Emptiness Is What I Feel

I tell you I am lonely, you say "come sit by me." I say there is more to it than just sitting next to someone. I say I feel as though I have a big black pit from the loneliness. You say nothing.


 


Do you understand??? I long to be held, touched, kissed, loved.


You have your friends and family that you see ALL the time. You go fishing, you go hang out at the club.


I go to work.


Your friends and family have you.


I don't.


I don't have friends.


My parents are gone. The rest of my family has no time.


Most of the time I don't even rate a phone call.


I cry.


I cry all the time.


You, the one who should help me to feel safe and secure, help to make me feel lonely, scared, unwanted, vulnerable.


I have never felt so lonely, so insecure.


We are engaged, shouldn't you love me as I love you?


But will we ever get married?


Will you ever love me, really love me? Will you ever desire me, make love to me? Want me

rita29e rita29e
46-50, F
4 Responses Feb 26, 2010

Rita - 20 years in, I can tell you that it gets harder, not easier, to keep the flame alive. If you're at this state now, proceeding with a wedding is a bad idea for a lot of reasons (not the least of which is the expense).<br />
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What I can share is something I'm coming to learn better myself - people express and feel love in different ways, and it's possible for two people to be in love yet feel utterly disconnected. As much as you love him, if you don't express love the way he needs, then he'll feel unloved; and vice versa.<br />
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The excitement and hormones carry us through the first stage of a relationship, but once reality sets in there's got to be a more substantial connection. It's hard to believe, but you're "fortunate" to be discovering this before marriage - you need to figure it out or pull the plug. Don't ignore it and push forward.

wow, rita, it`s as if you just put my experiences in details! i think my boyfriend was amazing too but could really be distant emotionally too.<br />
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yes, like your man, he has all the time in the world for everyone except for me and yet he keeps on telling me he loves me and because i love him, i believe him.<br />
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here`s a hug from me... i know exactly what you feel... i`m feeling the exact same thing now...

I will be here to talk. I have been here before. I am just yet again feeling as though I am dying inside. Slowly. I can't even watch TV anymore because any time I see even the least hint of affection, I start crying and have to leave the room. Oh my God it hurts.

It sounds like you need to be talking to your partner about how you feel. If you can't do this, marriage will be a hard road.