2 Years Isn't Long Enough For Us To Be At This Point!

My husband is 10 years older than me so it may be an age thing (but he is only 34). We don't have a sexless marriage but we maybe have sex once a month and we used to be (i mean 6months ago) sometimes 2 times a day!


It seems now we only have sex when he wants it - which i think is because i'm sick of being rejected so i stopped initiating. Also the sex is not good and really short. He's never been able to go for hours or anything but he **** so quickly and it doesn't seem to occur to him to make sure i'm even ready to have sex. It's so frustrating - afterwards he'll say "do you want me to make you ***?" I feel like screaming! He used to be able to do that just through sex but now it's some optional add on!


We've only been married 2 years, together 3...i'm 24 for gods sake!

swabeyas swabeyas
22-25, F
5 Responses Feb 22, 2010

Do you want to stick it out? A plane ticket home is relatively cheap compared to spending another 18 months being rejected.

no kids...and another failed attempt last night...thinking about acting on some of your advice to leave - however we're currently living in a foreign country 1000s of miles away from my family, it's only for another 18months - think i can stick it out (!?)

This does sound like a pretty hopeless situation I'm afraid. The only times we see the occasional recovery from sexlesness is when a couple started out their relationship with great passion AND when both are seeking to repair the relationship.<br />
<br />
The problem with most sexless marriages is that only one person sees there is a problem - the other one is quite happy with things as they are. . . <br />
<br />
I agree with the posters above - there seems little point in staying in a marriage that will become increasingly frustrating and which will make you increasingly bitter. You are young and it would be a tragedy to waste your youth in such a barren relationship in my opinion.

Swab, <br />
You are right: you should not be dealing with this so early in your marriage. <br />
<br />
I am a bit of a mercenary in these matters so my advice is harsh: If you two do not have kids, I recommend that you make plans to leave. You have to seriously consider the possibility that your husband no longer loves you anymore. <br />
<br />
If the quick-******* problem is new and if he was able to hold up a little longer before and if you want to TRY to make things work, I recommend that you tell him tonight: I want to have slow sex the way we did before. Tell him he must work on it or you are going to leave him.

Hello! A fellow "younger" person - 27 here. Married 5 years, we started like you, hot and heavy, moving downards from month, to now months at a time. Reading about couples on this board who have gone from quarter yearly relations to none for years I get really worried. <br />
<br />
Be comforted at least he asks aftewards and offers......but I'd try to subtly keep things going before it gets worse. <br />
<br />
PS we also have an age gap but its substantially larger than yours, my husband is gonna be 50 soon.<br />
<br />
I don't know how to fix this, because if I did I'd tell you. Do you guys have any kids?