I Am Charlie Brown

There was just a question posted in the Q&A section about Charlie Brown and how Lucy yanks the football out from him over and over again. She encourages him to keep trying, not to go play with someone else, and doesn't exactly know why she's doing what seems so sadistic. I don't follow Charlie Brown at all, I got the gist of it as a kid and ccouldn't bear to see the poor sap suffer. It's frustrating just to read about him. Give up! Change partners! Kick her for Chrissake! Something different!  But he just keeps on trying the same thing and expecting different results, as if he just needs to be in enough pain and suddenly she'll be moved by compassion or something.  I don't know if this struck me as profoundly metaphoric for sexless marriage in general, mine in particular, or if I'm so focused on it that everything seems like a sexual metaphor.

MechanicalBull MechanicalBull
36-40, M
13 Responses Mar 1, 2010

Thank you Hart :-D

Lucy is the tease she knows what to do and how to do it to poor Charley Brown. There are alot of women out there that act like her and do that to their men!! I am sad to say that my husband plays the Lucy part and I am the Charley Brown part.. I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT NO NO NO CAN't HAVE IT!! CRAP NOT AGAIN?!! There is alot of us out there Mr Mechanical not just you!!!

Thanks Brattess...when we work out a solution we have to post it :-)

I have to constantly remind myself of that quote too. What is so addictive and compulsive about trying the same thing over and over? It's like if only I did it "just right".

That's just the sentiment I was trying to convey. The idea of doing the same thing expecting different results, in this instance, it's because we're imagining that the cumulative effect we feel in our own suffering makes a difference to our refusing partner. "They refused when I only hurt that much, but now that I suffer THIS much surely s/he'll reconsider"

Heard something recently, goes something like "Insanity is when you keep doing the same thing over and over again but expect a different result".<br />
I think it's in the 'refused's' nature that we try everything possible to 'fix' things, with varying degrees of success / failure. And real imbeciles (like me) then try it all again !<br />
Comes a time when one is done. Sometimes because we know its unfixable, sometimes because we have just run out of things to try.<br />
Tread your own path.

Thanks Pam :-) It does feel good to be in understanding company.

lol. Cumbersome that's awesome. I mean, it's awful and I feel your pain, but your comment is awesome :-) Jess, we should all dance a lot more. Even if my moves are getting a bit rusty :-D

Yes ,,,,, yes ,,,, yes,,,,,, this is a visual of how I see my experience in a sexless marriage.<br />
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Why do we keep trying? or why did we keep trying .. speaking for myself......<br />
Because at some point, at some time, that ball would be within reach of being kicked and when it was ... it was worth the wait and the relief,,,,, .. but never the humiliation suffered at the hands of the one who was holding the ball .. so to speak...<br />
<br />
Perhaps Charles Schultz would have been eligible for membership in our Experience?

As a person that loves the Charlie Brown cartoons, pretty easy to see from the avitar, I agree with you very much. It kind of relates to the whole insanity question as dealing with many other addictive disorders or diseases. Why do the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Yet here we go for another round. Never kicking the ball or getting close to what we really need.

I had never contemplated this as a metaphor but you are dead on. In sexless marriages the kind of behavior exhibited by a Charley Brown are the direct result of a conditioning spawned by years of servile accommodation in a sexless environment. It is akin to same process as Doctor Pavlov's dogs. <br />
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Many accept their lot and expect little from marriage particularly those of some duration. In others disdain has replaced any true affection and an uncaring solicitude prevails. Others in my case just sought out solace with others suffering from the same malady, existed quite comfortably and simply moved on with some semblance of a life.<br />
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I do want to thank you for bringing this to the forum as an example since it is so apropos.

That seems to be the case for me. I had never thought of it in the terms of Lucy and Charlie Brown. I can relate to Charlie Brown. Some of his quotes for fun:<br />
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“In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.”<br />
<br />
“There must be millions of people all over the world who never get any love letters . . . I could be their leader.”<br />
<br />
“If you don't like their rules, whose would you use?”<br />
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Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Why me?", then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up."<br />
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Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

Interesting...I could see that with a lot of our refuser partners. Especially refuser women; I think they use sex as the carrot on the stick...