Checking In

I haven't been on in months and just thought I'd drop by.  Feelin' a bit low.  Nothing's changed and most likely never will.  I stopped the "therapy" sessions because they were going nowhere I haven't been and seemed principally aimed at getting me reconciled with my situation.  I can't really blame the therapist because in a way he's right; it really is too late for me to have a new life.  My age, my health, and my desire to keep what earnings I've made will keep me in the marriage.  Again, she's not a "bad" person; she just doesn't "get it".  the pattern is and always will be that I work all day every day and she sits home and knits.  I look forward to going to work and dread the evenings.  I'm trying hard to get in the mode of enjoying myself alone and finally spending some money on myself without guilt.

Longplay Longplay
51-55, M
3 Responses Feb 15, 2010

What I should have said was that the therapist gave me the impression that what I had to get on with was making myself happy and not depending on the wife for that. Not that he thought her behavior doesn't play a part but just that my happiness does not depend on her. He didn't say that straight out but that's what I believe he was aiming at. <br />
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At one point in a book we were using, there was an exercise where you were supposed to list things you "admired" about your spouse and I couldn't thnk of anything that rose to that. Terrible of me I suppose, but "admire" to me would indicate something above normal and that's just not in evidence at this point.<br />
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I'm pretty well convinced that she won't change her stripes at this late stage, after I've allowed it all these years. She's content with being home alone all day and doing the minimal work to keep the house in good order - which she does do. But she equates what she does with my working 8-9 hours a day for thirty years and that does grate.<br />
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The point about my health is that I'm pretty darned certain that, although there can be a climax there is definitely ED and it's most likely the result of spinal damage done by an autoimmune ailment I fell into (and got out of with meds) 3 years ago. So leaving most likely wouldn't land me in the sexually fulfilling relationship I'd dreamed of but would drain a lot of my funds. At this point I'm working on not feeling guilty about enjoying the fruits of my labor (I've been the sole breadwinner for 30 years) and not felling guilty about it.<br />
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Yes, both kids are gone but I still do feel I need to be able to help them out if they get in financial trouble, especially with the economy the way it is.

Excuse me? Your therapist has the power to deem whether you can start a new life? No way!!

Your desire to keep what earnings you have? Will you lose health care somehow if you leave your marriage? I'm not sure that I understand the health piece because if you are working I don't think that you rely on your wife to physically care for you. <br />
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Presumably there are no children living at home at this point? If not, why not sell the house, give her half of everything and go live for yourself? If your profile age range is accurate, you have a lot of life left, but you sound like you have one foot in the grave.