No Warmth

My wife and I came very, very close to divorce a couple of years ago but our commitment to the kids has kept us together. At one time, we'd argue all the time and it was misery to be in the same room. Today, we get along pretty well. We genuinely enjoy each others company and the children are happy. But there has been no so much as a kiss or a cuddle for years. My wife does not seem to feel the need. I've tried to get things going again but I've been given the cold shoulder. Sometimes I'm perfectly happy but others I'm lonely and in need of physical affection and more.

robbie606 robbie606
41-45, M
2 Responses Feb 15, 2010

Well, having been divorced, divorce really does alot of damage to kids, I don't know the answer....I do wish, however, I'd thought more of that before I remarried and had another child. <br />
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Of the last 3 times we've "made love", my husband has lost his erection mid-lovemaking, can't get lucky more than once a week anyway...and even then, will it be enough for me to even get off? Probably not....he does enjoy **** though.....ouch, ouch, ouch.<br />
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So is is wrong to leave a marriage over sex? How can something be soooo hot, and then be sooo cold within a couple of years? All in all life is fine, just not between the sheets...but my life was fine, platonically, before I got married, so why change my whole world? For 'fine'? UGH.

Robbie, welcome to the club, unfortunately. Your story fits one of the typical stories here - staying together for the kids, and spouse has turned off intimacy like a light switch. As you've found, the ability to cope fluctuates between "I'm dealing with it" and "I'm gonna die without it".<br />
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Set the kids aside for a moment and consider what Robbie will think when looking back on life in 20 years. Then think about what the kids will learn about marriage and intimacy in their own lives with you two as their role models, and the huge life commitment you made by having kids. I'm not convinced broken homes are a better example for kids unless the marriage was pretty hostile - a lot depends on the custody BS and if the parents struggle as a single or find new happiness. There is no easy answer here.