Aaarrrggghhh !!!! What Do I Have To Do!!???

Well I'm pissed off.

Friday morning everything was great and we had sex twice. We were both hot and the desire and intimacy was there. We had had a fantastic week, closeness, vulnerablitiy, sharing, talking. Which is important to me because our life situation is currently very stressful. If we don't have each other then what do we have?

Friday afternoon was the land auction and he was feeling positive. We still had issues - but I was taking a wait and see approach - not pushing my opinion, playing nice, and it was working very well.

Then that auction. It was a disaster. We passed in the land and are back to 'wtf do we do now'.  I was positive for him 'it's not over yet, we'll get an offer' and all that crap. I was feeling ok because at least 'we' were ok.

Until Friday night - he turned back to self pity, wallowing and all of that. Now I'm very considerate of his feelings, I've done everything I can to build him up but FFS!!  Be a freaking man. **** happens. Learn to deal buddy.

We had a fight - probably my fault - becuase he wouldn't sit next to me and started saying crap like 'I can't do anything right' 'I ruined everything' and other self depreciating pitiful things. I told him it would all be ok and that we could still sell it and there is more to life blah didn't make a difference. He was determined to be the only one this was happening to. Poor him.

Hello? I'm in this relationship too. Does he think I'm not freaking stressed out and worried about money?? Do I like being the strong person all the time? Anyway I got angry by his display of total weakness and (shouldn't have) told him to grow some balls and be a man.

It was a completely pathetic scene - I went to bed in my Pj's. Saturday he was all distant and giving the silent treatment. Saturday night we were supposed to go out but I was too upset and hurt by his rejection I didn't want to go. So that night was horrible too - he sat in his stupid armchair and played solitare on his laptop resisting any attempt to engage.

I get that he is worried and stressed - I am too. I offer support. He withdraws and plays 'poor me' . Sunday was worse - we had to go to an event and he barely spoke to me. I tried to talk to him, nothing. I ended up saying that maybe we shouldn't be married - I got a mumble. I'm so ******* over it.

I sent him 2 emails to try to engage with him - nice ones - no demands or anything. No response. I finally called him out on it this morning and he said 'I don't know how to write stuff' WT? I said 'you could always tell me then'. No response. Then he left for the farm.

Welcome back to hell.



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2 Responses Mar 7, 2010

Whew. Some tough stuff there.<br />
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I'm sure it's maddening as hell, but two cents if I were in his shoes... being a "good provider" is a huge f'ing deal, and his reason for living. But that doesn't mean he's got the skills to be a success in the field he chose, or the role he's picked. It sounds like he's bitten off more than he could chew (and more than once). The chickens have come home to roost, and he's discovering he's failed in his grand attempt. Much as you want to be supportive of his next venture (bless you!!), right now he's mourning his failure and not quite ready to pick up the pieces yet. It's not a reflection on you, your role in the matter, or your support of him.<br />
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However, he needs to get over his ego and sorrow long enough to accept your help in gracefully unwinding the current mess in a timely fashion. Kudos to you on your level-headed spreadsheet skills - it's hard to argue with facts, but a buggy formula can lead to horribly bad decisions. (And drama queens looking for a "disaster" when the facts say otherwise just drive me nuts!)<br />
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It's said that people show their truest colors during times of adversity. I suppose you are getting a good dose here. I hope you are able to overcome this together. It'd be a shame to let that sexual chemistry go to waste.<br />
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Cheers,<br />

ThenewTricky,<br />
<br />
I just loved reading your recent passionately erotic stories. I am sure that both of you are still receiving the emotional benefits of these very exciting and sexually charged encounters. You might not have sold the land but you have very much increased your score in the intimacy market. I know that this does not pay the bills but I am sure that if you can only keep on giving your husband the sexual therapy medicine then this will eventually make him stronger and provide an investment for your future happiness. If you can provide him with the sexual chemistry to unite you both in strength then I am sure that his confidence will become stronger.<br />
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I wish you all the luck in the world because I have personal experience of financial ruin and the enormous burden it places on even a strong marriage.