Sexless Marriage - My Fault, What Can I Do??!!

I am sorry.  This is just too painful.  Maybe I shouldn't have done this.  Thank you all for replies.

jfk1 jfk1
36-40, M
3 Responses Feb 9, 2010

My God. <br />
I think this forum has been finally blessed by an honest refuser -- a refuser whose cry for help sounds genuine and worthy of compassion.

Wow - are you my husband? You have to work on this with a professional - (non religious- much easier to talk about sex frankly and openly in my experience), and take your wife off the pedestal. She sounds like a good woman but you can't and do not have the right to put the pressures of sainthood on her. Most people do not look at Mother Teresa and think about making mad passionate love to her. Your wife loves you for who you are you need to start loving her for who she is and not the role you have assigned her in your life. Trust me - she fantasizes, daydreams, and craves sex, all while loving you for who you are. This is about you still focusing on your own problems and insecurities. If you do not start taking pleasure in giving her pleasure you will lose her.<br />
<br />
I don't mean to be harsh, but I have lived this scenario and from my experience she feels duped and unloved, and in time it is only human to be drawn to someone who finds you desirable. <br />
I wish you the best

The one question I have while reading your post. What does your wife say about your lack of sex. Have you explained it to her the way you have here. The problem most of us have is our spouses unwillingness to change. They can't or won't change, they refuse to even talk about it. If you want your marriage to work; that's a question only you can answer, take time and really find the answer. Make sure you communicate with your wife, tell her of your struggles and fears. Hold her, touch her, if only for a moment, convey your love. <br />
Best of luck, hope you find a way