Omghelpme

I was married 14 years ago. I am a "pretty" lady and even dating his libido was low. I took this as a compliment, you know... " finally, some guy looks past the cuteness and wants to know me..." well, first pregnancy he NEVER had sex with me, 2nd maybe 2-3 times. Less and less. Blamed myself always. Lost weight, made more money, tried to always be sweet and understanding. Would offer anything sexual at any time. NOTHING! The offer multiple BJ's and he would reply I was attempting to trick him into intercourse. Today I have given up. I feel like a he/she. Too catholic for affair or divorce. I have prayed, begged, drank myself to sleep.. PLEASE HELP> He swears he is not gay, he is still a good dad and my best friend but I am only 41 and want to feel again

OMGHELP OMGHELP
41-45, F
11 Responses Feb 25, 2010

WOW,<br />
I never meant to say anything for or against religion. Things have gotten worse. I emailed this link to him so i wasn't hiding anything ans an atom bomb went off at home. write soon.

A crazy man is tricked into intercourse.<br />
<br />
Seriously, it is all about perception. You are hearing the excuse that comes from a crazy person who -- for some unknown reason -- misled a normal person into marriage and love. People like that are constantly being tricked by normal things. For instance, refusers are being tricked into exhaling carbon dioxide as a result of breathing oxygen. <br />
<br />
Next, the refuser will complain about being tricked into having a bowel movement as a result of eating a meal at a restaurant. Refuser runs back to the restaurant on the following day: " Hey! I want my money back!! I only wanted to eat the meal but.... but.... I did not know that I would have to digest it or.... or have to take a ****! "

You had me at offering multiple BJ's. All kidding aside…sorry to hear.<br />
I truly don't get it with the men who let their women go this route. It is completely and utterly against every fiber of my being. I know I'm a tremendous giver in every way, so I don't understand the refusal to another obnoxious giver. Why not be a little selfish and take sometimes? It's the least they could do to make us feel a little like we are wanted.<br />
<br />
And what the hell is with this 'tricking him into intercourse' BS? I DO NOT get that one!<br />
By all means, trick me 10-12 times a day - I will only ***** and moan if I need to take a breather to go eat something to keep my energy up!

Omghelp, I so feel for you. I have been there and lost everything, I have also seen first hand couples that have made it work. Having been on the other side of where you are, I am thinking that your husband is hiding something, and It must be terrifing to him, Is there any way that you could convince him to see a Doctor about what has been going on, someone that you may have laid the groundwork with and someone your husband would trust with his secrets.<br />
I am also thinking that this is not the place to start bashing organized religion, it is a place where you can come for help and advice.Leave the bashing to another forum.<br />
Hope you stay on this story group and we can all work together to get you through this.

Gee, Steve, maybe if you can accept the fact that no institution ( except for the imaginary ones that only reside in the minds of socialists ) can operate without money, you just might actually go to heaven!

One more thing: Since you two already have kids, there is a good chance that the priest will urge you to try to work it out for the sake of the kids. The priest may even tell you to suffer, pray and accept your lot in life. Technically, I believe the priest is right but my opinion does not really matter. <br />
<br />
What the priest does not know and can not appreciate is that your husband is mentally ill and deceptive. <br />
<br />
If the priest tells you to figure out how to cope, I recommend two things: <br />
1) ask that priest for help in coping -- you want specific marital therapy <br />
2) simultaneously, find an other priest and get a second opinion.

You have done everything that would get any men arouse, something is wrong with, very suspicious he is not telling you everything keep your eyes and ears open sunshine

your story is like mine - And SOOOOO many EP others. we are not privvy to all the shrink's couches in teh world but I would bet my life your story is playing out exactly every second of every day all across the world spanning cultures, ethnicities, religions, etc. marriage is antiquated and in this millenimum it's become a place to rest your baggage for good. the people who we choose to let in to our lives can hurt us the most, because it's within THEM to be our tor-mentors - they are here to teach us the valuable lessons we need to learn about ourselves. SEX is the ONLY ob<x>jective measurement of the bond that hold a couple together. which is why i'ts so critically important, coveted, valued, reveried, and missed deeply when it's gone. I'm in same boat, two kids, know exact dates, great man, but bad husband. I'm moving on when time is right....i have spent years in therapy but it all rests within me to love myself unconditionally and look to no one else to fill that void. when you love yourself, the initimacy will follow - with whoever, whatever. follow your heart and look back into your past, your childhood to see why you are who you are. it's not your mate....

I am not a religious person by nature but you assuredly are. AnarCgristian does have a potentially solution for you that does make complete sense. Confiding in a priest may be difficult but at least you know that it will be held in complete confidence and a possible soluton to your dilemma if he in turn can coax your husband into a consulatation..<br />
<br />
It does puzzle me that this man who denies you intimacy, physical display of affection , and drives you to drink could still be considered a friend in your mind's eye.. How would you describe an enemy?.

"we" get tricked into the marriage... believing that sex will come.
another good Catholic .... :)

Go to your priest and tell him that your crazy husband refuses to have procreate -- that entitles you to an annulment.

OMGHelp, <br />
Please read lots more posts in this group, and write more posts of your own if it helps you. This is a good group of supportive folks. <br />
Oh, and it's NOT your fault.