Wine Helped With A Difficult Conversation

Some of the back story is that I was raised Catholic and got messages pounded in my head about no sex before marriage. That screwed up my brain for way too many years. Had psychological problems with sex until I got married. The wedding ring seemed to solve that one. Like most couples we had great sex for the first few years. We had problems trying to get pregnant but kept up trying. Two years in, she got pregnant and it was everything we hoped for.  Until the week of my birthday and she called from her regular appointment. "They can't find the pulse." was all she could get out between the sobs. Our world fell apart that day. To top it off, she didn't deliver.  She had to be on bed rest until we could go to see a specialist and she had surgery to have the fetus removed. I have heard statistics about miscarriages causing breakdowns of marriages and I completely understood why. I have always loved my wife and I didn't want to lose her.  This has played another head game on me since I am fighting the emotions between wanting a child and not wanting to lose her.  But with every year, stats show that she is more likely to not be able to get pregnant and if she does, could have more problems and/or lose the baby again. 

Last night, after a bottle of wine, I finally got up the courage to discuss this whole situation.  There have been a number of breakthroughs lately for me and this was one of them. We talked quite a bit and we are both unsatisfied with our sex life.  Not sure what is going to happen but I think the communication is opening up a little to be able to start building up to something good here. It will take some work but I think we might be headed in the right direction. 

ezrider ezrider
5 Responses Feb 28, 2010

communication is always the only place to start.

open communication is so necessary, only want to comment that a couple glasses of wine ..fine, but the validity of your communicative openness starts to fracture when the wine is talking and not your soul.

Sounds like you just turned the corner to me - all the very best of luck!

Hello<br />
<br />
I am so sorry for your loss. I wanted to let you know, that even if you have a live born child, you will always mourn your first baby. Also, that there are many catholic couples who do decide to go IVF, and you should find out (if you don't already know) if the cause of the miscarriage was a genetic abnormality on the babies part or something else. If it is the first, you can do an IVF with CGH or PGD which would test the babies chromosomes before transferring them to your wife to knwo if s/he would be viable. Our twins died on valentines day. So I completely get losing your child on a special day to you as well.<br />
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I also think adoption is wonderful, but understand the biological drive. <br />
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I don't think you should leave your wife over this, because this is a sickness that youa re meant to work through together. If your wife is ALSO dissatisified with your sex life it sounds like she's willing to TRY Something. You just don't know where to start!

I am so happy you were able to have a good discussion, sometimes our SO does not wish to participate and becomes the largest stumbling block to a happy marriage. <br />
Keep it up and best of wishes.