Chalk Another One Up For The Home Team

I have only been a member for a few days.  While I still consider my marriage sexless (8 times a year over past three years.) I hold out hope it will get better.  I have not until this week (since joining ILIASM) decided to actively try and do something about it instead of lamenting and wallowing in my own pity.  I have to get to the bottom of it or move on.  However moving on without ever addressing the situation, well that would be on me too.  My issues are lack of sex, lack of other intimacy outside of sex, frequency of both, always being the instigator (Otherwise I am sure I would be like many of you counting years.), only having sex late at night in the dark, in the bedroom only (what ever happened to the back of the open pick-up at the drive in?), etc....     However I think I too have been just going through the motions and maybe not really trying.  So last night I decided to make the move  Low and behold hell froze over (but was still very HOT!) and laid my wife.  (Not rubbing anything in but it was passionate, hot, mutual, and lasted at least an hour. Whoa! Also notice I said I laid her and not I got laid.  I did not get laid. 2nd time in 2010. Woo Hoo averaging 12 times per year.  That is a 50% increase!))   I was the instigator.  I touched caressed, licked and kissed and I guess got her engine going.   She finally responded and we were off to the races.  (Many times it puts her to sleep and I end up with an ear full of snore or she tightens up her Kevlar pajamas/suit of armor.)  Afterward we cuddled and I expressed how I really need her and this and that we had to figure out how to do it more.  She agreed somewhat.  (That is why I can't understand why she tells me how great it is and then not want to do it every day.  OK everyday would be a bit much, but since we went from about 275 times a year in the beginning to where i am now, 8 times a year don't cut it.) 

While I am on cloud nine today.  All of my issues still exist.  I am encouraged in that again she acknowledges to a small degree the issue, which she has done before, how to get her off this fence is he million dollar question.  (I I knew I would tell all of you and I am sure that would be likewise.)  I have seen other similar posts.  Am I fooling myself that it could change since it was different in the past for many years of our early marriage?  Is she just getting me off her back hoping I will be like I have in the past happy to have had sex, but then no have to bother for another month or two?  I am going to stay on top of her (figuratively  not literally.  would not that be nice?) and keep on the heat to see if she responds more.  I don't care if I start getting the (insert medical ailment here) excuses at 5:0pm.  When we hit the sack I am gonna paw her and see where it goes.  Can't remember the last time I had it two days in a row much less twice in one day.  So here I sit today.  To bad she will not be home tonight or I would be at it again.  So I will be able to hang out on here with a bottle Estancia Pinot Noir.  

biggddy64 biggddy64
41-45, M
2 Responses Feb 27, 2010

Good start, dude! As long as she doesn't figure you're good for the next 4 months now. :-) Be cautious not to be too smothering in your persistence; easier said than done, and I'm still trying to find that balance.

Absolutely agree - it does sound like there may be some hope. Keep at it, you've got nothing to lose really, have you??