever by me. When I did initiate it I was met with leave me alone. Aside from that he has been critical of everything I or anyone around him says or does. I can do nothing right and he does not think twice about yelling any thing he wants at me. This summer when I expressed my loneliness I was told that I was a "needy *****". I would give absolutely anything to have a man next to me who I knew would hold me when I needed it. Sometimes I think that the only thing in the world that would help a bad day is to have intimacey closeness with a man, to feel loved and beautiful and close. I am so lonely, Silent treatment tonight that is what I get. I feel like time is ticking by I am still attractive and somewhat young, I feel like looking for someone now before its too late. I have four children who will not speak to us as they say thier father was mean and they are mad at me for not leaving him. I just knew that I had nowhere to go, 

Lesley46 Lesley46
46-50, F
5 Responses Feb 7, 2010

Start with going to some courses about personal development. You believe you cannot do anything because, over the years, your husband has demolished your sense of worth. Consider attending a class or two about "living more happily" or whatever is available in your region. . . <br />
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As you meet others in similar situations and have a chance to learn about what you CAN do, you will find that there ARE ways open to you to escape this living Hell. Please take action now. You still have many years of life to enjoy the world as it should and can be enjoyed.

You could look at low income housing as a why to find a place to go. I'm looking for that right now.<br />
You got to look at the pros and cons of what your marriage has become and sometimes you have to just take the loss, I know its easier said then done but do you want to end up old and alone with him? I know I don't want to with my husband. Your kids will support you and be proud of you and then you can teach them that they don't have to be stuck in an abusive marriage. Just some advice I'm trying to get myself to do so I understand how hard it is to leave . but it is possable.

Lesley, <br />
Your story is sad. It sounds like all of the people who should love you have turned their backs on you. <br />
You might feel inundated with feelings of guilt as if you are to blame for your predicament. That sets you back and prevents you from moving forward or thinking clearly. <br />
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I tell you what, my wife is a needy ***** too but I would never say that to her. I still love her too and I want to have sex with her pretty much every day. Also, here is the kicker: if you asked my wife, she would probably say that I am needy too! My point is that I think you should be certain that your desire for love, affection, intimacy and sex are normal. Your husband's refusal is abnormal and unloving.

I am glad your children are angry! It shows that despite difficult circumstances and a very difficult (impossible?) man, you raised your children to know that your marriage was not healthy and normal. Thats a good thing - a very good thing. <br />
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It is not too late to find happiness for yourself. But you will have to start with the most fundamental thing - you. <br />
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I can not be self righteous here, my own marriage has been degrading in many ways. But I do know that there is only one person who can change what happens now and that is yourself. <br />
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You say you have no where to go - you will have to start by creating that somewhere to go for yourself. If you are inclined towards divorce, start by talking to a divorce attorney. Many will give you a consultation for free. I say start here because you need to know what your rights are and not be bound by the intimidation your husband lays on you. You need impartial knowledge.<br />
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In many states the home and other assets are considered joint property, even if you never worked. This means that you get half the house, half the bank account and maybe even half of his pension if you get one. These assets will go a long way towards creating that somewhere to go for yourself.

My husband grew up with a father who was an alcoholic and was a womanizer, not sure if i spelled that right. Anyway he dropped a huge bomb on me one year into the marrige and i wish i would have left then, but there was no where to go.