Back To My Bed

Last Thursday, my refuser husband says that having a toddler in the house makes his ***** like a "limp noodle". Again, I told him not to blame the kid since this has been an issue before our child. We agreed that we needed to work together on better communication and having an intimate life. I felt good because I know we can work on this together and that I got to release some of what was bothering me without him getting too defensive.

Friday night, I put our toddler to sleep and sat with my husband to watch tv. He played with my hair and massaged my neck. Instead of internally barking at myself to not expect anything else, to accept his touches without recoiling (to give him an idea of how much rejection hurts), to try to conjure up the nerve to touch back, I sat there and just relished the touches.

We went to bed that we finally had to ourselves (I cosleep with our toddler) at least for a little while. I slept on my side, waiting for my husband to spoon me. Instead, he slept on his side, away from me, so we were rear-to-rear. I waited. I hoped that he would turn around and at least hold me. It's been a while since we've had that opportunity. I thought about what to do. Should I turn and stroke him? Should I gently lap at his ear with my tongue? Should I lightly brush his back with my fingernails? I kept waiting, until I heard him start snoring.

I got up and went to sleep with our kid. At least a toddler doesn't take up that much room in the bed and doesn't snore...

Elvis4E Elvis4E
31-35, F
6 Responses Mar 1, 2010

i was in a sexless marriage, my wife wouldnt give me enough sex, so i my friend ( male)would give me oral sex one a week. this went on for 15 years, after which we split after which i crossdressed, i now go out with a women who likes to dress me in panties and all other things that women wear, so the answer is ....GET SHUT OF FRIGID WOMEN.... life is to short to be with some one that does not want any sex

I know if the situation was reversed and my husband told me he was so miserable without affection or sex, I would do anything and everything it took to make sure that chapter would be closed forever. <br />
<br />
If it hurt to have sex, then as VB suggested, I know I could do wonders with my mouth and/or hands!<br />
<br />
I became numb when I was in bed with him. I was so scared at the thought of rejection again. I didn't want that to be my final straw and I don't know why. I know, denial is not just a river in Egypt...<br />
<br />
Damn the refusers' brick walls!!!! Every crumb that makes a brick is an excuse for refusal.

I think the above comments are uselful but would like to add that men sometimes fall asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow, my husb does this alot. It is not an excuse though he may have been genuinely tired that night. <br />
All the game playing and whos turn it is to make a move.... just touch or grab him (unless he actually pushes you away) after the attempt he made to touch you while watching TV to his mind heprobably thought that that was great foreplay and that you would respond straight away and when you didnt he just fell asleep (it sounds a little pathetic but men seem to do this if nothing is happening)<br />
Of course I dont have to tell you to train your toddler to sleep in his/her own bed as a good start also. I do feel for you as Im going through something similar (im not the refuser) but not to the same extreme. Good luck and I hope your situation improves.

While I agree that you should make healthy meals to promote heart health, I do not believe this to be the cure to a sexless marriage.If your husband does have ED, he is not doing anything about it despite your pain and THAT is where the problem is. Sit him down, make your needs known, and ask him to see his medical doctor to rule out ED, low testoserone, depression, etc.In the mean time, read and share here, and focus on yourself and what makes you happy.

Elvis, <br />
Your story and your experience is astounding. You did everything so that the two of you could make peaceful and private love but your husband fell asleep. Your husband will not respond to reason or rationality. <br />
<br />
Instead of waiting for your crazy husband to initiate, you should have taken matters into your own hands. Unless your husband has a history of violence, you should have turned to him, reached around and grabbed his schlong from under his pyjamas. I mean that seriously. It is your only hope. If The Grapple does not turn your husband around, you know for sure that he is hopelessly mentally ill and you are doomed to a life time of misery.

You aren't alone. It becomes almost the lone thing you think about - to be wanted back. To have them initiate. To have them go all the way instead of stopping short with a simple hug, maybe a peck on the cheek, maybe a simple back pat or scratch. It sounds so pathetic that we lay there…waiting…for anything…something.<br />
<br />
Leaving the bedroom out of rejection will put you where I am now. On the couch - or in your case - in your child's bed. You just can't stay there forever, or it will be horrifying for the child. Now - it's OK. Just know that you will need to eventually find a really good, sturdy, comfy couch or extra bed for the guest room that you will enjoy sleeping on.<br />
<br />
As far as a limp noodle - that's BS. If it was that easy of a problem, then he'd be screaming to go to the Dr. to get the little blue pills. But, my gosh… tongue in ear? Fingernails on the back? Stroke him? Unfortunately, that's the dirtiest talk I've heard in a long, long time.