There Is Always Tomorrow

I joined experience project a while ago.. I have learned alot form peoples stories. I decided to join this group to gain more insite on how to handle my problem. 

I am 32 and a mother of 3 boys.. they are 18,16 and 12.. they all live at home with me and my boyfriend... mike and I are engage to be married. We have been living together for over a year. mike who is 40 has never been married or has had a relationship last longer then 4 yrs.. I on the other hand have been married twice and several relationships between..I really love this man and so do my children..we spend lots of time together even though we both work full time jobs.. we are stuck like glue.. which we both like.. that sound great right..... here is the problem...

I am a very very setxualy active person.. I love sex and love sexaul attention.. I love to give attention as much as I love to get it.. I think sex or making love to the person that you love build and helps mantain a heathy relationship.. however mike is not....... he really is trying though... well he will try for a while and then stop...(like he forgets) last week we had sex after going 2 wks.. and it was horrible. he doesnt last long and he doesnt like for play so it wasnt worth the 2wk wait.. i was upet and he felt it.. he told me the next day that i hurt his feelings.....but i wanted to tell him (what about mine, you get your and go to sleep, i am left to go to the bathroom agin and finish the job...) but i didnt..cause i know he is trying...he take vitiams and herbal stuff to help build his libio.. sometimes i think i will just give up...but i cant....everything about US is great except the bedroom...I have tried everthing that I can think of to help him out except a therapist..which we dont have the means to pay for one right now...so here i am wanting more and getting less ..

stacy1976 stacy1976
31-35, F
10 Responses Mar 7, 2010

he must find you incredibly attractive and sexy when you are naked with him that he comes too quick! <br />
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Take it as a compiment from him...

You may have hurt his feelings but big deal. He should still love you. <br />
My wife hurts my feelings all of the time. I still want to make love to her. <br />
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Personally, I do not have faith that your husband will change but I wish you luck. Like Thing pointed out, your husband is old enough that he should be able to figure out how to enjoy sex with you -- enough to want it more frequently than once every other week. I was a virgin before I got married. It did not take me long to figure out how to go down on my wife. <br />
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There are some members here in the group who suffer from erectile dysfunctions of various sorts -- yet, they still want sex. <br />
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Prayer might help ( Lord knows it can move mountains ) but you need to have faith too. Just be careful. If things do not work out, you run the risk of going insane. There is a strong link between sexlessness and insanity.

Richard, I have talked to him about that and he does try most of the time,, I do "get mine" 1 out of 4 times we do have sex..and no he will never enjoy it as much as I do.. But as long as he loves me and trys to improve I will never give up.. I will pray that one day we will met in the middle and both be happy with our sex life..

stacy,<br />
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I wonder whether it will ever be possible to get your partner to really love sex anywhere near as much as you. Not liking foreplay may be his anxiety that after some minutes he may lose his urge for sex and be unable to maintain an erection. There is a lot to be said for lazy, non pressurized sex where you just spend ages examining each others bodies and not minding if you take forever. <br />
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I just wish I had faith in what I am telling you because I cannot get it to happen in my relationship.<br />
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If your partner could adopt the policy of "ladies first" giving you a climax orally, with fingers or with a vibrator before he had his climax then you at least would have had a bit more satisfaction before he had his pleasure after which he turns off his attentions.

It's not going to get any better - if anything, once the ring is on his effort will be less. As for you hurting his feelings, have you ever told him how it makes you feel to be not worth the effort of foreplay? <br />
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I know you feel that everything about you as a couple is great other then this one problem, but read the stories in this group and you'll see (hopefully before it's too late) that this one problem will poison everything else in your relationship.<br />
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Good luck.

thankyou for all your comments.. to answer your ? hubby.....he doesnt last long enough to get me there... while we are having sex he really enjoys it. i see it in his eyes and he moans alot.. when he releases faster than i do he is upset but thats it...he doesnt offer to help me... i have finished myself off while he was in bed but i feel wierd about it cause of the way he believes ************ should be a private thing...so easier for me to leave the room.. i think alot of his issues are from his raising and his inexperience in sex...just wish he would open his mind up more and maybe his eyes before the balloon does pop..

First, I think its awesome that you enjoy the physical connection of being a couple. If I had THAT in my marriage, I would be on cloud 9. But I don't therefore I'm here. I'm curious about Mike's situation. Is the problem that he doesn't last long enough to bring you to climax or is he simply not interested in sex?

See, I was gentle...

I agree with thingV - read the stories - this is only going to get much much worse. And don't think it's not important - it really is - don't waste any more time trying to understand, blah, blah blah. It ain't going to work. Be strong - you're worth more than this bs.

I don't know how exactly to say this.... Mike has a much lower sex drive than you. There I said it... <br />
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I know it might seem obvious... but what should jump out from the screen is that you will never get the kind of sexual happiness you want from anyone (Mike for example) that doesn't share you sex drive or sex attitude (you know, how sex fits into life). <br />
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So if you stay with Mike, know that you do it knowing he is not the right pick for a sexual partner.<br />
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And this I am learning is enough to be a deal killer for any two people... and it is no reflection on you, it is just what it is... two people who are mismatched sexually.<br />
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I am so sorry for you.<br />
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james<br />
atlanta