Flannel Pj's To Fit Your 'roommate' Marriage.

Recently, I purchased some sexy, new lingerie. I hadn't done this in well over a year plus. Lingerie, in general, used to make me feel soooooo good about myself. I've worn it for years to please my partner as we went to bed. However, when I became a "roommate" and after nights of rejection and crying in the bathroom, I finally threw most everything away.

Lingerie was equal to pain.

I made this purchase for a special reason; however, it turned out to be unneeded. So, since it contained memories of days past, I returned these things recently. It felt good to take control of the pain. During the process, I was still looking.................just because you don't have the lifestyle doesn't mean you still don't adore lingerie and the way it feels. Ha!

This "piece" was  exquisite. Pure quality. Very unique. And bargain priced.............such a challenge and right down my alley. I stared at it for way too long; however, I was smart. I put it back on the rack. No need in my life. But, first let me describe the most beautiful piece of lingerie I believe I've ever seen! It was black........see through short baby doll, hitting probably at the hips. Classy to the T, it had a beautiful high neck trimmed with a gorgeous beige silk ribbon at the neck which came to the back in a long, streaming bow. The front, even with the see-through fabric also was highlighted with a huge pearl-drop cut-out hole to leave nothing to the imagination. So sexy! The back was even more flared off to an open back, with only the beige bow being featured. The thong was trimmed in see-through black with beige silk bows interlaced and sewn throughout the panty. Although it was beautiful, it was not made for me. It was made for a woman in love and being loved. It was made for someone who has a man who appreciates her in lingerie and wants to enjoy her body because he can't keep himself off her..............the lingerie has excited him that much. And, she feels absolutely stunning.................ready to give herself to her loving partner who she will give everything to...........her love, her body, and her soul.

So as I left the store, I thought of who might purchase that beautiful, stunning piece of lingerie and how treasured they might feel in it. I was jealous, I must admit.  

Then, I bought myself some pants/matching top silk pj's. They feel soft against my skin and "fit my lifestyle!" lol I wore them the next night and of course, my roommate never noticed I even had new pj's at all. I didn't expect for him to anyway. Things were at peace. His body never touches mine, as usual. Silk or flannel, he would not know. 

I believe those of us in sexless marriages should probably learn to become comfortable with where we are in life. Lingerie makes me depressed at present. So, while I won't resort to flannel, feety pj's quite yet....................I believe pants with matching top may be just the perfect thing. That way, I'm kept warm and I don't think of feeling sexy for anyone.

Now oddly enough. I do believe in sexy bras and panties. That's another story..............I'm out among other people. In case other nice-looking, intelligent men have X-ray vision, I hope they like, and are attracted by, what they see, beneath my clothes. There's something sexy about wearing lacy bras and a matching thong to make yourself feel sexy inside, despite how you are dressed on the outside! It's my own personal secret of self-preservaton.

Yes, the lingerie buyiing days are over at the moment. But, perhaps one day, I'll find another reason to purchase these things again. I'm a hopeless romantic, but I am also realistic. Right here, right now, I'm in the matching top/bottoms stage. Life goes on...............

Save yourself the pain. Keep your pj style to fit your bedroom style. You'll keep yourself a lot happier, in the long run.

Take care...........


trappedwithoutbars trappedwithoutbars 46-50, F 13 Responses Feb 23, 2010

Your Response


Well i have read your story and i understand where you are coming from i used to buy her sexy stuff now makes no diffrence


Wow what a profile such a lot of which sounds like me. I naturally have sense of the ridiculous and often infantile humour, or so I've been told. I always want to do the best I can to help people and have a strong competitive drive to succeed and often lots of enthusiastic optimism (which I need in a sexless marriage!) However your confidence and gregarious nature towers above mine as I have been hampered by a lifelong stammer which decimates any natural confidence. My name isn't actually Richard but is just a non de plume which I rather liked and it was my best friends name.

I don;t know whether I am a good kisser but I don't mind where I kiss or for how long because I just adore kissing mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm any time any place anywhere. Shame I haven't a willing partner to practice with. I used to have very long hair in the early 70's and people have often commented on my bright blue eyes, probably because they couldn't find anything else of noteworthy value as you can see in my profile picture.

Trapped is a very apt description of our situations. Whenever I see lingerie I will think of you ..... well you did say you liked to please and I certainly like to thank you!

Dear Richard,

Glad to make someone happy! Hey, my first "real" boyfriend was named Richard. You aren't him, by any chance, are you? lol He kissed great, btw. I didn't wear lingerie back then.............too bad for him. I'm not sure I knew what it was! ha! We were young and in high school.

Hope you had someone to take care of your needs.............if you had a beautiful singing voice and played in a rock band, we seriously need to talk! (Yes, this was the "rebellion" guy I dated to go against my conservative background. Needless to say, my parents never met you! ha! You had long hair and beautiful blue eyes. Sound familiar?) lol

Again, always glad to make someone smile................



Your sexy lingerie may not have enticed your husband to perform but it certainly turned me on!

Perhaps she took the term "ready to wear" a little too literally? Or, perhaps she believes she was meant to be a fireman/EMT/doctor and is "on-call" ready to hop out of bed in a minute's notice and ready to hit the floor running to head to her work?

Or perhaps, she just liked what she wore that day soooooooooo much, she can't stand the thought of parting with it and taking it off?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....not sure what to say to you other than "I am sorry." I've never heard of this one. Men have told me of so many "unattractive things" their wives wear to bed, but this is a new one for the books.

Take care of yourself.


Sometimes my refuser wears flannel to bed but most of the time she just sleeps in the same clothes she wore all day (yuck). In either case, she is always asleep and snoring like a buzz saw within seconds of her head hitting the pillow. Quite stimulating, I must say.

Thank you so much for all of your precious comments. I do dress totally different than I used to, despite the fact that my roommate does not notice. I wear lower cut sweaters and shirts, tighter-fitting dresses, and mini skirts or short dresses. I work out or exercise almost daily, but I still consider myself a work in progress, so I won't wear it unless I feel like it looks nice.

I like to feel sexy and attractive, but I won't look like a tramp or a sleaze. There's a difference. And yes, it is flattering when I see other men notice me. No, I don't "jump them" and force them to make love to me right there at Wendy's or anything; however, it does make me feel better about myself.

I still buy very sexy bras and panties (mainly see-thru lace or thongs) just to make myself feel sexy underneat the clothing! I love the mystery of it all. He of course notices nothing.

Here's a suggestion for V-Day. This year, I suggested we buy gifts for the kids only and forget ourselves. To me, it made perfect sense. Since when do you buy V-Day gifts for your roommate? At school, I had lots of roommates, living in a house with 110 girls. I don't ever remember once buying Valentines Day gifts. That was when girls ran downstairs to see if your boyfriend had sent a bouquet of roses yet! ha!

For those men who never get to see their spouses in sexy lingerie, I am truly sorry. They are missing out on some very passionate, hot sex, and you are missing out on the opportunity to express your love for them. No one wins.

For those women who think there's still hope in bringing back a spark to your marriage, buy some erotic lingerie. It can do wonders for a slacking sex life. Most "normal" men seem to love it.

Thank you again, for the supportive comments and words of wisdom. I'm afraid the one to sleep in the nude is not an option. I'd really be thinking of sex then. And my best friend: my dual control, heated mattress pad might electrocute me from the wet dreams I would have! lol I can see the headlines now: Woman dies nude in bed from shock of sex dreams! (Does that sound flattering to you? It doesn't to me.) I'd rather leave this world in a much better fashion. lol

Take care everyone and I appreciate your input. Do not cry for me. I've cried enough to last your lifetime and mine. The crying stages over this issue are long gone. Even though I love sexy lingerie, it signifies horrible memories.

But, I'll make a promise, no grandma nightgowns with buttons down the front or flannel pj's with the feet in them! ha! That is definitely not me!

Thanks again! You made me smile.


It's been a long time since I have even looked at lingerie. I have some silky babydolls that I am thinking of wearing just because they've been sitting unused in the drawer since I bought them.

Kudos on your vividly-written story. I too miss the lingerie - It's been nearly two decades since I've had the pleasure of seeing any in person.

The last stuff I bought W still has the tags on it, if it's even still in the house. Even a sexy silk bathrobe I got her for Christmas is still kicking around her car waiting to be returned to the store. C'mon... who doesn't like feeling attractive?

Screw the overpriced Lingerie, walk around buck naked !!! : ) See how sexy you feel then!! Wear the flannels and then when its bedtime - go free of all clothing !!! See if he notices then !!! haha!!!

Start wearing lower cut shirts with your bra peekabooing out and see how many fellows notice!!

Got to do something to entertain ourselves right !?!?!

How many of the male members on here (of this forum) read this and felt slightly turned on by this but saddened by it.

If only my wife would even think of doing this. She uses her PJs (not nice silky ones either - they are flannelet) as a barrier with underwear underneath.

She gets changed into them early on in the evening and often slobs there eating the food I have always bought and prepared, and cooked and all she wants to talk about is TV shows if anything at all.

She then says shes off to bed and I follow but get rejected. I would so love for her to think like you again. She wont - she doesnt want to.

I am convinced she has PMS that lasts at least 2-3 weeks / month, slightly before but def.during and after her periods. If work arrangements / family situations arise during the time when she might be persuaded, I have to miss out and go round the cycle again. She admits she doesnt even pleasure herself ever so I know its not just the way she feels about me. She also wont even cuddle when like this with the classic body language pat pat on the back meaning "get off" after a few seconds. She admits this also.

Why dont you buy some of this underwear you so lovingly describe (in very nice detail too I might add) and keep it "just for you to enjoy" when "room mate" is not there?

However I appreciate how you feel. Although I shave to make myself feel horny (and out of habit) when alone I feel sad its only for me - shes even teased me about it - so its almost like "whats the points who's going to see / feel? - only me!".

Like you I get similar pangs of jelousy, when I see durex displays and disposal toys and lubes etc in supermarkets. What sort of couples use these? How often? on what nights?

I spent quite a bit of money going around super market on 14th Feb buying all the nick nacks and gifts she likes inc. Soppy CD and DVD (but deliberatley avoided sexy gifts from past experience). Do you know what she bought me which makes it worse? Baby oil and a sexy scented candle. She has blown me out 3-4 x since 14th so neither have been used yet.

She asked me what I wanted for Xmas and for 1st time ever I suggested I wanted her to book her Mum to visit to Babysit and to go away for weekend somewhere (even if local and inexpensive) for a dirty weekend / some time together. I never got it. Lots of Socks and Aftershave again though.

Empty gestures maybe as bad / worse than no gestures at all? I dont know. Keep hanging on in there!


Just came across this story. Beautifully written and the situation, for want of a better words,

lovingly described. This has prompted me to check out all my PJ's with the view to sorting

them in the "must keep" AND "Must throw out" piles - that is right after I sort out my sock draw.

Keep up your most excellent writing.


More like horribly written. But at least you got to express yourself, right?

honey,if you've got it,flaunt it...though perhaps not at present...odd how we can attatch sensual memories to's interesting to hear how others process their pains and attatchments-and it's somehow comforting to hear how you opted for comfy PJ's-that's for YOU.