Im The One Who Says No

I had been an independent woman for the past years. I worked my way thru college, had a job and was able to help my siblings go to school. I had been single and working hard until i met my sweet, loving husband. He is single and had been living with his family for the past years. We decide to get married hoping for a wonderful time together. First few months into marriage was beautiful. until I need to go to work 6 days a week to cover our needs and finances since he has to go to school. I am nice to him, i cook, i do the laundry and we go out everytime im off to watch movies and eat outside. .until i found out that he had been looking at **** on internet sites and had been chatting with girls on the internet. This has hurt me so much.  There i was working my butt off just to fend us while he enjoys himself with pornograpy. I confronted him about this and the reason he gave me was because  I dont have time or im always tired for lovemaking..I dont know, when you work 12 hrs a day 6 days a week you just become so tired that all you want is to get a good sleep inorder to function the next day. Dont he realize Im doing his work being the provider and he should understand? If only he could provide for me so i would stay home for him and give him what he wants everyday but i cant cause he is in school and he cant provide us with our basic needs. well i hope you could give me an insight here thank you..

sourdoug sourdoug
31-35, F
8 Responses Mar 4, 2010

So this guy was living with his family until you showed up and now you are taking care of him while he is going to school??? <br />
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**** him, if he has enough time for online chatting (we all know how time consuming that is) he has enough time to get a job to support his own ***. That way maybe you can work less and have more time to have sex.

Why not schedule WE time just special time and it does not need to be a whole day. Say to him...Its saturday night, 8:00 is our time. If he is important and you do know YOU need attention tooo..make some time. Most guys only need 20 min. :) You can spare it. Let go of the resentments building up and just be kids for a half hour...Enjoy each other.

I just thought of something! <br />
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Maybe if they just ate dinner a little faster, say, five minutes faster than usual, then they just might be able to have time to squeeze in one single **** before collapsing to sleep in eachother's loving arms.

LadyA is correct IMO. A marriage is not something that can work effectively in your current situation.<br />
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If he is at school, why can't he also pick up some part time work? Most students do - even if it results in taking longer to graduate.<br />
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If you have to work 6 days a week 12 hours a day it sounds as if you are doing WAY more than is usually required in the workplace. If you have to work this hard for the basics of life, you might be better to be on welfare . . . .?<br />
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Your marriage sounds very unbalanced. I'm wondering if it is because you are trying to obtain all the material things you both want (life-style, house, furniture, etc.) rather than the emotional benefits of your relationship. . . . .?<br />
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I strongly recommend you RE-PRIORITISE and that you BOTH seek to make your relationship more balanced. Your resentment is very understandable - and his seeking extra-marital satisfaction is also very understandable.<br />
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You do need to realise that he is a (very short) step away from real life infidelity if you do not find a way to fix this situation. If that happens, your marriage will be effectively over for you I think.

Agreed thingV.<br />
I said the same thing: I think there is something else at play here and we aren't getting the full story.

How long does sex take anyway??

Also - for your info - I was the provider of everything financial and worked 70-80 hours a week while my wife finished school. Granted, she wasn't on-line chatting it up in between classes, but I still wanted her no matter how tired I was - and she still found every reason in the book to not be in the mood. And believe me, I never used it as an excuse to not try harder.

Just asking questions here (not really throwing anyone under the bus):<br />
If the tables were turned and you were home and he was working…would the situation be the same? Would you still be too tired? Would you be resenting him because you take care of everything at home? Would he feel unappreciated by you because he was taking care of all financials?<br />
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You know…working or staying at home are quite possibly the same amount of energy or commitment no matter which you are doing. It does not magically make you less tired or better off. There will always be 'something' that needs to be taken care of.<br />
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I think we might not be getting the full story here. This has to be a reaction by him to something by her (I think).