Insecurity

My H knows that I am on EP, but no details.  He doesn't know my user name or why I'm here.  I have told him I talk about music and other non-ILIASM stuff.  He also knows nothing about me and my old flame being in contact.  Several months ago, I finally raised the issue of our sexlessness.  It was really a mini-The Talk.  That isn't the subject of this story but I mention it to point out that he is aware that I am not happy with the way things are in our marriage.  And although he doesn't dare mention anything (no sir), he is now feeling very insecure.

He knows I am very independent and I basically do what I want to; trips with girlfriends, etc. and he never gives me any grief over it.  Because he knows if he did, I would be very pissed because I cannot stand being told what to do or what not to do.  Also because frankly, the things I want to do are quite reasonable.  I don't say "Listen, I'm going to Europe next week so there's some spaghetti in the freezer you can eat for dinner".

First, I must mention that he has always been a bit paranoid about my safety.  I have simply accepted this and appease him by telling him where I am going, and letting him know when I am back at home.  All this despite the fact that before we met, I was a single woman living alone, took business trips alone, and did just fine, thank you very much.

So, I had an opportunity to meet up with VB & P.  I told him I "knew" them from here, and that they were a couple and that we were going to meet at a restaurant.  I knew he would think it was a little odd to meet people I only knew from the internet.  I was prepared to assure him that I was confident that they were not axe murders and that we were meeting in a public place anyway, yada yada yada.

But I wasn't prepared for what actually happened.  He went through the roof.  Now; the number of times he raises his voice to me in a year can be counted on one hand. He yelled at me through gritted teeth saying "I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!!  WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO MEET THESE PEOPLE? DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS NORMAL??  I was taken aback, but said all the requisite reassuring stuff calmly without reacting to his anger.  The next part really shocked me.  He said "WELL, AT LEAST YOU TOLD ME ABOUT IT.  I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU DO, I'M NEVER HERE.  YOU COULD BE DOING ANYTHING!!!  I was absolutely floored and I got extremely angry.  But I hid it like an award-winning actress and refrained from throwing back all the retorts that flew through my brain.  I just said things like  "Of course I'm telling you, why wouldn't I?".  Then I said, "If it's that big a deal then I won't go".  Then I left the room.  About 15 minutes later, he came in and informed me that I was a grown woman and must have thought about this and that I should go.  Which I did.

And it was great!!  For the record, I'm here to tell you that VB & P actually do exist!  They were pretty much attached to each other the whole time and just seem so.....united.  As if they've always been together.  I am so grateful that I had the chance to spend some time with them and they both were kind enough to boost my confidence a little too. 

 

blackdress blackdress
51-55, F
9 Responses Feb 15, 2010

BD, I really believe that our refusers see us as their possessions. They do not want us but they don't want anyone else to have us. Your H is angry and upset at the thought of losing his possession.

Since no one here actually knows me personally (except VB & P a little), I guess I should point out that I am not stupid and generally do not act on something without giving it prior due consideration. So of course, I appreciate the safety issue. H also knows that I have a brain and some common sense and that I would not put myself in a dangerous situation. So I don't need a Daddy to give me any lectures about safety.<br />
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I knew when H was yelling, that the safety thing was merely a convenient and familiar topic he chose because he can feel my disconnection with him. What really, really shocked me was the implication that I might be "doing something". Never before has he ever said anything like that.<br />
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I think VB is right - he senses the prey struggling to wriggle free.

BD, if I didn't know better, I'd say your husband is my husband's long lost twin. It's interesting that when he doesn't want me to go somewhere he has huge safety concerns. If he doesn't care or if me going somewhere would benefit him in some way, safety is no concern. <br />
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VB, kindly leave Lizzie out of this. She was falsely accused!

Sounds like you had a great time BD. <br />
I am not shy in the least and have met lots of folk from online. I even took a trip to Vegas with a bunch of them once.<br />
But I can sympathize with the safety issue. There are a lot of kooks that hide on the net and you are never quite sure if you will get one at the other end.

" They were pretty much attached to each other the whole time and just seem so.....united. As if they've always been together. " <br />
Well, duh! They are not married yet! ****, my wife and I looked like that too once.

One should always be very careful, there are predators out there. However ...<br />
I've met a few "Internet People" so far, and they were more normal and less scarey than some of my "real life" acquaintances. The FWB that I met as my marriage was ending was amused and confused by my elaborate safety measures, but went along with me. The second time we were cuddling in bed, he grinned at me and with a twinkle in his eyes said "So, what do you think of your axe murderer now?"

Superdad, You make me laugh out LOUD!! An earthquake indeed.<br />
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I agree about H. He says things that a wife would like to hear, but as I've mentioned to VB - I take his comments with a shaker of salt.

Aaaahhh, VB. My hero...

Wow BD! Your DH may be very concerned about your safety - but he does come across as very controlling. How COOL to meet VB and Pen! I'm meeting one of the great Aussie EPers soon - and I can't wait! <br />
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I find it interesting how there is a strong stereotype that "anyone on the Internet is a potential axe murderer!" I know that there are suspect people out there - but there also millions just like us . . .