Under Pressure

Does anyone else feel tremendous pressure this weekend?  Valentines Day is like a bomb exploding in my sad, lonely life.  


My hubby (aka refuser) has conveniently gotten a "head cold" this weekend.  Typical really.  Since it's Valentines weekend - his "excuse" preparations have taken on new excitement.  I mean seriously, you can't use the same old lame excuses - not on Valentines Day!  It has to be special.  This year he is going with weekend illness.  It makes me laugh (in a sad pathetic sort of way).  He never EVER gets sick.  The fake cough started on Thursday night (nice touch eh).  Now all I'm hearing is ohhhh, I feel terrible...my throat is so sore.  Blah! Blah! Blah!  Last year - he was really creative and started a horrible fight about - are you ready for this - the laundry.   Screaming at me about 2 baskets of unfolded laundry.  I was speechless and left the house with the kids.  Came back late that night and SURPRISE.....he had folded the laundry and all was well.    Sorry I'm feeling sorry for myself now.


Anyway, I have decided to banish the concept of Valentines Day from my life for today onward.  My hubby has never done anything remotely romantic for me on Valentines Day (in 12 years).  Every year I seem to fall into the vortex of Valentines Day.  My hubby suggested we get back "on track" this long weekend.  So, like the pathetic soul I am, I believed him.  I allowed myself to think this Valentines Day it would be different.  

He had the nerve to send me a cheesy ecard today saying how much he loves me.  I felt like saying "what is wrong with you"?  If you love me so much why not be intimate with me - why not be sexual with me.  He know how much this hurts me - yet his mind games go on and on and on.  

All I do now is try like hell to desexualize myself.  I stay far away from him in bed, I go to bed way after he does, I don't bother to kiss him anymore.  It's gone and I don't know how to get it back or how to get out.  


I hate Valentines Day.  It's a date on the calendar that reminds me of the despair in my heart and the cold in my bed.  I'm sending a hug to all of you who suffer like I do.  Happy FU_ _ing Valentines Day! 

36-40, F
3 Responses Feb 13, 2010

Ha.. my hubby is tired all the time, oh and his back hurts, oops almost forgot the sprained ankle. I for one think I am insane for staying. Riddle me this, why am I concerned about his pride?

my husband is constantly "sick". whether it is a "cold" or his lips hurt for some odd reason or he has a weird pain in his eyeball or whatever. i've even gotten the "i just feel weird" excuse. i sympathize. <br />
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i am living the same nightmare you are i guess.<br />
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how many years into the marriage did it start?

hahaha The "sick" tactic has been used around here too. True romance transcends the common cold I think...we'll have to ask Vegas and P. I'm sure they'd have an opinion.