I Live In A Sexless Marriage

We have been married for more than 20 years. I love my husband but.... (I guess the fact that I have a connecting word after my statement of love tells you a lot.) He has some heart issues which require him to take medications. One of the side effects of the medicines he takes is that he is no longer able to have sex. Not only did the medications inhibit his ability to perform, he has lost his libido as well. He tried some of the 'fixer' drugs with no success. We don't ever talk about it but it is as if we are roommates instead of a married couple. I feel disloyal and terrible for even complaining because surely I want him alive more than I want to have sex. But then again, I miss not being loved. I mean touched, cuddled, held. I feel so alone. I can't talk with anyone about this. I am trapped in a sexless, loveless marriage.

marriedtoolong marriedtoolong
56-60, F
4 Responses Mar 8, 2010

Learn to please yourself??? <br />
Oh, for God's sake. I thought I was crazy!

Learn to please yourself (it can actually be far more satisfying) and find some great interests outside the home and develop yourself. this is your life and you promised to share it with him, but in the end you are your own best friend and no one can make you whole except you. Think of what you can give yourself, how you can nurture you, and thrive. Take him along for the ride if he wants - or not. Your life can still be amazing.

Lack of libido and ED are difficult enough, without him withdrawing affection and love. He is taking your devotion forgranted and has decided his ill health gives him a free pass to ignore your needs. This is NOT true. I imagine you have discussed the situation with him. I suggest you consider telling him that his behaviour IS a deal breaker and that if he will NOT attempt to fix the situation, you will be forced to end the marriage.<br />
<br />
Of course this decision is not one to be taken lightly - but as a 58 year old woman who left a marriage of 20 years in duration (22 years of living together), I can assure you that it was the right decision for me. And I loved (and still love) my husband . . . I just couldn't remain his wife in such a sterile environment.<br />
<br />
Every best wish for a resolution to your difficult situation.

Thank you. You are right. I think he was emotionally deprived from his Dad and over-coddled by his Mom. Their relationship seemed way off balance to me -- from what he has recalled. I am sure that it had a great affect on his emotional life.