Furious, Or Should I Be

i was talking to her tonight.  a couple of weeks ago, about a 3-4 weeks without sex (i know that is not all that long, but i'm dealing with a long history of droughts), i had not showered for about a week or so.  tonight, she has the big brass balls to say "spontaneous sex is not really happening when you smell".  really?  really?  i haven't showered in a week b/c you never want to f@!k me!  i don't take care of myself b/c you have not shown any interest in me sexually, and you have the motherfing gaul to say that, without batting an eye, without any sort of shame.  that is way, way beyond f-ed up!  i can't begin to explain how toally pissed i am right now.

lebowski28 lebowski28
26-30, M
8 Responses Feb 18, 2010

Sorry - I read this as being extremely cruel - like a control freak cruel - ON HER PART. I see this as a huge slap in the face and yet ANOTHER EXCUSE TO NOT HAVE SEX!<br />
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I have heard every excuse in the book just short of 'Not now, aliens are invading the neighborhood'. This one was just too easy for her NOT to pass up. An easy excuse.<br />
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My guess? If you'd say 'hold right there - I'll be clean and out of the shower in 3-4 minutes' she would have backed off and said something like 'Not now. I'm totally turned off.'<br />
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Leb, <br />
Liquor can be an attractive lover. She may burn your liver but she will never break your heart. She never refuses. But let me warn you: There is no liquor in heaven. <br />
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Stay off the bottle -- been there, done that. I can relate to your writing. We can all relate to the hopelessness that you feel towards yourself. However, you have to stop. <br />
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If you can afford alcohol, you can afford to get yourself out of this mess and enjoy true love. You really can.

yeah, shea, that was what i was for the first 11 years of our relationship. you are reading the detritus of me, not the best of me. for years i have taken care of my body, and made sure we had the best possible chance to have sex -- stayed sober, cleaned the house, changed the sheets, showered, shaved, etc. it wasn't happening. i drove myself into the ground, deep, deep into the ground b/c she wasn't interested. now she is working on it, and for awhile, i was good with that. for some reason all the pain, depression, etc. has re-surfaced.

Sorry, but there's not a chance in hell that I'm gonna make love to someone who hasn't bathed in a week. The sexiest thing in the world to me is someone who is freshly showered, clean shaven, and smelling of a nice cologne.

i couldn't have said it better, meerin. your 2nd paragraph pretty much sums it up.

I've been off the site awhile, so I skimmed through some of your stories. Did you ever make the decision about taking anti-depressants? I can understand the depression. I've dealt with it for awhile, but the marriage definitely does not help. But, the further you sink into not caring for yourself and giving up the things you like to do, the harder it is to drag yourself back up.<br />
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I think that that is what makes the situation so soul stealing for most of us. If our partners were horrible people, it wouldn't be a battle to leave, but the fact that they are mostly good people who treat us badly in only a few ways leaves us so confused that we stand around trying to figure out wtf is going on and trying to reconcile this behavior with the person we love. Maybe that's it. We're all confused, trying to piece together the puzzle and suffering from whiplash to pack up our stuff.

i appreciate the sentiment, but depression has certainly set in. i'm not wholly unattractive -- i'm not super attractive, but i'm not a c.h.u.d. either. i could make someone very happy b/c i'm an attentive lover and senstive, but, as much as she appreciates me (and she does in her way), she can't see me for what i am.

I don't blame you for being pissed. I get extremely angry when my husband talks about sex like our sex life is normal. I have seriously fantasized about throwing things at him. <br />
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Take care of yourself, though. Shower because you deserve to be a hot guy, don't let depression creep in and keep you down.