What Now?

I'm not sure where to start. When I first shared my experience I was somewhat optimisitic because I felt that I could finally end a relationship that was making me miserable. I'm not sure if my wife has ever really been happy. She hasn't had a good life at all and I was reluctant to call it quits for so long in the first place because I didn't want to be just another person who dumped her. She has a terrible family, but I won't go into that. She has no close friends and over the years I've seen her make friends only to see them put her aside. I believe she may have been having suicidal thoughts before we even met.

She's saying suicidal type things now. I'm pretty sure that she's not just using  that to manipulate me, I think she's extremely depressed and hopeless. I don't know what I can do. As I said, her family is terrible and telling any one of them will almost certainly make things worse for her. There's no one that I can tell that could really make a difference to her. I'm completely unhappy in the relationship, but I care about her and it kills me to see her like that. It's been wearing me down for so long that I'm starting to have thoughts of dying, because I can't see any way out that won't be absolutely devastating. I don't want to die at all, but the thoughts keep popping into my head. I feel like I've done nothing but caused this person to hurt and that I'm driving them to the point of absolute hoplessness because I want to be able to enjoy my life. Is it selfish, or do I deserve that? I can't even tell anymore.

It doesn't matter if its not my fault. If she killed herself, I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle that.

Edit: My previous experience EP Link

WanderingFool WanderingFool
26-30, M
2 Responses Mar 8, 2010

Please get help for her - and for yourself too. You both need support, and it sounds like that just isn't going to happen with her family/ friends. What is your family/ friend circle like? The other point is that there are support groups where people facing the same difficulties can get together and support each other.<br />
I suffer from depression, but with medication I'm fine. It runs in my family. I'm a happy, positive person, and with the right combination of medication/ counselling hopefully your wife can be too.<br />
You need a break. You are the only person supporting her at the moment, and it's a huge strain on you, but don't imagine she won't notice if you go, because that would break her. And then you'd be full of guilt, as you said.<br />
Please seek professional help quickly. It's there and it does help.

Wow. She sounds like she needs a lot of help and as much as you care for her, you cannot save her. <br />
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I can understand. I grew up in a bad family. Actually, bad is an understatement and I know what it feels like to be in a place where you honestly feel it would just be better to not exist. <br />
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But the bottom line is that she needs serious, professional help and it sounds as though you do, too. Suicidal thoughts are not normal and are very worrying. She came to you broken and she has to find the glue. You can't hold her together and you are breaking yourself under the strain.