The Celibate Sex-freak

Living in a sexless marriage is bad enough.  At least you should be allowed to think about sex without getting branded as some kind of sex addict.


A couple years ago I walked in on W as she happened to be coming out of the shower.  She quickly covered herself with a towel.  I reminded her we were married so it was okay if we saw each other unclothed.


Fast forward to a few months ago when W’s widowed biological mom was in search of a new guy and was out our way exploring some possibilities she’d met online.  One guy she really liked had a boat.  W commented that her mom was pretty sold on the guy but then saw his webpage and was having second thoughts.  So I asked if he had posted pics of his equipment.  My adult daughters, who were also there, giggled.  W looked puzzled and said, “You mean his boat equipment?”  So I said,  “They (our daughters) know what I meant.”  W made a face of disgust, and said, “Well of course, since that’s all you think about,” and walked away.


Fast forward to my birthday a few weeks ago.  W got me a humorous card, my favorite kind.  The joke was that the male friends of Rex, a dog, chipped in and bought him a “Lab dance” for his birthday, performed by a female Labrador (presumably in heat, though it didn’t say).  W said she couldn’t resist getting it for me because “you think about it so much.”  I replied that I didn’t think that was quite fair given our 19 years of celibacy, and commented that given our previous hot sex life and her avowed history of 100+ lovers before me, I was beginning to wonder if her lack of interest was due to medical conditions as she professed, or the problem was just lack of attraction to me in particular.  She replied, “Yeah, like I’m out there doing it with other guys.”  I told her (sincerely) I wouldn’t blame her if she were.  Silence, after which she walked away.      


Things may be looking up, though.  Just this week I went for my initial visit to my new primary care physician, a rather attractive female.  She mistakenly thought I was scheduled for a physical and told me to ***** down.  I asked if she meant every stitch.  She said yes, but I could leave my underwear on if I wanted to, we’d just take it off when we did my prostate exam.  So while I was disrobing she came back in the examination room and said I wasn’t scheduled for a physical after all, and needed to come back for that.


I told W all this, and commented I was looking forward to the return visit.  She grinned and actually looked happy for me.  So I guess it’s okay to think about sex as long as it’s in a clinical context.


(I actually am looking forward to the return visit.  I had a prostate exam performed by my former primary care physician, a female slightly older than I, but still way sexy, and it was a unique experience and not unenjoyable.  The weird part was that after it was over I felt like we should go have a drink or something.  I guess you ladies are more used to this sort of thing, having probably gone to your share of male gynecologists.)


Hey, I’ll take what I can get at this point.

lt22t lt22t
56-60, M
4 Responses Feb 27, 2010

You are normal! Keep telling yourself this, and hey you might believe it. I love you've still got your sense of humour too. Seriously, I've been called selfish, obsessed, sex-mad, you name it. I'm finally realising it's just like if you're on a diet - that's all you can think about, isn't it? Hope you can keep seeing the absurdity in the situation - it helps a lot. And it is absurd. x

When she accuses you of thinking about it so much you should answer her that that's all you can do is think about it, since she prevents you from actually doing it. Somewhere along the line your wife became a prude. Could it be shame in having had 100+ lovers? I doubt that you'll ever know.

Zorbas and VegassBaby. A true study in contrasts. They think similarly but talk differently.

Your posting shows clearly that you have not lost your sense of humor nor your love of sex. Somewhere in our marriages it seems that sex has become a conversation to be politely shunned or made a forbidden area of discussion. It has been thus in my marriage for years, and frankly it has for some time become a matter of little concern for me. ,<br />
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I have sought out and maintained a series of splendid, completely satisfying affairs of short and long duration for years as a necessity and now frankly whatever my spouse wishes or doesn't wish is of little concern to me. Disdain has replaced affection as it will ultimately do in all sexless marriages of substantive length.<br />
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She had set the tone of our relationship years ago and my life has been lived comfortably without her. She in turn has had the benefit, like many women here, , of complete financial security, and all the collateral and societal necessities that marriage provides. It is merely a charade that I firmly believe is not too uncommon and played out in countless homes across this country.<br />
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I appreciate your comments and do contnue to bear up for you, as I must, reamin adamant in our pursuit of sexual intimacy until father time pulls the plug..