To My Online Support Group

i've met a lot of wonderful people on this site, which has made the pain of living in low sex/sexless relationship a little bit easier.  for those that have read some of my stories, you are aware that i have an alcohol problem, which has been a way to cope with this problem (two problems together don't solve each other).  she has known for some time about my problem with alcohol, but she, and no one else including my mother whose father was an alcoholic, could tell when i was drunk -- not just a couple either, i could kill a fifth of vodka and talk to them both appearing like i was stone sober.  well, today, for the first time, i told my parents.  i am so blessed to have the family and friends that i do, they are such wonderful people that i sometimes wonder how i got so far into this hole before i reached my hand up -- why did i wait so long?  why did i feel so bad, i had no good reason (other than a lack of physical intimacy at home, that is no small thing, i suppose)?  i live to please others, and i have a misguided notion that love for me, is all about what i do for others -- i'm not supposed to be love unless i'm the good son, the good partner, the good friend, always doing something for the other person to show them (iron my partner's clothes, make her breakfast, take care of the house, etc. etc. etc.).  my folks told me they loved me regardless, and my mom was a little hurt that i didn't come to her sooner; i should have.

i told my parents b/c i want to live a life of integrity, and i can't do that carrying this huge secret around.  i can't get better without my partner's help (she is working on it, and i believe in her; she has gotten a lot better, but there is a lot of hurt leftover) and i can't get sober without my family's help.  this was the first step, and for the first time in a very, very long time, i feel proud of myself for seeing the truth and articulating it even if that truth was painful and ugly.  i had to vent on here first before i could recognize how much of a problem it had become, and many of you have encouraged me to seek help.  thank you, friends.  i'm taking ownership of my life again. 

lebowski28 lebowski28
26-30, M
6 Responses Feb 19, 2010

That is so cool, Lebowski, you are lucky to have family you can talk to. Try not to be so hard on yourself, you are realising all the the things you love and all the things you don't, and it is today and tomorrow that now are important and isn't that is the most exciting things, what has happened is not to be dwelled on, how wonderful to be musical, and this is the start of a new start.

signed up for guitar lessons, joining a group of guys who will play a show (first time in my life for that, so i'm very excited about it!) in may. 3 days sober, 3 days running, feel better than i have felt in many, many years. thanks everyone!

Dear Leb, I'm so very happy for you that you have your family's support and you are taking this HUGE step for yourself . . . I hope you are very proud of yourself for this - you deserve to be. The battle with alcohol is not easy - and you will need all the help you can get.<br />
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Always accept ANY and ALL help on offer. Don't allow pride or "I can do it alone" to stand in the way of accepting help. You deserve it and you have every right to it.<br />
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Know that the journey, no matter how hard, IS going to be worth it. You have all the love and support of your friends here and please seek us out when you need support. We are barracking for you . . . {{{Hugs}}}

This story makes me happy, L! You may not be feeling all mushy inside yet, but this is such an amazing step you've taken. Keep up the great momentum and allow your parents to help since it sounds like they are wonderful people who want to do just that. You deserve their love and support and I am thrilled to hear that you have it! <br />
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I am wishing some good sex for you too! :-)

Great post Leb, all of yours are really... full of feeling, very honest. Music is the one thing that always cheers me up, would love to write more songs myself, I just don't have it in me right now. You have every right to feel proud!

no, most likely continued counseling and finding a meeting to go to. my really big and exciting plan is to fill up some of that anxious time with playing music. so, i'm going to continue with my guitar lessons that i postponed some time ago, and work on some of the songs that i have written over the past two years. i love to create, but the passion that has been absent from my love life has had a profound impact on that desire as well -- work has done this too. i have a high-stress, deadline rich job, which makes for a toxic storm when it comes to anxiety. music is a much more productive release -- more sex would be nice too!