I Live In A Sexless Marriage

My marriage is not without love, my marriage is sexless because my husband had to have his prostate removed. He is impotent. He is 65 and am 50, I can not imagine my next 10 or 20 years without sex. My husband is a hard worker, takes very good care of me in all ways except sex, it has also decided that no matter what he will not consider a robotic penis, nor will he have oral sex or just play around with me or use toys. We have talked, but nothing happens. I am considering leaving, but somehow I am confused or maybe fearful, I never thought I would leave this man as my love and respect go that deep for him, as his is for me. Then sometimes I question that because if he did love me, then why want he do anything about this situation. I know if it were me, I would turn the world upside down. Now after about 5 years of no sex (really) I did have 2 affairs, but this is not what I believe to be right or anything I really want to continue, as I would like to wake up with the person I just made passionate love too. My husband has taken Viagra etc... the side effects are just too much. So if I stay I am agreeing to a NO SEX life, if I leave, well times will be hard. There is also very little kissing, no french kissing or holding hands. I feel like i live with my brother. Some one, please have something to say.

anglesocks anglesocks
46-50, F
4 Responses Mar 1, 2010

Fiveonefour<br />
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He was a great lover, counseling, been there done that. Thank You.

As I set here reading your comments I cry in facing the reality of truth, all the thoughts I have been thinking and it is just hard to admit exspecially to myself, as the person I live with is no longer the person I married. My tears can not be labeled as they are not happiness or sadness, just reality. My mind wants to run, but my feet seems to be frozen, even though they are thawing out. I think about the impact I will be having on him and his live, I guess by passing my wellness in my live. It is hard as I have spent many years thinking all this would change somehow, it has not, not even a little, it is enough to **** a person off. <br />
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Zoroman, I have issued that ultimatum, but, well things are the same, niether one of us reacted. Your are right about handling that type of relationship, as BJ in the cars, no holidays, leaving and hopeing you remembered your underwear, well not for me.<br />
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New York, this is my goal and I am trying hard.<br />
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Zorbas, I have talked and told him so much about this part of sex, as he thinks it also takes to much energy, I sent him to the Doctor for a vitamin B 12 ahot (energy), well I guess if you never go back to get the shot, it really does not work. I am just tired of thinking all these things that will never happen. I think this runs in the line of lazy.

There are countless ways of pleasing one another in sex and penetration is merely one of them. I think that you are being treated unfairly. While i can completely understand his disappointment with his health issues his denying you any physical warmth and intimacy is a petulant act of abuse and uncaring.<br />
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I do wish you well in this but he is just complicating both your lives unnecessarily by his what I believe to be a premeditated actions toward you.

angelsocks--- Yes if I was your husband I would pleasure you in many ways and that includes sensual caresses, deep french kissing, giving you oral sex and getting creative is other ways. I love to make a woman ****** and yes even if I don't ******. Although I live in a near sexless relationship, so I can relate to YOUR side on this. I feel like I live with my sister most of the time even though I am a very sensual person and try to make our relationship more sensual, it is so one sided. Since you have had 2 affairs and do not want another and since it seems you can at least talk with him about your 'needs' it looks like you are getting to the breaking point and must either have another affair ( a better one than the other two) or give him an ultimatum about leaving him UNLESS you get some sex in this relationship. (I have decided to have sex outside rather than leave my situation but it must be with someone who can handle this arrangement).