Sexless, Yes, But Loveless Too And The Latter Hurts More...

Last time when I was active in this group there were fewer than 2000 members and it feels so bad to see that the group now has grew above 8500, soon reaching 10000...

Well, I just wanted to add that I have seen no improvements in our sexual life during the past years, we are still on around once per month (my wife is the refuser), but what is worse, it has actually struck my mind that she hasn't even shown me any LOVE during the past three-four years either (OK, maybe once in a while - but my feelings for her are still strong) and after all, this is by far much harder to cope with than the lack of sex (I still got my right hand)...

couple1990 couple1990
41-45, M
8 Responses Feb 19, 2010

AHHHHH I SO AGREE WITH YOU. I am blessed in that I have a very loving wife, and we still laugh, talk, joke, and really enjoy each others company. IF I didn't have the love and this great compatibility with her, I would have left long ago(despite the kids). the lack of love would absolutely kill me, and I am so sorry for you that you are going through this with your wife whom you so dearly love!!!

I'm so sorry. Although I know once a month would be an improvement, for some of us! <br />
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You're right though, its not sex itself. It's feeling wanted and loved. Knowing that you are this persons desire. <br />
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Everyone says "you deserve better", and maybe you do!!! However, life isn't all about serving yourself is it? If it were, most of this almost 10,000 person group would not be here. They'd be off "getting a better deal/marriage". <br />
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I'm sorry you don't feel loved. Personally, I knew it was a REAL sex life problem when I went to reading the online stories that were "hardcore" to reading the "romance" ones.

willoby,<br />
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I like your logical juxtaposition of words regarding faithfulness. I'm sure we would all like to hear more about your situation regarding your low libido husband and what effect this has had on his life. If you can get him to post here it would be very helpful for us to hear his story.<br />
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One question to you please. Do you feel sorry for your husband that he cannot enjoy sex and intimacy as much as you.

Hello there, I feel your pain. I feel the same way about my husband like you feel about your wife. I think we deserve better!

Can you be unfaithful to your own feelings and faithful to someone else? Is it faithful to lie in bed night after night with someone you love but no desires you? Is it faithful to be monogamous if that means deadening your desires? <br />
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After reading this I decided to no longer do this to myself and I had an affair. I forgot what it was like to be desired, to be touched. I have not regretted what I did. <br />
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What will happen to my marriage? Who knows....

couple1990,<br />
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Don;t feel bad about our membership quadrupling. These people were always out there suffering their sexless married lives but they just had not become members of ILIASM. We should welcome and rejoice in our swelling numbers because together we have immense strength. It is better to fight our fears, sadnesses and frustrations with the support of an ever growing army rather than in the depressive depths of our own isolation.<br />
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The more stories you hear the more insight you will gain into the ramifications of our sexless lives and this will polarize your ideas of how you can change or modify your unsatisfactory love life.

Love equals intimacy - intimacy can only be truly achieved through a COMPLETE marriage IMHO, where everything (including sex) is in place. Not having true intimacy is deadening. For the longest time I managed to convince myself that I could live without true intimacy - but it was simply not true. You have my sincerest sympathy and warmest wishes for a better future. . .

I agree. When you feel loved, and needed and wanted it can weigh more than sex, but when it is all missing, you feel like your starving to death slowly, a little bit each day.