To Young For This........

I am living in a sex-less marriage, well I'm not married but we've been together for 8 years. At 26 Im attractive and smart and am dying in my relationship. My boyfriend is 28,  hot as hell, and a great provider for our little family of two dogs and a cat. For the past 3 to 4 years we have had sex maybe 15 times and all but one of those occasions we have been drunk.  I have tried everything to tempt him but it falls on deaf ears, eyes, nose...everything. I can't marry him living like this but am too in love to let go. I dont question his love for me, I know its there but attraction I'm not sure. We don't have children or a home together so leaving shouldnt be that hard, I mean if he had no interest in me and was miserable why wouldnt he leave. I stick around because I love him with all I have, still get that tingle when he gets home from work. Maybe my love is stronger then his i dont know. If you want to know what hell is , its laying next to someone you want so badly but can't have even though there an inch away, thats hell to me. I feel like a freak because none of my friends can relate being in there 20s they screw like rabbits, so I have all these questions and thoughts that no one can "get"... thats what brings me here.

edubb26 edubb26
26-30, F
19 Responses Feb 27, 2010

Because he truly likes / loves her and he sees nothing wrong with the sexlessness . . . in fact, having you there helps him to look "normal" to the rest of the world. . . ! But YOU don't have to stay - please realise ou get just ONE life. You are still young and can make a new life for yourself with someone who can be a true partner to you . . .

Question? why would a man stay in a sex less relationship if he wasnt married had no children, only share a apartment with his gf and makes good money on his own? why would he hang out

ahhh fortune teller says im having twins and can become prego now, ummmmm she didnt see in her crystal ball that there would be no way to get knocked up since i never get laid. Maybe i'll be the next virgin mother . oh well it was fun n e ways

i'm going to see a fortune teller today and she's supposed to be good so i'm interested to hear what she has to say. scares me a little, will update on outcome

NIL, I looked up the dictionary and discovered your word is EXACTLY right!! LOL :)

There is a word for men like ILuvSteph - it is MISOGYNIST.

I'm too smart to get preggers to keep my man, its sad that women r even that dumb to think that would work. I know how babies r made and i know what to do to not make babies but u have to have sex first to get pregnant so im all covered. young does not equate stupid and nieve, i have my eyes wide open but some things i dont want to see but i sure as hell would not want to involve a baby in my mess dogs are fine for me right now. Oh and when i mentioned only having drunkin sex that doesnt mean im a drunk/pot user it simple means that when we have gone out had a few drinks for relaxation then he loosens up enuff to screw. I was getting the impression that people think im a drunk and thats not the case maybe if i was id get laid more..... joke. Also to 'ilovesteph' all women r not the same ive never found myself bitchin about my man always wanting to **** and not wanting to cuddle more even with others bf iv had, i, we women get horny just like u but we have a little more tact about expressing it then men do i think

You women complain all guys want is sex but then you come cry about not getting it when he doesn't want it anymore. This tells us something about women in general, which is don't always believe what they say.

i told my bf about this site and y i became a member, it opened up conversation a lil and he reassured me that he does love me and that being out of love is not the reason he doesnt have interest in sex.... the thing is im sure he could tell from a mile away that that was what i wanted him to say so who knows if he was even telling me the truth.... I was very sick today and dehydrated and he got me some juice so that must mean he loves me haha

ok so some of the things/feedback from whomever hurt a lil but that may be because the truth hurts....being comfortable with someone makes u less likely to leave and more apt to stay in a situation that kinda sucks so true... Ugh i dont know if i want to do anything proactive about my current state of sexlessness and misery yet, why u wonder? me too, maybe when my vag grows closed then ill leave him... jk......kinda.

hey i am not your age but 13 years ago i was 28 too !! i can only advise you to get out of this relationship, if you are an ok looking woman at his age he should be all over you if he really loves you, i guarantee you he does NOT love you because if he would he would even make love to you even if he is not in the mood, if you really love someone you make shure they get the sex they want ( i am not saying you can ask him to do all kind of weird stuff of course, there are limits to what people feel is normal healthy sex, and for another thing : if you are not married you should NOT have sex , dont ignore the basic rules in life (if you get a child as a non married person that child would be a bastard, look this word up in a decent dictionary !!!) and you dont want to make your kids bastards do you !!!<br />
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I am sorry if i offend unmarried couples , but relity is what it is !!!

You might think about a multiple adult family. If he is gay or asexual it might present an opportunity for both of you.

eDubb, <br />
You were asking for reasons for why your boyfriend refrains from regular sex with you. I will tell you the reason: he does not love you anymore. He stays for the same reason you do: fear of change. <br />
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My guess is that splitting up with you is not going to make much of a difference TO HIM but he knows that it will break your heart. So, he does what is most comfortable for him: he is creating conditions that will make YOU get up and leave. <br />
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That social dynamic occurs in all sorts of walks of life outside of affairs of the heart. His refusal can actually make sense if you recognize that he really does not love you anymore. He will continue until he is fed up of you. <br />
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Eventually, you two will split up. Either you leave him now or he will dump you in the future. <br />
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Bottom line: DO NOT GET PREGNANT " accidentally " in the hopes of changing him!

E, i perfectly understand what you mean by being too in love to let go. tonight, i plan to break up with my boyfriend who is like yours---amazing yet has a very strange attitude toward sex. i tried to ignore it but i realized how painful it is to be refused and it`s already too much to bear :(<br />
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i am soooo sad, but i guess these people are right, we deserve better.<br />
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still it`s your choice... goodluck!

I agree with those urging you to get out of this relationship. Not only because living in a sexless marriage is hurtful and soul-crushing but because if he is ok with you suffering (from lack of sex, from low self esteen because of the sexlessness, from feelings of unworthiness, etc.) he does not really care enough about you. In other words, you deserve better.<br />
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In hindsight, I see I should not have married my husband. He was just like your BF, but I thought the rest of our relationship was great. In my mind then, the lack of sex and intimacy would work itself out/was not really that big a deal. <br />
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We were together 9 years before we married, and have been married 11. If I had it to do over, I would run. Now we have two daughters and I can't just leave so easily. Get out while you can. You're young, you deserve better and you will find it if you go.

Please, unless you want to be a card-carrying member of this forum, run now, and run fast!

Even though I'm older than you with a baby and married, I can totally relate. I don't know why my husband doesn't like to have sex anymore, but he used to more than I when we were first together years ago. Was it different for you guys when you first got together? Also, since you referred to getting drunk, do you guys smoke pot? I've sometimes wondered if my husband's pot smoking has made him lose interest in sex or lowered his testosterone.

I was your age once... <br />
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Here's the deal... he has a different sex drive or sex interest than you do... you two are sexually mismatched... and it sounds like you're the one of the two of you that suffers due to the mismatch... the hell that you experience as a result will never subside... you will always be deprived.<br />
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Like Steve says... better to run now... <br />
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James

I don't have to be your age to give you some wisdom. You won't be able to solve your problem unless the two of you are able to talk about it. There is only one difference between marrying him and and being too in love to let go. One of these days you are going to make up your mind to either live without sex or not. It is a lot easier to leave if you aren't married. But are you willing to live the rest of your life the way things are?